deercountry | i've looked at clouds from both sides now (𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥)

Entry tags:

i've looked at clouds from both sides now (𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥)

^{Who: Peter Graham + you! Prompts will be placed here.
What: Canon update business, potential event things, tba.
When: Through the month of November.
Where: Various places in Trench / tba.

Content Warnings: This character comes with demonic possession by default. There's a gif including nudity (non-sexual, just a couple of people shown naked from behind) in one of the posts.}^{Additional warnings will be placed in individual spaces.}

^{( On Peter's birthday and Blessed Month, he will go through a canon update that's given him updated memories. For weeks 1 - 3 he will mentally be MIA, and Paimon/Charlie may be interacted with. On week 4, Peter will return. Closed starters will be placed under the appropriate posts. Please hit me up @ plot post / plurk / large bat#2354 / pm if you're interested in a starter / if you'd like to plot for the month! )}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's cool-looking. I feel all official now. ( Peter smiles, more of a smile than the faint, tired thing from before. He knows he's said it before, he's not someone who... does things, belongs to things. The simple act of having some kind of "official uniform" is new and weird but not in a bad way. He's realising that he's scared to mess things up — and he's barely even started. He hasn't even been to the dojo since Daniel opened it up for more students. He... needs to go, but he's not sure how to do anything these days. Everything still feels so wrong.

But. Having people over is a step. Helps reconnect him to things again. He's making iced tea. He's moving around. That's better than he was yesterday.

There's a thoughtful bout of silence after Robby's words about magic, Peter slowly setting the glasses of tea down on the counter. 'Like it's wrong.' )

I uh, know what you mean. It's still... weird for me, magic and... what it can do. I'm still a little afraid of it, to be honest. ( An almost guilty breath of a laugh. He's in love with a literal witch, and he's afraid of magic, and that feels weird to admit. It's not all fear; her magic is precious to him, too. It's complicated, nuanced. But he gets that's not exactly what Robby's talking about here. What he means by "wrong"; Peter gently wonders about it further. )

You scared something's still going to go wrong? Like... maybe because it got fixed by magic, there could be some kind of sife-effect or something?

I guess. [ It's said with a wince -- not an honest wince, something self-deprecating. ] It was broken for three days, and I had to take medicine and keep it still before then, so it's just-- weird? I don't know.

[ He's repeating himself, shaking his head and laughing lightly; bringing out a toastie one at a time, being careful not to scold his fingers on the plate. ]

I should be thankful. I am, [ he affixes, aiming for a more sure voice, is, especially about being thankful. ] Some of the stuff that's happened to me? I should be lucky to- [ a pause, a tip of his head, ] -still be using my hands at all. I guess it just reminds you how easy everything can go wrong around here. You know?

[ As if that isn't a constant in this world. But he tugs a small smile, one that keeps as he looks at Peter for a moment longer, wanting to say something about the other guy--

(You want to keep avoiding the subject of you a while longer? We can, but, just so I know--)

--before he bends to his bag, digging a hand in as he picks it up and pulls out a bottle of red sauce. ]

'Least we got toasties and ketchup. You want some?

[ If not, then that's more for Robby, but he'll offer the bottle for Peter to put on his own. Can't get blamed for putting on too much or too little, this way. ]

( It's there, he hasn't forgotten — the lingering elephant in the room, except instead of an elephant it's an entire fucking demon. Peter does feel it lurking, pressing. His heart's pattering a little too fast with the familiar thrum of static anxiety. Just talking about magic makes him get a little restless, too.

He doesn't want to think about how some of it might be Paimon reacting to everything, up under. Even just saying Luna's name aloud could have made the demon get antsy. And he's probably aware Robby's here — if they've made acquaintance somehow, maybe he's wanting to come back out. Is it curiosity or something else? Malevolence? Again, Peter wonders if this thing hurt Robby somehow. He doesn't want to find out. He knows he has to. )

Yeah. Yeah, I uh. I feel that. ( Peter frowns, mouth a soft, thin line as he gazes down at Robby's arm for a few more lingering moments. )

It's definitely... spooky. How quick shit can go wrong. ...And how quick some people can make it right. ( He's grateful, too, but it's— it's spooky! He's seen Luna do some pretty scary stuff, both ways. Fixing things. Hexing people (only if she had to, of course, or when she's been influenced by something in the town or whatnot, but.... yeah, it's spooky.) He's empathetic, and still worried about that arm (how'd it get broken in the first place, was it an accident? A magical mishap? Or something more intentional), but he offers another grim little smile and looks down at the offered ketchup. )

Oh— hell yeah. Can't go wrong with ketchup. ( He reaches to take the bottle, Robby came prepared, and put some on his own food before handing it back to the other. Then a beat before— )

We can go eat in the living room if you want. Warmer there. ( With the fireplace going. Peter reaches for the iced teas to tote those along, too. )

Thanks for this, by the way. Bringing stuff to eat over and checking in. I uh. I haven't been the easiest to take care of these past couple weeks. I think Luna's worn out.

