[ Jessica has grown stronger since that day, she truly believes that. Not in the false way that her pain and obsession had led her to believe she must be, hardened and shut away from others— no, she's really started to make a new life for herself, and that fight has allowed her to find some true peace. She could make something new with her family, and perhaps with her old friend as well.
But that didn't change that she'd loved Sayo all the time. It was a less bitter love now, but it burned no less hot. It's not as though she expected them to get together if they reconciled. Truth be told, she'd feared that Sayo would turn away from her entirely after this fight— everything ran deep between them, and perhaps Jessica had hurt her too much, that those bonds between them dug into her like gnarled thorns. Jessica wouldn't have blamed her. So she has to rejoice in this miracle, that they were able to make peace and reconcile at all, that there's still a kind of love between them, even if it isn't the one that they hoped. That they can start anew.
But that doesn't make this any easier to bear. It just means that she's strong enough, this time, to bear this heartbreak without being crushed utterly. Sayo's beautiful smile, her warm hands, the love she can still see in her eyes (how anybody could think of such a beautiful person as mere furniture is beyond her), are cruel, they're what she wants most in the world and may never have, but she doesn't dare to pull away. She cherishes this peace above everything else right now.
...But that name. ]
Himiko-chan? [ Her first real crush in this place beside Sayo. What irony. ] Oh, I... I know her. We're friends, ahaha... I guess you beat me again, but it's not like our promise had anything about girlfriends in it, huh? [ She still feels warm and fluttery to think of the day that effervescent girl came up to her, all fascinated adoration and drank her blood. She doesn't know who to be jealous of. Will everybody leave Jessica behind? ] I'm... really happy. I always wanted you to be happy, and I know Himiko-chan will be wonderful for you.
[ She means that, no matter how bitter it feels, how much she fears that she really isn't good enough for anybody after all and won't ever get it right. Those two really deserve this. As for what Jessica deserves...
She's stronger now, right? Sayo is right, and she wants to believe that she's strong enough to take her advice, to make good on the promise Sayo had made to her over a month ago, but— ]
I know. I'm... I'll try. I hope... no, I know that I'm strong enough to move forward.
[ She wipes her tears with the back of her hand, looking sidelong at Sayo. She really has changed so much, but she can still see that girl she'd known when they were children, her delicate features and inquisitive eyes. ]
Sometimes, it still hurts to remember. But... it's okay now. I think Mom and Dad would be proud of me, and... I think, maybe... she'd be proud of you too. Sorry, I know how weird that sounds...
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But that didn't change that she'd loved Sayo all the time. It was a less bitter love now, but it burned no less hot. It's not as though she expected them to get together if they reconciled. Truth be told, she'd feared that Sayo would turn away from her entirely after this fight— everything ran deep between them, and perhaps Jessica had hurt her too much, that those bonds between them dug into her like gnarled thorns. Jessica wouldn't have blamed her. So she has to rejoice in this miracle, that they were able to make peace and reconcile at all, that there's still a kind of love between them, even if it isn't the one that they hoped. That they can start anew.
But that doesn't make this any easier to bear. It just means that she's strong enough, this time, to bear this heartbreak without being crushed utterly. Sayo's beautiful smile, her warm hands, the love she can still see in her eyes (how anybody could think of such a beautiful person as mere furniture is beyond her), are cruel, they're what she wants most in the world and may never have, but she doesn't dare to pull away. She cherishes this peace above everything else right now.
...But that name. ]
Himiko-chan? [ Her first real crush in this place beside Sayo. What irony. ] Oh, I... I know her. We're friends, ahaha... I guess you beat me again, but it's not like our promise had anything about girlfriends in it, huh? [ She still feels warm and fluttery to think of the day that effervescent girl came up to her, all fascinated adoration and drank her blood. She doesn't know who to be jealous of. Will everybody leave Jessica behind? ] I'm... really happy. I always wanted you to be happy, and I know Himiko-chan will be wonderful for you.
[ She means that, no matter how bitter it feels, how much she fears that she really isn't good enough for anybody after all and won't ever get it right. Those two really deserve this. As for what Jessica deserves...
She's stronger now, right? Sayo is right, and she wants to believe that she's strong enough to take her advice, to make good on the promise Sayo had made to her over a month ago, but— ]
I know. I'm... I'll try. I hope... no, I know that I'm strong enough to move forward.
[ She wipes her tears with the back of her hand, looking sidelong at Sayo. She really has changed so much, but she can still see that girl she'd known when they were children, her delicate features and inquisitive eyes. ]
Sometimes, it still hurts to remember. But... it's okay now. I think Mom and Dad would be proud of me, and... I think, maybe... she'd be proud of you too. Sorry, I know how weird that sounds...