( It's not even second nature so much as... first nature, the deprecation. Peter's self-aware enough to recognise that's what it is, but it's not something he has to think about how to word or shape. He very naturally does see himself that way, because he knows it's the truth. He's always know how he is (and what he is, the word 'coward' whispering behind his own features whenever he happens to catch a glance of himself in a mirror, which is something he goes out of his way to avoid.)
Not a coward in this place, with its monsters and bloodthirsty gods and things that one would be very justifiably afraid to tackle. A coward before, when the only monster he had to stand against was his mother, and he couldn't even do that, and someone else paid the ultimate price for it.
—He doesn't have a high opinion of himself, and that just makes sense to him. It's not even something he would go out of his way to try and change, which is maybe one of the (many) reasons he hasn't yet pursued some kind of self-defense class or something. Plenty of people have offered, over time. The network often features a person announcing they're willing to train someone in this or that. Sure, most of the time it's something magical or intense or way beyond his paygrade, but it hasn't always been. He came close to asking a woman once to teach him how to throw a punch without hurting his knuckles (the kind of advice she was offering) and Peter backed down in the end.
The offer takes him by surprise, and he's blinking for a moment, almost comically slow to the uptake. )
You mean like— show me karate?
( He says the word almost through disbelief, tone lilting upwards at the end. Of course the kneejerk is to shy away from the concept, and it's not just because of his own lack of faith in himself but also that odd, uncomfortable association with karate these days. Peter's looking a little nervous, shifting slightly. It's all countered with the growing thought that he should learn how to do more to keep himself safe. )
I'd probably be really bad at it. I've never even... hit anybody, before. ( And the thought visibly curls within him with discomfort, a soft wince that he can't quite suppress. He's... very twitchy about physical violence... and that's admittedly what he's thinking karate is all about. ) Don't you have to be... kind of tough?
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Not a coward in this place, with its monsters and bloodthirsty gods and things that one would be very justifiably afraid to tackle. A coward before, when the only monster he had to stand against was his mother, and he couldn't even do that, and someone else paid the ultimate price for it.
—He doesn't have a high opinion of himself, and that just makes sense to him. It's not even something he would go out of his way to try and change, which is maybe one of the (many) reasons he hasn't yet pursued some kind of self-defense class or something. Plenty of people have offered, over time. The network often features a person announcing they're willing to train someone in this or that. Sure, most of the time it's something magical or intense or way beyond his paygrade, but it hasn't always been. He came close to asking a woman once to teach him how to throw a punch without hurting his knuckles (the kind of advice she was offering) and Peter backed down in the end.
The offer takes him by surprise, and he's blinking for a moment, almost comically slow to the uptake. )
You mean like— show me karate?
( He says the word almost through disbelief, tone lilting upwards at the end. Of course the kneejerk is to shy away from the concept, and it's not just because of his own lack of faith in himself but also that odd, uncomfortable association with karate these days. Peter's looking a little nervous, shifting slightly. It's all countered with the growing thought that he should learn how to do more to keep himself safe. )
I'd probably be really bad at it. I've never even... hit anybody, before. ( And the thought visibly curls within him with discomfort, a soft wince that he can't quite suppress. He's... very twitchy about physical violence... and that's admittedly what he's thinking karate is all about. ) Don't you have to be... kind of tough?