( So having extra help... helps. It means a lot. Especially with Robby dealing with a fresh injury of his own... )

...So you heard about the uh, cocoon thing?

Edited 2023-01-15 07:08 (UTC)

[ At least they can appreciate the mutual weirdness of Trench life: where sure, magic makes many of their lives easier, but it's still this quantity that should be unknown, or shouldn't exist regardless. Even as here, everything Robby's made the toasties with pretty much comes from a type of magic.

But also, conjuring food into existence? Way less weird than fixing up busted limbs. ]

Yeah, sure, [ Robby answers to moving places, and he'll follow Peter's lead into the living room with the toasties, and put them down on any noticeable surface once they're in there--or they can do an exchange, where Robby will take whatever seat is gestured to and offered, and one of the iced teas can be put there, and Peter's designated toastie handed over.

But saying, in that journey: ] Hey, if you want company, I can come over more. I've actually been coming out this way-- been trying to do some reading up in the archives and mushroom collecting. [ A huff. ] Didn't think I'd ever be doing that.

[ But he never thought he'd be in a demon-god-horror town, so there you go.

Still, the lifted note in his voice smooths over as the subject moves onto cocooning. He looks down a second, mouth tugging into a cheek. ]

Yeah, Luna let everyone know. [ She was pretty worried--but he doubts he needs to share that. ] I didn't know about it 'til then. I thought swimming up here as squids was weird enough.

[ It's a lame joke, an attempt to brush over his memory of that post Luna had made. How upset she had been, how unsure--but it's over now, even if... well, there's still plenty of problems present. Existing.

And they're both now trying to soften the inevitable mood, the one that already lingers with them between each room. ]

( The living room has to be one of Peter's favourite rooms in the house. Warm and cosy and relaxed, sofa draped in blankets and a couple of throw pillows, a rug spread out in front of the fireplace along with armchairs, bookshelves tucked against the walls. There's more evidence of Luna, little odds and ends of decor. Peter's been spending a lot of time here, preferring it to his own room upstairs.

Peter lets Robby sit down first — the couch is big and comfortable and he lets him have the side closest to the fireplace — and then settles on the other end, long legs folded up under the blanket that he tugs onto his lap, still feeling an odd perpetual chill. There's a coffee table to set down the drinks, and he keeps the grilled cheese in his hands. )

Yeah, I'd uh. I'd definitely be down for that. Be nice to have some company. ( He brightens quietly at the idea, though something lingers in his features despite the fact, a little heaviness. Peter's all too aware of the state of himself these days and he doesn't want to risk upsetting the other guy or wigging him out. ....There's also the fact that after he tells him more about Paimon, he might want to stay clear, which would be totally justifiable. Peter really has no idea how deep Robby's experience with all that goes; he said he knows about the demon. Could mean someone just told him about it. Could mean he hasn't met him for himself. And it's fucking.. creepy, and gross.

He gives a soft exhale. )

I didn't know about it, either. Or what the hell makes it happen...? Suddenly I'm back home — just mentally, I guess — and uh. Watching all kinds of weird shit play out back there.

( They're Paimon's memories, mostly. But it leaked through to Peter, in a weird way. Secondhand, and hazy. A reminder that he's not even supposed to be here anymore. )

I uh. When I woke up again, I wasn't... me. For a long time. It was just him. ( For almost a month now, Paimon's been holding the reins. And just like that, Peter winces sharply, unable to gloss it over anymore. There's no way around it. )

Did you... meet him? Did he hurt you?

[ Robby gives an easy 'Cool' to future visits, and he can make do with that. Maybe Peter wouldn't mind him coming over with books just to hang, if the ravens don't mind him taking stuff out of the archives. He helped Nevermind, that means they're cool now, right? It's certainly been helping Robby get around Gaze easier.

