deercountry | i've looked at clouds from both sides now (𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥)

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i've looked at clouds from both sides now (𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥)

^{Who: Peter Graham + you! Prompts will be placed here.
What: Canon update business, potential event things, tba.
When: Through the month of November.
Where: Various places in Trench / tba.

Content Warnings: This character comes with demonic possession by default. There's a gif including nudity (non-sexual, just a couple of people shown naked from behind) in one of the posts.}^{Additional warnings will be placed in individual spaces.}

^{( On Peter's birthday and Blessed Month, he will go through a canon update that's given him updated memories. For weeks 1 - 3 he will mentally be MIA, and Paimon/Charlie may be interacted with. On week 4, Peter will return. Closed starters will be placed under the appropriate posts. Please hit me up @ plot post / plurk / large bat#2354 / pm if you're interested in a starter / if you'd like to plot for the month! )}

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[ There's a lot hiding behind these words, isn't there.

Daniel is not one to pry, given that he figures Peter has got a good reason for being as relatively vague as he's being right now, and Daniel wants to respect that reason. Especially while the boy is still telling him something, still trying to confide in Daniel with the things he does say here.

So he just takes those things as they come, weighing them in his head. Trying to keep in mind there's probably a whole lot more heaviness hidden behind it that he knows nothing about. ]

But you don't want to be that.

[ It's not a question. It doesn't even sound like one. It sounds firm, sure, but.. not like an order. More like Daniel understanding it without Peter having to say as much.

He may not know much about the boy, but Daniel can't believe the kind of clumsy and awkward young man Robby dragged along to the dojo is someone who'd delight in doing bad things. ]

You don't want to do those bad things.

( There really is so much beneath everything he's saying on the surface, and to some degree that probably makes it impossible for anyone to get the full picture, here. But even Peter isn't sure of that full picture, much less... how to explain it to someone else.

And yet, he's still able to get some of it out, and to... hear the right kinds of things in return. Things that make sense. Because when Daniel says what he does, Peter's immediately feeling a rush of relief, mixed up with a rush of ache to hear his own thoughts voiced out loud like that, by someone else. He gives a soft sound, and has to swallow deeply again. )

I don't. I don't... I don't want any of this.

( He's learned by now, that Paimon isn't really.. bad, isn't evil the way Peter once thought the demon was. But still, the "bad thing" here can be summed up as this, this... fate. This thing Peter was given to the demon to do, to be. )

And maybe this place should be some kind of.. fresh start, or second chance, or something like that. For awhile, I thought maybe it could be, and people kept telling me that, but— but I don't think it can be, for me. If I'm fated to be that way.... then no matter what, even if I'm not home anymore, it's going to happen. I'm going to end up like that. And I don't... I don't know what to do.

Maybe I should just give into it now. You know? Give in to him. To the... person I'm supposed to become. ( Peter pauses, stares down at his hands. They don't feel like his hands, these days. )

I feel like I'm already more... him than me, anymore.

Peter, if you don't want to become that-- then you don't have to.

[ The words roll out of Daniel's mouth so quickly - basically the moment Peter is done with speaking. He even shifts in his chair, leaning forward as he's sitting, just to be a little closer in the other's direction, even though there's still plenty of space between them.

But this feels too important to not take on such an active position about. If there's anything Daniel feels passionate about, it's keeping kids safe and happy.

And Peter is still young enough to definitely count as a kid in Daniel's mind. ]

I understand I don't know anything about the situation, and this might sound very-- [ Looking for the right word, hang on.. ] --very trite. But I mean it. Even if this is a supernatural problem, then.. there are supernatural solutions in this place.

[ Even if Daniel, Very Normal Average Karate Dad, is not exactly an expert in such matters. But he wants to reassure the boy that even if this is something above Daniel's paygrade, there are others that can help. ]

This is exactly the kind of fated I don't want to believe in. What you want, Peter, it-- it matters. [ The man sounds so passionate as he speaks. It's audible in his tone, but also reflected in his eyes, if Peter looks over. There's compassion there, sure, but also determination. ] If you ask me to help you stay yourself, then I will do absolutely anything in my power to help.

