deercountry | January and February Catch-All

no aubrey's a good person
she just felt abandoned

thank you
i'd be ready to talk to them about everything
if any of them showed up here
i want to now no matter how things turn out

until then you have the rest of us to hang out with
already said u can talk to me if u need it
but if u ever want a talk and good food ask sensei
hes always ready to feed everyone
👍

just say i told u it was ok

yeah i really appreciate all of you
you can always talk to me if you want too
i might talk to you about things eventually
it's still hard

i am going to go get food from sensei though
100%

sure
i can tell u about my family since i found some about urs
when i said about it taking a long time for ppl to get out of bad places i was thinking about my mom
she had problems most my life
its not the same as what u went through but she went to rehab for it
she got out a couple of months before i showed up here

life can be complicated

[ It takes him a good second to send, hesitant, but... he's found out details about Sunny's life, and maybe it'll help Sunny to open up himself in time if other people do first.

He's spoken about his mother a few times already, too. ...but it doesn't make it exactly easy.

Well. Maybe one day. ]

was she doing well after rehab?
i'm sorry that that happened though
not the rehab but before it you know

i think it's good people can change
people can get out of bad places and try to be better
i'm trying to

its ok
and yeah she was doing better
i didnt spend as much time w her as i wish i had
i got caught up in drama and in my own head
i kept a lot from her

im trying too
i hurt ppl in my past but im also trying to learn to trust better too
it takes a while
some times it doesnt feel like anything will change at all
or it didnt for me

it's easy for that to happen
i lived in my head for a long time
and kept everything from everyone

sometimes it feels better for me
but sometimes i think i'm the same person i always was and i'm going to hurt everyone again like before
it's hard

ppl do it for different reasons
i wasnt closed off but i didnt have a lot of friends when i got older
i didnt try to
i thought everyone looked down on me anyway so why bother

i think that fear stays with you
screwing up again
i had that even when i came here
i was angry for a long time bc of stuff that happened and i called a fight between miyagido and eagle fang when my dad showed up
it was stupid. i thought he was here to make fun of miyagido bc of history between us
but me and the guy i was fighting broke out into a real fight

i did it bc i feel weak here
i should have de-escalated the fight but i didnt
i tried quitting miyagido but mr larusso wouldnt have it
he helped me give myself a chance

finding something that makes you feel like a better person takes a while
i dont know if im really there but im trying

why did you think people looked down on you?
you don't have to answer if it's too personal but
everyone i've talked to respects you a lot here at least
i do too

i'm glad you were able to give yourself another chance
it's a really difficult thing to do when you think you've messed up so bad you don't deserve one
i was there for a long time and i barely dug myself out of that mindset
sometimes i still don't think i deserve a chance but i decided that i was going to keep moving forward so i am

at least you don't have to do anything alone
there are a lot of people to support you
...and me
more than i ever would have thought
we can work towards feeling like better people together

guess when i think about it i was looking down on myself
my mom had her problems and my dad wasnt around
but he lived in the same state
i loved my mom but i thought id turn out the same as them

idk i had a lot of messed up feelings about everything and no one to talk to

but yeah
i like that idea. working towards being a better person
whatever that ends up being
even just changing a little can make things feel different
but its easier to understand once u get there

did u have any plans for today?

i know it's something you can't change overnight
i look down on myself too
but i hope that you don't feel that way as much anymore
and if you ever want to talk at all i'll always listen

yeah i get what you mean
change is scary for me
but i'm glad i made the changes i did

no
i'm just hanging around the house

i hope you start feeling better about yourself too

u want some company? if u still need to look around town i can go with you
ever been to the entertainment feed? its got arcade machines there
weather sucks but its not bad once you get moving

thank you

wait there's an arcade??
yes i would like to go there
i can deal with the weather to hang out and play some video games

just a few
mostly for movies

but yeah let me meet u outside yours and we can walk together

there's only a few where i'm from too
but that didn't stop me from getting the high scores on them

[This was a personal challenge, now.]

okay i'll be waiting

[Does Sunny really need to wait outside on the stoop? No, it's cold and he probably shouldn't be doing that, even if he is bundled up. But he's waiting there regardless, excited about the idea of checking this place out.]

[ Someone's eager. Robby shows up, sorta surprised as he does get closer at seeing the figure, but not entirely. He's got his omen out with him, and even when they're going out, that's right: he's still a walking mass of shadows that's fulfilling his edgy-looking quota. Don't mind him, he's just shy.

It's as he gets closer that Robby speaks up, the cold air turning his breath white. ]

You eager to get cold? I'd wait inside--we don't get weather this cold where I'm from.

[ It sucks!! ]

[As always Sunny gives a wave to Robby's omen, and also Robby too. But he wanted the little omen to feel comfortable because he was such a shy good boy.]

Winters where I'm from aren't that different to this. I'm used to snow, so I don't mind it. [He walks down the steps to meet him.]

[ Robby's omen lifts his head at Sunny's waving, but otherwise...does not come close. Not in any meaningful way--he never minds if he's approached. A peculiar thing. ]

Yeah? What's it like your side of the world anyway? Or your world, [ Robby fixes, with some humour. They can start walking, with Robby's omen taking the lead. ] It looked normal enough, what I saw it. Twelve months, four seasons--no elves or thousand year old people or magic?

[ We following a similar kind of normal here, Sunny. ]

[They are definitely following a similar kind of normal.]

Yeah, to all of that. I live in the north-east of the United States. [He pauses as he stares after Robby's omen, considering things.] Some people here probably don't know that country, now that I think about it, though.

[Another pause as he looks upward. This is apparently a very interesting thought experiment to him.] Or states could be different, even if you did. Oh, and I think there might be ghosts where I'm from. But I'm not sure.

[ Huh, he lives in America? Robby didn't even consider it--everyone just comes from 'some place' in his head, mostly. ]

You actually seen ghosts? Everyone thinks there's ghosts. And aliens. [ Which he says with a little humour. ] And if we're not all from different USAs, I know a guy from Utah with a demon in him?

[ ...maybe he shouldn't share that, but if they're actually getting into Weird Shit That Actually Exists territory... ]

Utah feels like a place where that would happen. [Sorry, Utah. And person that has a demon in him. That's highly unfortunate.]

I think I have. One night I heard piano and when I went down to the piano room my sister was there. I thought maybe I was imagining it but someone else heard the music, too. [He frowns lightly.] I want to believe it was really her.

[ Okay, that first part gets a sort. Sorry, Utah.

But that second part? Yeah, Robby's not going to be a doubter on that. Instead: ]

That sounds better than the stories you usually hear. [ He pauses. ] How old was she?

[ Older than Sunny, or younger? ]

She was my older sister. Fifteen when she died.

[It was something painful to think about still. She was so young. She still had so much life in her.]

I'm older than her now. [He swallows.] It's hard to think about that.

[ He puts a hand on Sunny's shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. ]

You want to talk about her? We don't have to. [ Lightly: ] But I wouldn't mind hearing about her. Never got to know what it's like having siblings.

[Sunny blinks at the touch, looking over. It was appreciated.]

We can talk about her, it's okay. [Even saying that, it takes him a second to start.] I can't remember a time where Mari wasn't looking out for me. But... she looked out for everyone, really. She was kind, and thoughtful. Smart and hard-working, too. Everyone loved her.

[He pauses.] She used to set picnics up for us- our friends. We had a secret hang out spot behind the park and we would relax there. She always made me feel so safe.

January and February Catch-All

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