But--this going home shit, that's what Robby wants to hear about. His brow furrows as he listens, since the whole thing is bizarre, even by Trench standards. The mind returning home mentally, and why? Because it felt like it? He questioned forever ago if it could happen for his dad, but--it still hasn't.

Except something breaks, a seal, allowed to be opened; on the mention of him, and Robby can feel the turn in that direction. Where he hears the last question, and Robby is quick to shake his head. ]

Hurt--? No, no. Nothing like that. [ Because that's a valid worry, right? Robby frowns. ] Uh, he knows Sasuke? I've been learning about chakra from him, and he and the demon were going on a trip to get mushrooms for Nevermind, and then it turned out the demon was you? I mean. You know.

[ He gestures to his own face, meaning appearances. He then follows it with a shrug. ]

I didn't like the idea of your body wandering around out there, so I went with. [ A pause, and he'll admit, with a slow move of his arm, ] --Sasuke did this. Like I said, blood accident. It turned out I'd been speaking with him before? Over the network.

[ Another pause, his mouth tugging into his cheek. ]

Turned out I'd been talking to him about skateboards.

[ Which...might be funnier to share under different circumstances. But Robby is watching Peter carefully, not too obtrusively; wondering on his reaction, what he'll say, or seem to think. ]

( Now that it's out, it feels so anticlimactic — at least on the surface. It's out, it's said, it's voiced. It's brought up. He's brought up.

But underneath, Peter feels a rising swell of nausea and anxiety, a gut-deep dizziness. He's told a lot of people about the demon. Used to be something he never told a single soul, but time changes things, and this place has changed things. This isn't like Deerington. This place.... suits Paimon. Peter, what he is... it's all more accepted here. Over the past year, a lot of people have found out. And he's been telling more people out of a necessity.

But something about this feels different, and maybe it's because Robby's the first person he's telling that isn't from a world where shit like that is the norm. It almost feels like he's revealing two truths in one, admitting that he's not what he was supposed to be. Peter's afraid to scare him, in the ways that other people don't get scared by things like that.

He's nervous, fingers restless against his food, which he hasn't been able to touch despite the fact his stomach feels hollow from not having eaten all day. The thought of eating is at once impossible, and Peter fidgets for a few more moments before he finally just sets it down on the coffee table to join his drink. Listening. Willing himself to look up and actually meet Robby's eyes.

There's a knee-jerk pinch of relief to hear that Paimon didn't hurt him, but Peter's still knit-browed as he listens. He heard about the mushroom trip from Luna, and about the demon going on it, but the details are scarce; she's been especially gentle with him, careful towards his precarious state. Not talking about things that could be upsetting. He didn't know Robby decided to go in order to help keep an eye on him, and there's another tightening up under his sternum.

Sasuke....? Peter's eyes drop down to Robby's arm again, quietly horrified by the thought. He's gotten only a glimpse of what Sasuke's capable of, knows it's powerful. And it makes him wonder just what all might've happened on the excursion.... but then comes the skateboard reveal, and Peter almost gives a laugh as a release of pent-up nerves, but can't bring himself to. He just exhales shakily, still feeling dizzy, and slowly manages to unpeel his fingers from where they'd become tightly ensnared in the material of his blanket. He sits there for a few moments before finally replying, quiet. )

He um... gets curious about stuff. Never thought he'd be interested in skateboards, though.

( He hesitates again, unsure what to say or how, so then he just— )

Sasuke's someone who can um... keep him under control. If he starts getting... wild. Sometimes he does. Um. He's hurt people before. There's something wrong with him, he's— he's been messed up. By people. Humans.

( He's a threat, a potential danger, and so it comes more softly, voice tight: )

I'm glad he didn't do anything to you.

Edited 2023-01-22 04:24 (UTC)

[ Robby can read a room--read Peter, and know he needs to be serious (careful) about this conversation. It'd be easy to respond in a light-hearted manner, or to go on about skating demons, make a joke about it, but it wouldn't sit right in the mood Robby feels here. Sees coming from Peter, the way he's more uncomfortable in his own skin than he's ever been.

He doesn't touch his own food, but he doesn't move it. He's too hungry himself to think about putting it aside, but Robby's chewing on his thoughts first before anything else, the best thing to say. This isn't something that should just be dismissed, and Robby rolls his lips slowly together. ]

...he's a demon...who seems interested in fitting in? [ No, maybe that's not exactly right, and Robby's brow furrows some. ] --He doesn't know how to be human.

