HE SETS HIS SIGN IN THE SKY | JUNE CATCH-ALL

[the_obedient_servant]

Who: Chara + CR, both old and new.
What: Chara reveals some memories, fights their repressed conscience in their dreams, is one haunted ghost and goes spelunking. Plus other stuff!
When: Around the month of June.
Where: All over.

Comments

[danserai]

[ she flinches, caught off guard by the horror of the scene. he seemed nice. even up to the end. boring or not, she couldn't really understand what merited that. but at least she got that it wasn't really about papyrus. it was about how chara was feeling inside.

it was the same . . . for rue. ]

Did you . . . wish you could?

[the_obedient_servant]

Did I wish that I could care about him? [They seem a little baffled at the idea. What good would that have done any of them, especially him? Caring about Asriel twisted him into a demonic flower, caring about Toriel cost her her children, caring about Asgore cost him everything, his moral integrity most of all.

(Maybe, a small part of them knows that they wished they could have gotten the ending that Frisk got. That they could have been the hero. Instead... well...)]

No. Not really.

Caring about him wouldn't help me kill him, so why bother?

[danserai]

But you didn't have to kill him.

It didn't even seem like you wanted to. Like . . . you only did it because that's all you knew.

[the_obedient_servant]

[They look at Ahiru then, a strange an unfamiliar coldness to their eyes.]

I did have to kill him, though. He was in my way. It's as simple as that. [Except, they didn't kill him. Frisk killed him. They directed them, yes, but Frisk and whoever pulled their strings was the one to finish him off.]

You're making assumptions. I knew I could have taken his hand and ended this all. [They couldn't have, but for the same reason that they take responsibility for Lysithea's death, they deny the fact that they never had a choice.] But I didn't. Instead, I used the offer of mercy and good faith to kill him faster, to avoid the hassle of a fight.

At that point, I had already long since given up on being the "hero."

[danserai]

[ ahiru is silent for a bit. ]

But you wanted to be one. Once.

[the_obedient_servant]

We all grow up eventually.

I found a new purpose.

[danserai]

[ she nods slowly. ]

And now?

[the_obedient_servant]

And now... [They trace their fingers around the locket around their neck. It's shaped like a heart. It used to say BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

Now it doesn't say anything at all.]

I am become death. The destroyer of worlds.

Sorry. Not the answer you're hoping for, I imagine.

[danserai]

I mean . . . I'm not really asking for me.

[ chara's answers are their own. ahiru can't really demand or ask of it. and this seems like a long time ago. it doesn't quite . . . fit, no matter what chara says. ]

Do you feel that bad?

[the_obedient_servant]

[The memory is from only about... three or so hours before they arrived in Trench. They think. It feels longer. They don't know how long they were in the void.]

No. I don't revel in the suffering I caused, but I don't feel bad either.

Regrets are for the living. I've been dead for a long time.

[danserai]

[ oh. that seems much sadder. a bit like drosselmeyer, going through the motions of what was and what is. ]

. . . I'm sorry. I don't really understand it, but it seems painful.

[the_obedient_servant]

...Do you remember how I said I had no frame of reference for the difference between a story and a world?

[danserai]

Uhm yeah . . . I remember.

cw for fourth wall breaking, unreality

[the_obedient_servant]

[They let out a deep breath. This is a lot to put on poor Ahiru, and they recognize that, but they want to try their best to explain. They owe her that much, as her friend.]

That's all my world is. A story. A game, specifically.

And after I died in the midst of making a pitiful attempt at being a so-called "hero"... my soul was dormant for a long time. It felt like centuries, but time has a funny way of working in the Underground, and I know that time repeated again and again as my brother toyed with the world to his own heart's content. I only woke up to be a component in the game. But we all were. Every person in that world existed only to be toyed with and then killed and brought back again.

I just happened to be the only one aware of it all. [In their twisted mind, they even saw the complete eradication of their world a mercy in the face of being an endless loop of tragedy, then comedy, then tragedy once again.]

[danserai]

[ thankfully, ahiru knows a little of stories and their nature to follow along. it's one of the few things she is somewhat adept with, having being toyed and used for drosselmeyer's pleasure. ]

So someone put you in the game and you were controlled by them. And you kept seeing it over and over . . . That's awful.

[the_obedient_servant]

...Mm. [There's a look in their eye like they think that's not quite it, but it gets the spirit across. They think it's a bit too kind to them to say they were controlled (they were), but they're not going to tell Ahiru of all people to condemn them.

They have a feeling it'd be pretty pointless.]

Although. I wasn't put inside a game. It was always a game. I simply only realized it after I died.

None of it matters anymore. Even if I wanted to go back to my world - to that game, it's impossible for me to return. I would much prefer to move forward. [No matter how high the cost may grow.]

[danserai]

[ she nods slowly. ]

Do you know where you want to go?

[the_obedient_servant]

Wherever I end up when Trench collapses into dust and corruption.

I don't have a destination in mind for that. But I know none of us can stay here indefinitely.

[danserai]

Yeah, I'd probably go back to Gold Crown Town.

[the_obedient_servant]

Your town, I assume?

Do you want to go back there sooner rather than later?

[danserai]

. . . I don't know. I have things I need to do. I don't want to run away from that.

And it feels selfish sometimes.

[the_obedient_servant]

We spoke about this before.

But I understand. There was a time when I felt that way as well. Tied down by obligation and debts I had to fulfill, and the fact that I was needed.

Time is a funny thing. When you return, I suspect you won't have kept them waiting as long as you fear you have.

[danserai]

Mm. I hope so.