Lan Xichen's words die in his throat as Jin Guangyao brushes his thumb over his knuckles, an echo of something before, a last fond farewell trying to say what no words couldn't, the blood still hot and slick on his hands even after...
He looks up and it's Jin Guangyao looking at him in his familiar shades of gold, stained red from his missing hand, from the wound his belly, from the blood streaming out the corner of his mouth, his expression agony as a grey hand reaches to close its fingers around his throat, and his own arm is let go so he can be pushed out of harm's way --
Xichen is staring at Jin Guangyao, but not seeing him (not seeing the reality, at any rate), his face white as a sheet, eyes stricken, and breathing panicked. He makes a move as if to grab Jin Guangyao's arm, to pull him back to safety and --
He blinks, gradually coming back to himself. He is not in Guanyin Temple, this is not Jin Guangyao's death, so why does it feel like the world is ending...?
Oh. Right.
His fingers close around empty air and he quickly pulls his hand back to his side. He has no business reaching for Jin Guangyao. Not now, not ever.
"You do not need to say such things to me," he breathes, heart still racing. "I am the one who owes the apology."
cw: ptsd flashback, severed hand mention
"You don't need to--"
Lan Xichen's words die in his throat as Jin Guangyao brushes his thumb over his knuckles, an echo of something before, a last fond farewell trying to say what no words couldn't, the blood still hot and slick on his hands even after...
He looks up and it's Jin Guangyao looking at him in his familiar shades of gold, stained red from his missing hand, from the wound his belly, from the blood streaming out the corner of his mouth, his expression agony as a grey hand reaches to close its fingers around his throat, and his own arm is let go so he can be pushed out of harm's way --
Xichen is staring at Jin Guangyao, but not seeing him (not seeing the reality, at any rate), his face white as a sheet, eyes stricken, and breathing panicked. He makes a move as if to grab Jin Guangyao's arm, to pull him back to safety and --
He blinks, gradually coming back to himself. He is not in Guanyin Temple, this is not Jin Guangyao's death, so why does it feel like the world is ending...?
Oh. Right.
His fingers close around empty air and he quickly pulls his hand back to his side. He has no business reaching for Jin Guangyao. Not now, not ever.
"You do not need to say such things to me," he breathes, heart still racing. "I am the one who owes the apology."