[ Which, of course not, and maybe Peter doesn't need this outsider perspective on some entity he's been living with (but not engaging with--Robby remembers that detail, and doesn't blame Peter for it). ]

But I'm alright, [ he goes on, spoken after a pause, his words getting slower, more considerate. ] ...What about you? You're living with it.

[ And if he didn't know that Paimon was more of a ... recent-year thing and not longer, he'd wonder how much of his younger life was affected by the demon.

A demon is a good reason to stop going to school. ]

( There's multiple layers to the horror of all this shit, and part of it is a horror that this thing was walking around interacting with people so much, with Robby. It's always.... strange, awful, thinking about his body doing things without him being there. And he knows how.... creepy Paimon can be, with the way he moves and sounds. Peter's pulse keeps fluctuating, getting quicker all of a sudden with little spikes of anxiety.

But he tries to stay grounded in the other's words, doesn't want to lose himself to his anxiety. )

I think it's because he's trying to... um. Live here. Like. Make a life for himself.

( Which is an extremely disconcerting thing to voice aloud, but Peter... knows it's true. For awhile, the demon was just kind of... tucked away inside him, observing more than he was interacting. Slipping out from shadow from time to time. Now? He's getting on the network, he's exploring the city, he's comfortable here. It's why he wants to know about how people live. It has to be why.

'What about you? You're living with it.'

Peter pauses, eyelids fluttering for a moment. He doesn't want to just dump on the poor guy, but.... )

.....It's hard. ( He starts there, a quiet confession, and one that opens the door for more. Voice strained, throat uncomfortably tight. ) I um. I don't know what to do. About it. Um.

It happened back in my world. I didn't know things like that existed— ( He wasn't lying when he'd told Robby that he grew up somewhere normal compared to this. It's just... he found out all of that was never true at all. The scary supernatural stuff was there, it was just hidden. ) —but they did, and he got put into me right before I woke up in the Dream, and then he came with me here, too.

When I went back home, in the uh, cocoon thing... I saw more of what happened. There was like this.... cult, and.... they needed a host for him. So he could stay with them, grant them things. He's like some... king. ( Peter's staring down at the blanket draped over his lap, eyes wide and a little unfocused, hazy. It's been over three years since this happened, but it feels absolutely wild to say out loud, surreal, and he feels oddly detached from himself in the moment. Like it's happening to somebody else. )

I never know how to tell people. I'm sorry I didn't tell you— warn you.

[ God, he can't help but feel sorry for Peter, watching him. The difficult conversation this is, and the details that only make it worse. A cult--a literal, actual demon fucking cult?--bringing in this demon, and- fuck, Peter of all people dealing with that?

The king fact isn't anything new, and he's more rolling the details before it in his head instead, watching Peter still. He rolls his lips, too, about to say something, but Peter gets there first.

Robby shakes his head almost instantly, if slowly, but doesn't rush to speak. ]

...I didn't even tell you Johnny Lawrence was my dad when we first met 'cause I was worried how you knew him, [ he admits. ] I wouldn't tell anyone about a demon people forced onto me either--that's bullshit, Peter.

[ A sympathetic expression of bullshit, 'cause the guy deserves for it to be acknowledged. Robby waits for a moment again, not wanting to speak too quickly; to meet Peter on the same level he's on, when his brain must be a mess. ]

The times we spent together, talking about how weird everything else is? None of that's changed for me. I'm just-- [ he pauses, working out how to phrase this next part, and just decides: ]

I'm worried about you? Are you...safe?

[ Is that a thing he needs to be worried about? ]

( Wait — that gets Peter looking back up, glossy eyes re-finding a bit of focus. Johnny's...... Johnny is Robby's dad?

The surprise definitely registers on his face, but Peter's not ogling the other guy or anything. It comes as a shocker, but he's still kind of numbed down by his own weird, soggy state. )

I had no idea he was your dad. ( ...Duh, Peter. Robby didn't tell you so how would you have found out? But maybe he's thinking he should've picked up on it somehow along the way. Maybe on network conversations or... something. But it seems like it wasn't really explicitly stated anywhere, at least nowhere he could've seen it. Maybe it's something Robby keeps on the downlow for other people besides just him. )

Do other people here know?

( It's a relief, though, that Robby's not flinching away from him or looking at him like he's weird or scary (that none of it's changed). But the question is another complicated thing to answer, and Peter's quiet for a few moments inbetween to think about how to. )

He's not like.... antagonistic to me. At least not like he used to be.