[ Is this a little much to offer someone who is basically still just a new student?

.. maybe. But Daniel also just is like this, has always been like this. Unable to keep himself from helping, even when the odds seem against him. Even when he doesn't know someone well.

No one should suffer. No one should end up without help. Peter included. ]

You deserve to make your own choices for yourself. No one else should do that for you.

( Peter's eyes look upwards again as Daniel moves closer — bridging some of the gap between them, a presence that's solid and real and there. He's staring up at the other man, listening to that intensity coming from him. That passion, determination. For him.

What he's saying is what Peter wants to believe. And could be true. Really, it could. Daniel's right; there's help for supernatural things in this place. When Daniel says that, Peter's eyelids flutter again, before he can try to control his reaction. Maybe it betrays that what he's talking about is supernatural in nature.

But..... there's a sinking feeling the more the man speaks. Even if everything he's saying is what Peter wants to hear, and wishes he could hear, all the time. Even if the man's offering help in whatever way Peter needs. His heart's squeezing tighter and tighter and there's a soft sound in the hollow of his throat. It feels like a whimper and he tries to hold it back. )

I don— ( His voice catches, upset bubbling up and cutting off his own words. He swallows again, feels too young. )

I don't think anything can stop it.

( It hurts to say that, to speak that helpless thing, and he has to take a breath. There it is. Voiced, the thing that's been inside him and growing, festering. )

There's ways to help— help me stay.... stable. And more like me. That's um. That's why I wanted to learn from you. And then join. To keep my mind.... better. ( He's not explaining very well, struggling through his words like he's trudging through some thick swamp. But that's why he'd initially sought Daniel out with Robby, and then it led into joining the team the man started up not long after. The one that valued mental focus and meditation and a certain healthiness that Peter's been in need of for a very long time. )

Stuff like that... helps. I want to keep doing it. Keep learning from you.

( ....A "but" lingers in the air for a few moments. Peter's hesitating, not wanting to go on any more, forcing himself through it. )

...But back home, I'm already... gone. I'm not me anymore. I saw it. And so in this place... It's like... It feels kind of like I'm living on borrowed time. Because—

( How can he explain all of this without getting too literal about it? Dealing with demonic possession is probably not something Daniel ever thought he'd be dealing with when he began teaching karate here. )

—this... thing I'm supposed to become, it owns me. Like... my body. I'm just... I'm kind of just... here, now. Because he lets me be.

( That's how it is, isn't it. Paimon could be rid of him tomorrow, has that power. It's because of a Bond with Luna that such a thing doesn't happen, but... Peter can't forget that underneath all of that, he isn't supposed to be here anymore. )

[ There's a small part of Daniel - perhaps left behind by his much younger self - that still wants to fight this. That wants to say that just because things happened a certain way where Peter comes from, that doesn't mean it has to be the exact same thing here. So much could change. So much could be done.

.. but the maturity of age makes Daniel realise that he doesn't know everything about this situation, while Peter does. It automatically makes the young man's assessment of it more reliable than Daniel's own, even if it's.. very depressing. It's made to sound like such an inevitability, and Peter is way too young to deal with something like that.

(And has Daniel ever been good at witnessing the inevitable, waiting for it to happen? First watching his father, and then mister Miyago too die in the hospital. Nothing to be done about it.

He swallows, buries down the thought.) ]

Then let's keep doing the stuff that helps.

[ Even if it might not be a solution. Even if it might not change things around for Peter.

Daniel refuses the idea of just sitting around and doing nothing. He hates it, truly. ]

At least we can do that, right? [ It's a kind of optimism with two sides to it. For himself, sure, but also for Peter's sake. Wanting to show the boy that it's not like anything is over. Whatever is going on with Peter-- as long as they have ways to keep dealing with it, then they'll just have to keep doing that. ]

So.. don't sit around here by yourself anymore. If you think you can manage it at all, then come to the dojo tomorrow. [ It's not an order by any means - that's not the kind of man Daniel is. But it is an urging on, a little nudge. ] You don't even have to do anything too physical. We can start with doing some meditation and similar exercises.

