And even though she's dreaming

[likethelight]

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki
What: In seeking to understand himself better, Allen's still-persisting doubts and fears about the nature of his power manifest in nightmares that, for Palebloods who can walk in dreams with others... isn't guaranteed to stay a problem you can keep to yourself forever.
When: End of April
Where: the nightmare fuel place inside Allen's head 🙃

Content Warnings: The general existential and some minor body horror that surrounds Allen, being hunted, discussion of child soldiers, child abuse, religious zealotry, parasitic entities, etc.

[ Upon waking, it feels just like that -- waking. Even if it would be more accurate to say it's actually like falling asleep deeper, straight down through the depths of consciousness until you come out the other side. Where you know your mind is awake and alert, your thoughts conscious, but the world around you...

...it isn't quite right.

When Shouto feels his consciousness drift and steps from one dream to the next, one of the first things he might notice is how the pale bloodstone band on his ear thrums with a heavy resonance in a way it never has before. Reactive and -- perhaps seeking? Like the world around him has made it come alive, or it makes the world alive. It quickly calms to a whisper, and then the world comes into focus.

It's dark. A forest at night. Nondescript; it seems like it could be anywhere, perhaps even the Trenchwood. Quiet, which wouldn't seem ominous until you suddenly realize there should still be some sort of sound of life, of at least the wind in the leaves, yet there is nothing. And then-- a flash of white streaking past him like a rabbit being pursued. No warning, no sound of the brush being broken and pushed through. ]

Shouto--?! [ It's a bit of a startled squawk, head snapping around as Allen leaps past him before realizing that someone's there, and who it is. With eyes that are entirely lucid and clear, and not caught in any kind of hazy dream unreality. He comes to a quick skidded stop on his heel, the picture as he ever is in Trench, save for one detail.

The left arm, dragging behind him not as an arm but as a mutated sort of wing. Glowing white and shedding feathers as his invocation does, but not in any form it's ever taken. Not the polished and delicately wrought form Crown Clown is supposed to take, but something that seems frantic and unlike himself. Entirely mutant and otherworldly, feathers squirming where there was probably once fingers, without reflecting any of Allen himself.

But aside from bracing it with his good hand it doesn't seem to be bothering him, and he's just staring at Shouto like of all things, somehow his being here is the strangest?

Yet the air seems to be slowly pressing down further on the both of them. Oppressive; unnatural. Like the night itself is what's actually dangerous. ]

Why are you here...?

Comments

[swellter]

[ He looks down at the streak of blood on his hand and lets go of his hand long enough to freeze it. Blood was power, but it was also a corrupting force. He's worked too long with the Hunters not to contain it the instant he spots it. Normally, he carried glass vials to seal the blood for trade, but here, he destroys it in a controlled blaze that instantly sublimes the ice leaving behind nothing but a dark stain where the blood once was and stems the flow of more with a layer of ice over the cut.

When he's done, he moves to take Allen's hand again, looking straight at him, and pulls him up off the comfortable bedding. This wasn't their home. It was a mirage and Shouto wanted nothing to do with anything that wasn't real which is why he held on to Allen firmly, unwilling to let him go.

Let's go find it.

He mouths silently, the echo in his mind eerily absent this time as he tugs him forward. No time to waste in illusions. ]

[likethelight]

[ That doesn't explain why you were bleeding though, he thinks as he watches him burn the blood. Would blood in a dream even corrupt? Maybe, maybe not. If it's anything like the beast that had attached to Shouto like a parasite it could, but because of Allen's eye he doesn't think it's that... but it also doesn't seem like anything they should take a chance with. It won't unless it corresponds with trauma to their psyche, but-- it's hardly like either of them have experience with that.

Allen follows the tug forward and rises, eyes to Shouto's with a quiet determination but silent as his mind turns over the situation. It's not something as simple as "finding" it, not if it's his Innocence and it's anything like how he got it back before. That's ominous, and leaves him feeling a little lost.

He blinks when he watches Shouto mouth something to him again, instinctively understanding his determination and let's go, but the voice is missing. Allen shakes his head lightly, though he still follows him as they move to the door. ]

I can't hear you anymore. [ So what were you doing before? It wasn't the blood, was it? But there's no hum in the band against his ear though, no sense of connection to a feeling that feels like Shouto. ]

Shouto, I think it's the earrings. [ A hint?