( There are still sometimes.... the demon does get rough with him, but it's not how it once was. All thanks to— )

Luna... keeps him in line. He likes her, because she's a witch. They have a whole... bond thing.

But it's... I don't know. It's fucking weird. We're kind of.. really messed up. And I don't know how much longer we can stay like this.

( He's aware that's vague, but he doesn't know how to explain. Or maybe doesn't want to. It feels weird, like telling someone he has a terminal illness or something. )

...We're not both supposed to... be here. Back home... I like, don't exist anymore. Because he took over me, or something like that. So here.... I don't know. It feels kind of like I'm living on borrowed time.

Just anyone who sees him open his mouth in any of my network posts, [ Robby answers helplessly, with a smile that really isn't. Not that serious, but...unfortunate, for how those always go (and will go....).

But Robby isn't about to get into his dad issues; there's a time and place, and that's an exhausted topic that never finds a bottom to its pit; and it'd be nice to spend a day outside it. This time is about Peter, and as he goes on about the demon and their relationship. Or lack of a real one. There's an emptying feeling in the pit of his stomach as he mentions not supposed to be here, of being lost from your own body; a feeling that sticks, though Robby doesn't indulge it by focusing on it.

When there's everything else to, like borrowed time--and he doesn't think that's entirely different from any of them, but- ]

But the demon can't do anything to you to kick you out, right? If he likes Luna--there's no way she'd accept that. He'd need to find a new body, or you'll need to come to some agreement. You're here. No one's gonna let you get kicked out of your own body.

[ And if he can be put in, something can be done to stop all that, right? Some weird magic bull. ]

( This'll definitely take some time to process — Johnny is Robby's dad..... Peter knew they were from the same world, but it was a fact that got kind of tucked down beneath everything else he learned about Robby, because Johnny's not someone Peter likes to think too much about for long. A lot of time's passed since the whole, Kidnapping Incident, but — the man admittedly still scares the shit out of him. )

Damn... ( Voiced softly, his surprise still hushed, but with it comes something he's maybe not explicitly aware of on the surface. It's there, though, the feeling that it's okay to keep opening up more, because Robby's opened up, told him something important and personal, and sharing things like that isn't fully new for them, but it's still a relief to find himself.... safe? It feels safe to open up. To build on the stuff they know about each other. It's been a long time since Peter's made a friend from scratch like this (usually friendship in this place happens when Peter gets thrown into a literal fight for his life and there's a stranger with him and if the two of them survive physically and mentally intact, rely on each other out of necessity, they end up forging a friendship). With Robby, it almost feels like it would've back home. Meeting someone and finding common interests and backgrounds, and that you like talking to them.

It's not something he wants to fuck up. So despite every bad thing surrounding all of this, it's also... nice. The Johnny thing is a huge thing and there's more to ask about it, but Peter also realises this isn't the time (rip to poor Robby when that network post drops any day now...) There's a concern that presses lightly now, and will press more heavily later — is Robby... okay? Johnny's... a lot.

It's something Peter'll come back to, won't possibly forget. For now though, the literal demon in the room has his heart continuing to flutter and buzz unpleasantly with the static of anxiety. He realises he's going to have to explain it more. )

Back when I first woke up in the other place, the Dream... he was trying to kick me out. Like... actively. Or swallow me up — just, get rid of me. But that bond thing with him and Luna.... it was a pact she made with him. Like... binding. ( His throat feels hollow when he says it. ) She did that to stop him. Because you're right, she wouldn't let that happen, and so because of their.... uh, pact, she became his witch, and in return he had to stop trying to get rid of me.

( Looking at it all in retrospect is... strange. It still feels surreal. )

That was a few years ago. And he's been... cool with that. He wants to keep me, so he can keep her. So I don't think he'll do anything to try and get rid of me. But....

It's like... mentally, I'm uh. I don't know. I can feel stuff's changing. He's a lot stronger in this place, and it's like there's... more of him now, and less of me. ( The words all come slow and weighted, but he's able to find them. He knows the right shape. )

Sometimes I can't even remember my name.

...That's part of why I've been trying to find stuff to help like.. mentally? Keep me focused, or stronger, and... here. Even the karate thing — I thought it might help. I still think it can. But.. I don't know. Maybe one day I just won't be here anymore. Maybe that's just what's going to happen.

