Faith's eyes shoot open at around this part, her mind growing less and less hazy. But nothing, NOTHING can undercut the sheer panicanger. The fear, pain and distinct sensation of a horrible violation, of her entire soul being ripped from her body, of feeling the stark relief of her limbs going slack and the agony blanketing all the thoughts and doubts in her head, and having it forced back onto her.
Is this what Angel felt?
She's confused. The Doctor's here, or The Emperor, or God, or John's here and through her bleary eyes, she looks at him and she can almost see The Mayor, his eyes kind and as he went along with his malice, as he turned her rotten.
She writhes, attempting to tear her bonds with her arms, her teeth, anything. She feels panic creeping down her throat no matter how much she doesn't want to believe she's scared of this, of him.
She remembers being strapped to a hospital bed, waking up to a world that moved on without her, as they clambered to pump her full of enough drugs to keep her docile. She remembers watching Wesley's men stun Angel, dragging her off to deport her and reprogram her till she's a good little slayer like Buffy.
She doesn't even realize she's growling out her words. "Kill you - I'll KILL you all!"
And when she glances at the other one, at this stranger with her life in his hand, she almost feels like she can see it from another point of view. She wonders if this is what Xander felt, when she was squeezing his throat shut and sneering down at his attempts at kindness. She wonders if this is what Willow felt, when she backed her against a wall and caressed her face with the blade of her knife. She wonders if this is what Wesley felt, when Faith was cutting scars into his body and laughing at him, mocking him.
She wonders if she deserves whatever it is that's going to happen to her. (The idea that they're going to try to help her is fucking laughable.)
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panicanger. The fear, pain and distinct sensation of a horrible violation, of her entire soul being ripped from her body, of feeling the stark relief of her limbs going slack and the agony blanketing all the thoughts and doubts in her head, and having it forced back onto her.Is this what Angel felt?
She's confused. The Doctor's here, or The Emperor, or God, or John's here and through her bleary eyes, she looks at him and she can almost see The Mayor, his eyes kind and as he went along with his malice, as he turned her rotten.
She writhes, attempting to tear her bonds with her arms, her teeth, anything. She feels panic creeping down her throat no matter how much she doesn't want to believe she's scared of this, of him.
She remembers being strapped to a hospital bed, waking up to a world that moved on without her, as they clambered to pump her full of enough drugs to keep her docile. She remembers watching Wesley's men stun Angel, dragging her off to deport her and reprogram her till she's a good little slayer like Buffy.
She doesn't even realize she's growling out her words. "Kill you - I'll KILL you all!"
And when she glances at the other one, at this stranger with her life in his hand, she almost feels like she can see it from another point of view. She wonders if this is what Xander felt, when she was squeezing his throat shut and sneering down at his attempts at kindness. She wonders if this is what Willow felt, when she backed her against a wall and caressed her face with the blade of her knife. She wonders if this is what Wesley felt, when Faith was cutting scars into his body and laughing at him, mocking him.
She wonders if she deserves whatever it is that's going to happen to her. (The idea that they're going to try to help her is fucking laughable.)