Outside the windows it's dark, but there's a soft glow that slowly becomes noticeable, like it was always there and only now is it something that catches their notice. Like moonlight... but reddish. It illuminates soft flakes that fall and begin to collect on the ledges and ground. A pink snow. ]

[swellter]

[ There it is again. Hear? That gets him to stop in his tracks. He looks over his shoulder at Allen, taking in his words as they are not as he thought they were. Was he... Did he hear him? How? When he couldn't even hear himself.

He knows, then that he's missing a crucial fact he overlooked. One Allen provides him with before he has a chance to derive the answer himself. It takes him aback, a look of utter confusion creasing a line on his temple.

Earring?

He mouths, touching his own but failing to connect to Allen's bloodstone when his confusion at the situation overrode the desire to talk to him. ]

[likethelight]

[ His ability to read lips is not good enough to pick that up, but he can pick up on the confused look figure it out from how Shouto touches his own earring. Did he have no idea what he'd done then?

Allen gives a nod, idly touching his own earring. ]

Whatever you did before, I could hear you in here. [ He taps the side of his head. ] Like you were actually speaking. But the stone was really warm too.

I think it let you speak through it. [ It isn't the strangest idea, he's helped Viktor with his bloodstone research and it's done some pretty amazing things. But it's still incredible. Perhaps because it's also a dream and his desire made it reality? But who's to say. ]

[swellter]

[ Through his earring? He looks astounded. Tries to scrape together the few things he uncovered about the bloodstone after he realized the depth of his patron's gift. ]

You... can hear me?

[ He touches his earring, his voice barely above a whisper, the strength of his resolve no longer what it was a few moments before and it's present in the quiet whisper of his words, barely fluttering through the bond. ]

[likethelight]

[ ! ]

Yes, I can! [ Elated and amazed! It's faint, but there's no movement of his lips this time to make Allen doubt the source. He claps his hand to Shouto's cheek, cupping it first in wonder and then in affection, his expression softening. ]

That's incredible.

[swellter]

[ Stunned by his exclamation. That he - that the bloodstone. Allen's bloodstone held that much power and stares back in equal amazement. ]

It's your bloodstone.

[ His voice is stronger through the bond this time, his confidence growing, and no longer tries to speak aloud. He can feel the subtle thread connecting him to the paleblood stone. Allen's stone. ]

Is it because it's your dream?

[likethelight]

[ It's like the flicker of a small flame being coaxed to life. Faint at first, barely there, but Allen can feel a growing sense of warmth, of a presence there other than just his own as he focuses on it; on wanting to deepen it and connect and hear him. To be there too.

Ironic, it's not to dissimilar than when he focuses on connecting with Crown Clown. Opening your soul up to another. ]

Maybe. [ His tone takes on a softer inflection, thoughtful. They won't know until they're out of it, and it isn't something he's going to worry about until they're there. He leans to press his forehead lightly against Shouto's, as if trying to visualize and strength the connection with a faint and loving nuzzle. ]

I think it's more because of you than me, though.

[swellter]

[ Connecting to it feels like the tiniest thread drifting in the dark hitting something solid in the beyond. In his ignorance, he can't tell what he's come across only that it's attached to Allen, and lightly tugs on it to test its strength.

The thread holds. ]

Him?

[ A skeptical look crosses his eyes, not realizing he's sent that thought through the bond before seeking clarification. ]

It's your bloodstone. Your dream.

[likethelight]

And yours. [ Allen smiles faintly at that, letting go to touch the stone on his own ear. Shouto's bloodstone. His demeanor gentler now and steadied; stronger and a bit more sure of himself. Less rattled. ]

It's warm and feels like you.

[ He lets his hand drop, back straightening with a renewed kind of purpose. ]

However it is, I'm glad.

[swellter]

It feels dark.

[ He thinks, wondering why Allen would feel like that to him. ]

It doesn't feel like you.

[likethelight]

[ What?

He blinks, both startling and becoming a little still at that. ]

Dark?

[swellter]

Like you're there but hidden in the dark.

[likethelight]

[ Oh...

He relaxes a little at that, although he's not entirely sure, but gives a tentative nod. He tries to focus on the feeling as well, on Shouto's voice and that faint sense. ]

It's faint.

But, it's still you.

[swellter]

[ He steps forward to take Allen's hand in his. ]

It still feels like you.