( A pause with that. A soft exhale. He's talked a lot, and he knows this is a fucking lot to drop on someone, but sitting down and getting it out like this... it's nice too, in a weird kind of way. There's something else though. )

I don't think he can... get a new body. Back home, the ritual they did to put him in me...? I think those same people would have to undo it. And I think I'd, uh. Have to die for it to work. Like... permanently. ( These are things no one's explicitly told him, but he's picked up from Paimon's memories slowly, hazily. Peter gives a soft, hollow laugh. )

I know it sounds fucking hopeless.

[ God. Robby's mind doesn't know how to process most of this. Luna's part in keeping Paimon docile (what an understated word) makes sense, similar to what Robby just remarked on, and yet he wonders about the emotions behind it. It's the demon they have to live with, but how does it feel? Is it reluctant acceptance on all their parts? There's fear, plenty of it on Peter's part, none of which he can blame the guy for having.

What can you do when you've had a demon thrusted upon you, who thinks they're entitled to your body? He can imagine, the demon he met in those woods with a childlike perspective: this body was given to them, so why should they share, or care about this human who was here first?

How do you do anything to combat this? Especially when you're Peter, and shit--even Robby feels like he'd be the same. The same: not sure how to cling on with all this supernatural shit around him, coming from a failing household, a stumbling life. All of it would be hopeless to him, too. How do you fight against a literal demon when some days, it would feel easier to submit? To quit?

But Robby doesn't want them to quit. It sounds hopeless, maybe it is, but with a furrowed brow, his lips rolling and pinched together, he shakes his head, thoughts forming as he speaks. ]

I think it sounds like we don't know anything, and maybe there's nothing we can do about you and him sharing a body, but if meditation or helping you feel like you still own your own body helps? I'll come over every day 'til you're ready to go to Mister LaRusso's and help you with that. I refuse to think we're in this place with crazy shit and powers and no one can help you feel more yourself.

[ He'd been meaning to eat the toastie as he sat here, but Robby's become absorbed within the conversation, gesturing a hand out as he speaks; to one day visiting the dojo again, to the possibilities of helping Peter they haven't yet found. Robby early knocks his plate, but he moves it over on the table instead, only momentarily taking his eyes off Peter. ]

You have a place in this world. I don't really like it here, but you have as much right to be here as any of us. Far as I see it, unless we swim back out into the ocean, we're stuck here anyway. Do we just stop being squid people and go back home?

[ Nothing really makes sense, but he can't believe there's anywhere to really return to, even with that weird cocoon shit.

Regardless, they're all stuck here, this is what they have to put up with. Robby sighs, rubbing a thumb and forefinger under his bottom lip. ]

There has to be stuff we can do--we just have to find it.

( It's weird, it's been a couple of years since all of this really came into the light... since Luna made her Pact with the demon. It's been enough time to process some things, and maybe some things have gotten easier to handle, but..... really, it's not like things have gotten better, per-say. It's a strange situation of all of them just kind of being stuck with it. Luna still struggles with how to handle all of this, and every day Peter thinks about the fact he knows that she didn't want this. She chose it, for him, but... no, if she had her way, she would not be tethered to some ancient demonic entity for possibly the rest of her life here. Growing with it. Changing with it.

Talking about it now.. sharing the story with someone new to it, looking back on these past few years and everything that's happened... is sobering. Maybe he needed this, in some way. To reflect on it, think about it from this perspective. The degrees of "hopeless" have varied over time — Peter's not thinking about disappearing into the ocean again, these days — but.... it does all have this weird big "hopeless" stamp on top of it. It's some looming thing, and it affects... everything. Every day of his life, and Luna's. It is his life, his whole life. A life that feels like it's slowly but surely eroding away from him.

And he doesn't know what to do but accept that fact.

But then Robby's saying that he can still do what helps — that he'll come over (every day if I have to), and it does remind Peter of what Daniel said to him just the other day. The conversation's still so fresh in his mind, what Daniel had said to him after he'd revealed the concept of... slowly losing himself, his mental state. The literal demons had been left out of it, but Daniel still said what mattered. 'Then let's keep doing the stuff that helps.' An offer to come back to the dojo, to work on the meditation, to meet Peter however Daniel could. A reiteration that there's ways to help, and maybe every once in awhile Peter needs to hear that.

'You have a place in this world.'

He looks up, surprised, eyes fluttering for a moment again.

Yeah. Maybe every once in awhile he needs to hear that. And so he's quiet, stunned, heart skipping an odd staggered beat but it's not because of anxiety, this time. It's always so.... surreal, almost, to hear someone else say things like this. Give a crap about him so much that they'd stick with him even through some kind of weird horrifying demon shit.

