deercountry | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Mob, Viktor and others
What: december log catchall for my characters
When: december and potentially beyond
Where: around the trench

Content Warnings: in thread headers

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Maybe. I don't think I was ready to move on at all. I remember being... calm but terrified, if that makes sense? I'd just started to do the right thing, and then...

[Well. Yeah.]

I don't... no matter what you prepare for, facing total oblivion is... terrifying.

That makes sense. Sometimes you just have to accept something is going to happen, even if you don't want it to.

[a pause.] I've seen a lot of spirits. Most of them don't handle having faced that sort of thing well. I think you should be proud of how well you did, and still are.

I... thanks.

[He wants to deflect the praise, but at this point... yeah, he'll just take it.]

I... knew what I had to do. I knew the price for it. But if she could believe in our world even after all I did to her... it was a world worth saving.

[he isn't sure who 'she' is, though there was one girl mentioned before...] Your sister, you mean?

Yes. Though there was another girl, from the previous world... she came along and... ended up dying for my world, too.

Both of them... didn't need to die. Neither of them did.

[mob nods in easy agreement there, going quiet a moment as he lets a lot of this information settle in his head. how... terrible, just all of it. cruel in the sort of way mogami tried to insist the world was.]

What were they like? [another pause and he says,] If you want to talk about them.

Kana - my sister - she was... kind. Young, but very mature for her age. Brave and selfless and always putting others above herself. I thought she was stupid but... she was smart. Just... in a different way than me.

Machi was kind too, but she teased people. She was a good person even if she was a pain sometimes. She... was the first person who liked me, I'm pretty sure. She liked all of us, I guess... but she liked me. I just... wish I hadn't been a coward who fumbled about it until it was too late.

My master says being young is about fumbling and making mistakes. It's supposed to be when it's safe to do that.

[unless assholes start world ending robot shit. he takes a moment just to imagine the pair though.] I wish I saw a memory of them instead, I would have liked to see them.

It... can be, I guess. There's less room for mistakes here, where you could get hurt or killed depending on what you run into.

[He shakes his head and frowns.]

You would have just seen me being horrible to Kana probably. And Machi... I've had someone see a memory of her before, and it was from when she got shot. So knowing this place it would have been horrible anyway.

[a nod] We have to figure things out a lot faster. Honestly it's kind of daunting.

[ah, of course, the trench can never just be chill about these things.] I don't understand why it does this. Why only bad memories?

I don't know. I honestly thought I might be in some kind of hell for a bit, but that's not true.

People wouldn't be this kind. [said very quietly, if it were hell that is.]

What do you think it is now?

No, they wouldn't. This... is another world. Not one where the 'game' is running, but one where we're toyed with nonetheless. The pthumerians jerk us around, monsters go after us, our blood's different, and all sorts of insane things happen... but it's too nice to be an afterlife that I'd end up in.

[that has mob pause a long moment before he says,] You don't like yourself much, do you?

I guess that sort of thing is pretty complicated.

[He snorts in amusement. The question is blunt, but accurate.]

Not really, no.

But yeah, I imagine it is. I don't mind it as much. There's... people who care about me here. That's... enough for me.

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