[ There's a tiny pause, and then he exhales and continues. ]

I understand it must be.. so hard. [ So hard that it doesn't feel like adequate wording, even. It's what tht tiny pause is for, even though Daniel apparently couldn't even think of a better way to put it into words. Even without most of the knowledge about what's actually going on with Peter, it sounds like an overwhelming situation. ] But that's why we have to do all we can about it. And you have people to help you with that.

( It's a strange place to be, this sort of.... acceptance? Is that the word?

It doesn't feel like the right word. But maybe that's how it's always been, for him. There was acceptance of his home situation, acceptance that his mom fucking hated him, acceptance that he was never really going to be anything.

Acceptance that he killed Charlie.

None of those acceptances were a peaceful feeling. He was miserable, all the time. But he didn't fight it. Didn't fight any of it. Because he knew it was useless to, knew there was no other outcome. And maybe that's how this is, too. There's no sense in fighting it. He did try to, in his ways, a couple of years ago. But things have only continued to get worse, and the truth has become ever more clear. It's not something that can be changed, only... managed. Right? Like some... disease or something.

And so when Daniel says what he does, Peter's looking up at the man with a little dose of surprise, watching him. Keep doing the stuff that helps... Even coming to the dojo tomorrow. Peter blinks, like such a thing isn't at all what he was expecting to hear. Because he... wasn't. It's stupid maybe, but he's still unused to adults presenting... solutions. Or not even just that, but acting on those solutions. Really stepping forward with them.

Thinking about his father is always painful, but there's a fresh little pinprick as the memory hits again. He needed help after Charlie died, real and professional help. His dad mentioned it. But only that, only ever mentioned the thing, never actually helped Peter... get help. There was a distance kept, some detachment there. Peter needed a hand to hold onto his, needed coaxing, needed guidance, and his dad only gave his thin-lipped smiles and pats to the shoulder and walked away. Uncomfortable.

Maybe Peter should be able to stand on his own, but the fact is that he can't. No matter if he's technically an adult himself now, no matter if people have tried to help him learn how to be stronger on his own..... he needs help. Needs someone to urge him. To help form a path for him to follow. Maybe it's pathetic, maybe someday he'll actually get some much-needed therapy and be! Capable of functioning more healthily! But for now....

Daniel's offer is so much more than just a simple offer. It's not commanding, but it's.... stable. Safe. It still puts the decision in Peter's pocket, but... it gives him a path to see, one he can follow. Come to the dojo tomorrow. Do what he can. 'And you have people to help you with that.'

He's taken aback, eyes fluttering softly, before he looks down again and nods. )

Okay. Okay, yeah. I'll... I'll come. I'll be there.

( Peter looks back up, eyes a little glossy again, and nods again, but this time while meeting Daniel's eyes. )

Thank you. For um.. for listening. For... everything. ( Each little thing, the thoughtfulness of snacks and tea and the karate gi, sitting and talking with him, the offer to help him even when he's a fucking mess.... it does matter. It matters a lot, to Peter. He swallows, manages a little smile, but it's a genuine one, truly grateful. )

For helping me.

[ Daniel smiles, a bit of genuine relief in it when Peter says that he'll be there. He did want to leave the decision up to the young man, feeling that it's important to let young people make their own choices, but he's glad that this is the one Peter decided to go with.

It seems like the best thing for him.

And while usually Daniel would try to kind of sweep thanks aside like that, feeling like he doesn't really deserve it nor did anything special to earn it.. It feels like says thanks for this feels important for Peter.

So he suppresses the natural urge to do so, instead going with: ]

You're welcome. [ Accepting it. Letting the other give thanks. ] And it's really no problem. I'll help you anytime you need it.

[ It always feels like the least he can offer his students, especially in a place like this.

Daniel slowly stands up. ]

I guess I should go now. [ Especially when Peter seems so tired.. Honestly, the guy could probably use a nap, huh. ] But..

[ His lips curve up a little bit more. ]

I'll see you tomorrow.

[ Harkening back to Peter's decision. ]

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i've looked at clouds from both sides now (𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥)

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