The fact that both Daniel and Robby used the same word. "We". We'll find a way.

Peter's gazing back down at his lap again, and he kind of looks like he's going to cry (again, that's sort of his default, but.... it's probably very clear that the other boy's words have affected him. A lot.) )

I, uh. Daniel said something pretty similar to that. When I talked to him. Didn't tell him about the demon part yet, not exactly, but.... he said the same kinda things. About trying to get help for it.

( His voice is soft, feels small, but there's a little smile there at the edges of it. And a sniffle, a little wet. He clears his throat, looks back up. )

Thanks. I um. I'm really glad he didn't scare you off.

( Glad that Robby's not.... running away from him. It'd be justified if he needed to, completely justified. But it's such a fucking relief that he hasn't lost a budding friendship over this.

And... being able to involve others in it. That means something too. )

I can tell you more about him, if you want. Things that might... help, if he shows up to you again. He uh. Probably will, since he likes you.

[ Robby only feels he's really gotten into these kinds of personal situations since being in Trench. There's been small moments of sharing with people back home, but it's never been to the degree that this place brings out--forcibly, or just because...it's the way to find a connection that isn't a common goal. Because someone's willing to sit outside with you, let you carve up one of their pumpkins into a shoddy Halloween expression (sorry, Peter. and thanks, Peter).

He's never looked across from a guy and kinda wanted to be sitting closer, in that way that makes something more personal. But he's not going to do that--hell, maybe he's getting this from spending too much time around Mister LaRusso. He does sit his hands together, mouth tugging into his cheek some with the inaction he feels at seeing the emotion deepening on Peter's face.

But he lets the unease go, somewhat, though the offer does make Robby consider something he hadn't. ]

Sure. Uh...he can't just appear out of nowhere, can he? I don't actually know a lot about demons.

[ There's a vague joking tone to that, more a confession to how unaware he is of what he's dealing with, but also...he never thought about that happening except--wait, wasn't there that spooky leafy and doll that Paimon left for him?? ...well, he didn't appear randomly in his and Tory's house, so...

(as far as Robby knows) ]

( Now that things are sort of on the other side of it — he's opened up to Robby, told him the truth, and it's not about building towards that anymore (and Robby's not running away from him) — Peter's starting to calm down, a little. The flare of anxiety and panic is different, not so intense. Less of a burn and more of a glow. Now it's almost conversational, tips he can give him, added information to make this situation more... manageable.

He gathers himself some more, sits up a little bit straighter again. Eyes sweep back down to the food for a moment, and maybe soon he'll actually be able to eat it. )

I don't think so. He can make other stuff like... appear, conjure it I guess is the word, but I don't think he can just show up. At least not while he's stuck in me.

( Being in a human's body probably limits what the demon could do in his real form, but.... if Paimon does suddenly start fucking being able to teleport him, that would be some shit for sure. )

He's supposed to grant people things. Like... treasures, rewards, wishes. So if you ever need to... I don't know, get on his level or something, like if he's acting up, you could probably give him an offering and ask for something, and it'd calm him down.

...'Offering' probably sounds uh, creepy, but it doesn't have to be something weird. He likes... pretty rocks, shiny stuff. Buttons. Art stuff.

[ Those are some...rules? It sounds like dealing with a robot, or some living slot machine where you put in a coin and receive something back--except that's a bad analogy, since Paimon's the demon guy offering the coins. Still, it has Robby's brows furrowed as much as anything else about this, considering what Peter's telling him. ]

So... if he's upset, doing a trade'll make him feel better?

[ Is that right? ]

Kkkkkind of? Yeah. ( Is that what he's saying? Essentially, right? So then whey does Peter sound so uncertain.... (It's because he doesn't actually know Paimon well at all! Everything he's learned comes secondhand from Luna or others! Peter has been Hiding From This Thing!) )

.....He's kind of like the.... Pthumerians. Like he doesn't follow human logic. And trying to get grants from him helps remind him how he's... supposed to be? Last year he was spitting out gold coins all over the place if people so much as looked at him the right way.

( Peter, painfully aware how completely bizarre all of this is, winces sharply again. He's trying to give Robby some more information to potentially keep the other guy safe, but... he probably isn't doing a great job. He's already backpedaling... )

....Okay actually, if he's ever giving you a hard time, you should just get Luna. She'll help. Sorry. I'm— sorry. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

No, no--hey, it makes sense in a strange way. [ Robby is quick to speak when the uncertainty grabs at Peter as clearly as it does, a shake of his head with it. Brows furrowed, nothing about this topic in the realm of normal to begin with. ]

You're saying he wants something he understands--that makes sense in a weird fucked up way? [ Weird fucked up demon way. ] I think he liked it when I said taking care of your body would make Luna happy, so-- I mean, I can get my head around that? We're trying to understand a demon here.