[likethelight]

[ Allen smiles at that, soft and small but with a true relief as he squeezes Shouto's hand gently. Hopeful; grateful. He gives a small nod, eyes clear. ]

This isn't going to be as easy as just finding my Innocence again I don't think.

[ But he doesn't say it like one discouraged. ]

[swellter]

Allen. [ His voice echoes through the bond connecting to something beyond his senses. ] There was never anything easy about you. I don't expect that to change now or in the future.

[ What lay ahead of them had always been a mystery, but he was willing to walk in the dark beside him, believing there would be light on the other side. ]

I have faith in you.

1/2

[likethelight]

[ oh

Allen blinks, staring at him for a moment at being called out on being anything but easy... and laughs softly then. ]

Ouch. [ But he says it with a weak, sheepish little laugh, not actually stung even if maybe a little guilty at the call-out, and leans in to squeeze Shouto's hand tight. And Allen smiles, expression softening as he looks up at him affectionately and with genuine love.

I have faith in you. Even for Shouto who's said he loves him too, saying something like that, having faith in him even when things are ugly and messy... It means something so very special.

Who ever truly had faith in him before? Was it just Johnny? He wanted Lenalee to, but could he have ever dared hope she actually did? ]

Let's go then. [ He says it softly, with promise, and steps towards the door. It slides opens and they step through-- ]

2/2

[likethelight]

[ To a place very different.

A forest again, but this one is comprised entirely of old bamboo. Old leaves cover the ground, and in front of them they're soaked and darkened by a puddle of blood. Like someone had bled out, but there's no body. Snow falls, melting red at the edges of the kill site, and only just barely beginning to collect without melting where it isn't. But even there it begins to form as pink cover, and where it falls on them before melting to stain their clothing lightly pink. A blood snow.

And above, the moon is full and looming so very close. A deep red, blood moon. ]

[swellter]

[ Faith is why he can walk beside Allen, blind to the path ahead, and not fear the outcome. Fueled not by pride or unfounded confidence, but an acceptance in his heart that this is what he wanted. No matter the outcome, he would not regret walking into the unknown with him. In this moment, he wants nothing more than to be here, at his side, where he can hear his laughter. That was what he connected with hidden in the dark. Not the shadows in the dark, or his powers born of light, but the soul so poignantly displayed in the sound of his laughter.

It doesn't matter to him what lies ahead or what promises Allen makes. It was never what he said that made him fall in love with him, but the sound of his soul in harmony with his. So, as they step through the door into an old forest covered in blood, Shouto isn't afraid because here is where he wants to be, and this time, he won't let anyone tell him they inhabit a different world and take him away.

Red stains this world, melting the snow that drips onto their clothes. His grip tightens on Allen's hand, and he steps closer till their shoulders touch, before looking up at the sky where a blood moon hangs among the stars. ]

We found it.

[likethelight]

[ The ironic thing is he never laughed quite so much until you, you know? Not the genuine, easy laughter that comes more and more easily to him in the everyday. Laughter that comes from being truly content and happy, and not just from putting on a good front or trying so very hard to find what positive there is in a very dark world. Instead, it's beautiful. Finally, he understands and the world is truly beautiful, even when it might still have dark and terrible things.

It's so much easier to laugh then, and smile and take someone's hand. Because that is what is beautiful.

Allen stares wordlessly for a long moment at the scene as the world shifts around them into focus though, and the door behind them disappears. With recognition, like someone who's seen a ghost, though he is quick to shake it and looks up at the moon above. It seems larger than any moon should, looming in a way that seems to subtly be getting closer, like an omen. They found it, yes, but is it necessarily a good thing?

He recognizes this moon.

But his attention falls back on the dark bloodstain on the forest floor, and there is a strange and heavy kind of poignancy to it. A slight twitch of his left shoulder and the stump of his arm. He looks briefly at Shouto then, gentle and somber. Almost as if checking something about him, debating something, before he turns back. He squeezes his hand lightly, returning and affirming the sentiment. ]

I've been here before.

[swellter]

[ Red stains the white of his boots, impervious to fire and ice, let alone the snow melt. Shouto stands so very still amid the blood, ignoring the red that cascades down his shoulder and slides down the back of his hero outfit made of the strongest fibers. The urge to burn it off rises within him, yet he stays his instincts aware of Allen beside him. He's had a year and a half to grow used to the blood that permeated the air in some parts of Trench. It's why he so thoroughly washed himself every night. It wasn't the sweat he tried to remove but the stench of blood on his skin he never grew used to. Why he loved to bury his nose in Allen's skin, mostly his neck, after a bath when he smelled of lavender and other oils he sometimes applied before bed.

