This is one of the challenges of friendship, to balance what is serious with what is painful to speak of. It is one of the challenges Chozen has not excelled at in the past.
Sometimes, it is as if life is split into two sides, separated by a porous veil. There are the things that are troublesome, the difficult times, the hurt that people have caused one another. There are the pleasant things, sitting in the sunshine with a friendly companion, easy conversation, light-hearted jokes. The veil between them is the distinction between acquaintance and friend, those who know of your best and those who have shared in your worst.
Chozen's difficulty has always been at the veil. He has said too much of what is painful, and rent it, contaminating the side of happiness and ease. He has said too little, and never reached across it at all, no connection made between him and others. Either way, people drift to the periphery. Not enemies, not even indifferent - but not close.
Kumiko was the exception, and now, perhaps Daniel. People who he did not have to share the worst with, because they had seen it, and he did not need to find a way to explain.
"You do not need to make excuses for my uncle to me," Chozen says, quietly, "I made enough excuses for him a long time ago."
The wind stirs the grass and the leaves.
"If I am different from Johnny, it is not because I am better person." He sighs, faintly, not upset, but - he feels his age, in moments like this one. "It is because when I was lost, I was not lost alone. Kumiko. My uncle. You, Daniel-san. Miyagi-san himself. So many people, all different, all necessary."
"And I let apology wait a long time." He has only looked at Daniel sidelong for some time, but now, at this, he must be direct. "Too long."
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Sometimes, it is as if life is split into two sides, separated by a porous veil. There are the things that are troublesome, the difficult times, the hurt that people have caused one another. There are the pleasant things, sitting in the sunshine with a friendly companion, easy conversation, light-hearted jokes. The veil between them is the distinction between acquaintance and friend, those who know of your best and those who have shared in your worst.
Chozen's difficulty has always been at the veil. He has said too much of what is painful, and rent it, contaminating the side of happiness and ease. He has said too little, and never reached across it at all, no connection made between him and others. Either way, people drift to the periphery. Not enemies, not even indifferent - but not close.
Kumiko was the exception, and now, perhaps Daniel. People who he did not have to share the worst with, because they had seen it, and he did not need to find a way to explain.
"You do not need to make excuses for my uncle to me," Chozen says, quietly, "I made enough excuses for him a long time ago."
The wind stirs the grass and the leaves.
"If I am different from Johnny, it is not because I am better person." He sighs, faintly, not upset, but - he feels his age, in moments like this one. "It is because when I was lost, I was not lost alone. Kumiko. My uncle. You, Daniel-san. Miyagi-san himself. So many people, all different, all necessary."
"And I let apology wait a long time." He has only looked at Daniel sidelong for some time, but now, at this, he must be direct. "Too long."