[ He says it out loud for the both of them, but in particular Peter. A reminder of what they're talking about, and how they should be confused out of their minds. But he'll say too, just to reassure: ]

I can talk to Luna, too. [ A beat. ] Maybe we both could? I don't know if it'd help to know more about what's in you just so you-- one day feel like you can have a handle on it? Maybe it's there and you can't do a lot when it comes out, but I mean, maybe if you know what's happening with your own body, you understand triggers...

[ But here he is, kind of fumbling around a thought that's probably useless, maybe Luna and Peter talk about this big thing between them all the time, duh, and Robby gives a helpless shrug of his shoulders with a shake of his head. ]

I'm talking out of my ass, too, [ he says wryly, with a smile to match. ]

( There's an immediate breath of relief when Robby comes in so quickly with that, the swell of fresh tension in Peter easing off again. Explaining any of this...... it's weird and new and hard and he barely knows what he's doing or how to do it. But he's finding himself nodding to the other's words — something the demon understands, yeah that's it exactly.

There's a kneejerk pinch of discomfort when Luna's mentioned, just because it's all so... creepy. The demon wanting to please her so much, taking care of Peter's body... it gives him the shudders. But that part's true, too, no matter how uncomfortable it makes Peter to think about. The Luna Factor is a huge part of keeping Paimon in line, as Robby's clearly already seen for himself.

And hearing the other boy voice it, that reminder of what they're dealing with, is a weird relief too. So many people here are so unaffected by the word demon that sometimes Peter feels he's on another planet with seeing Paimon as bizarre. So Robby's statement feels like being seen, in a way he hasn't in a very long time. And as nervous as he was to talk to Robby about it, now things are starting to seem.... not so horrible? Maybe actually kind of nice, at least as nice as something like this can be? The offer to talk to Luna together, the offer to.... deal with it, together. To learn more about it — no, it's definitely not a useless thought. Peter's shaking his head, leaning forward a little where he's sitting. )

No, that's... it'd help. A lot. I uh.... a lot of the time I don't want to bother her. She deals with so much of it already, but... I guess I've kind of still been keeping my head in the sand about it? And that means she's always cleaning up the messes.

( He should talk more with Luna about it. This thing involves them both, and not learning about Paimon or even communicating with him is making things.... harder. Harder than they have to be. )

So I'd like that — if you're really okay with it. ( He gives a little smile, and it's a lot less miserable than he's been this whole time. Peter's never really a hopeful kind of guy, but.... something about all of this does feel better. Nicer. Overspanning everything is the immense relief that it hasn't cost him the friendship of someone he'd really, really like to keep. )

...Better to deal with demons with friends, right? ( He adds the thought with a soft laugh, still a bit tense around the edges but the smile reaches his eyes this time. And he's finally reaching for that sandwich again. Holding it close, about to actually take a bite, but first— )

Thanks, man. For— for everything.

[ Robby does manage to get out a 'Yeah' between the questions of dealing with Paimon, a chuckle more of a breath at 'Better to deal with demons with friends, right?'--like they're some scooby doo gang or some shit, whatever group go out demon-bumping. It's seeing the other guy going for his cheese toastie that makes Robby remark a 'oh yeah, shit' light-heartedly, a reminder of his own forgotten to this point.

But he won't abandon it any longer, sat on his lap, tearing it in half--somewhat sloppily, and the sauce oozing out with the stringy cheese. ]

No problem, man. I'm just glad to see you again? As you. [ He's said it before, but he'll say it again, like a relief for himself to be hearing the Peter he knows; even seeing him in the way he holds himself (which isn't very well). ]

Never thought my calling in life would be to get to know about demons, but if it helps, then yeah. I'm down. [ His voice is brighter, warmer, a playful but firm instruction as he says: ] But that means working on getting you up to shape, too. Maybe we can commit to the weird and creepy life and do some digging around the archives with all its thousand books. You can't be the first guy to deal with housing a demonic presence, sorry to say.

[ As if it'd be something to give a shit about. But if you can't joke about your friend being part of an unlucky group of people, what can you do?

Eat some of your damn toastie, finally. Yeah. ]

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