He gravitates to him now, his familiar scent overpowering the scent of blood in the air. This close, he can see the silent debate in his eyes before he comes to a decision and squeezes his hand. Shouto squeezes back, not pressing for an answer, but waiting for what he has to say. When it comes, it's not what he expected, a sentiment that's clear in the way his fingers tighten on his and the furrow in his brows. ]

... What is this place?

[likethelight]

[ If this were Trench and reality and he without his Innocence, he'd be very worried of the blood snow and the light of the moon. It's not dissimilar to the months when the moonlight itself became dangerous instead of the generally benevolent force it was, and maybe they should be. But, he has a feeling it's something that needs to be faced too, not avoided. If he gains his Innocence back, there isn't a worry either. That has to be his focus.

Blood, for Allen, is also something he has long been used to the smell of. Even if he hates it. Blood, oil, and ash. ]

I died here.

[ He says it so very simply, directed towards the stain on the ground. So quietly, like it isn't a bombshell, but he threads his fingers gently with Shouto's. A preemptive anchoring gesture, before he looks up again at the moon. ]

This is where my Innocence was destroyed, before it became Crown Clown.

[swellter]

Died?!

[ A noise at the back of his throat gets tangled up with a sharp intake of breath that sounds more like a wheezing sound, pathetic and urgent all at once. Again, he tries to force out words stuck in his throat, but his voice has been stolen, and even if it hadn't no words could ever convey the agony of hearing that confession from someone who once died in his arms.

Blood. So much blood. Was this his blood?! He looks to Allen looking devastated at the image conjured up in his mind of a body growing cold in his arms. The heat of blue flames entangled with his own, turning him to ash. His throat tightens at the memory and he engulfs Allen in a one-armed hug, refusing to let go of his hand. He clings to it just like he clings to Allen afraid to let go and watch him crumble to ash. ]

Wat

[ Eyes squeezed shut, holding onto him beneath the blood moon, he pushes past the nightmare holding him back, sounding more like a croak than a question. ]

hapined?

[likethelight]

[ ! ]

Shouto...

[ He says it softly, both surprise at the sudden hug he's swept into, the strength of Shouto's reaction that pushes words out of even his damaged throat, and a gentle lament at it. He tries to bring his hand up to cup his face before he realizes it... isn't there and he doesn't want to let go of Shouto's hand with his other. It's distressingly frustrating for a moment before he lets it go and kisses his cheek instead very softly. Quietly, with a somber kind of dignity about him, and he kisses his cheek a second time then with how devastated he seems.

It's alright.

It doesn't smell like blood then: it smells like Shouto. A little peppery and like fire from the use of his power earlier, but with the soothing ever-present note of green tea underneath. The next few snowflakes that fall and catch on their hair, they're white. And Allen opens his eyes to try and look into Shouto's if he'll open them, lifting their joined hands up so he can press his hand gently to his cheek and encourage him to touch it.

I'm still here. ]

I got separated and caught off-guard after I had pushed my invocation too far. [ He's speaking as softly as he can still, trying to ease the distress of it as he noses gently at him in reminder that he's here; he's alive. I didn't want to tell you this ever, but I think I have to if we're going to get past this. ] I couldn't fight anymore, so...

[ His smile stretches a bit thin then, becoming wan as his brows knit in a conflicted way as Allen struggles to find the least damaging way to say it, and shrugs very lightly. ]

He was someone who could destroy Innocence with a touch. That was the difference in power between us. So he did that to my arm and left me here then to bleed out from a hole in my heart.

[ It is the most painfully sanitized way of saying his arm was brutally wrenched off before he was made to watch it get turned to ash and then had a carnivorous insect pushed inside his chest to chew. But those are details that even beyond the fact he'd never tell any loved one something so needlessly distressing, Allen... is haunted by them himself still.

And there's no sign of a struggle here, nothing to suggest a fight. The leaves are barely scuffed and none of the bamboo has been broken. Whatever happened here was silent and lonely -- and utterly one-sided. ]

But it wasn't fully destroyed, even if it was supposed to be. It became a part of my heart and brought me back. [ And he hesitates, looking around again even as he stays in Shouto's loose embrace. ]

I think... that has to mean something now.