But Allen gets a little quiet at that question, eyes dropping down somewhere between them as he seems deep in thought. A little uneasy, a little fidgety, and there's a guilty sort of heavyness in how his eyes hood. Debating, conflicted--
But also unsure. ]
Before, in my world... it wanted to merge with me-- with Crown Clown. [ He reaches to take another cotton pad, needing the physical distraction, needing something to help keep him grounded, and begins to dab lightly at blood stemming from a nick on Shouto's neck. ]
Doing so would destroy the other thing inside of me it said. It would destroy Nea.
[ He says it so softly, so openly, that it masks the sheer dread and panic that batters around in his chest to mention that name out loud around Shouto. One calm sliver away from panic. ]
But it's also what killed my master. [ His tone hardens, stern as he dabs at the blood with a sense of conviction instead of hesitation. ] And Timcanpy. And a friend of mine, who tried to help me escape even if it meant giving up everything he'd believed in.
[ So I absolutely will never merge with that thing is left unsaid, but the disgust and resolution is written on his face and in his tone. A bluntness in how he speaks that he doesn't normally have. Anger and conviction, frustration, grief, but ones that have long hardened and had time to form into a sense of purpose. And to keep fighting at all costs.
Mostly because he's never had the luxury of being able to let himself break down and feel them all in their fullest, and resists that at his core. It's a survival reflex. A necessity of his world. ]
But I don't know. This time, in this place... it's different. [ Voice softening again, he pulls back. Letting the cotton pad drop into Shouto's hand the moment he opens it to incinerate it, but Allen's expression is a little lost again then. ]
no subject
But Allen gets a little quiet at that question, eyes dropping down somewhere between them as he seems deep in thought. A little uneasy, a little fidgety, and there's a guilty sort of heavyness in how his eyes hood. Debating, conflicted--
But also unsure. ]
Before, in my world... it wanted to merge with me-- with Crown Clown. [ He reaches to take another cotton pad, needing the physical distraction, needing something to help keep him grounded, and begins to dab lightly at blood stemming from a nick on Shouto's neck. ]
Doing so would destroy the other thing inside of me it said. It would destroy Nea.
[ He says it so softly, so openly, that it masks the sheer dread and panic that batters around in his chest to mention that name out loud around Shouto. One calm sliver away from panic. ]
But it's also what killed my master. [ His tone hardens, stern as he dabs at the blood with a sense of conviction instead of hesitation. ] And Timcanpy. And a friend of mine, who tried to help me escape even if it meant giving up everything he'd believed in.
[ So I absolutely will never merge with that thing is left unsaid, but the disgust and resolution is written on his face and in his tone. A bluntness in how he speaks that he doesn't normally have. Anger and conviction, frustration, grief, but ones that have long hardened and had time to form into a sense of purpose. And to keep fighting at all costs.
Mostly because he's never had the luxury of being able to let himself break down and feel them all in their fullest, and resists that at his core. It's a survival reflex. A necessity of his world. ]
But I don't know. This time, in this place... it's different. [ Voice softening again, he pulls back. Letting the cotton pad drop into Shouto's hand the moment he opens it to incinerate it, but Allen's expression is a little lost again then. ]
This time, Nea is already gone.