( open ) if you have something to say

[facultative]

Who: Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader (facultative) and you!
What: November catchall
When: Throughout November
Where: Various

Content Warnings: violence
i. no fighting
[By this point Anakin is looking like a textbook example of what advanced corruption looks like. Fanged teeth, fever and glassy, bloodshot eyes and an unwillingness to seek treatment has most of the locals giving him a wide berth. He's already drawn his lightsaber against quite a few people who had tried to assist him.

Perhaps your character is minding their own business or perhaps they’re keeping a wary eye on a clearly volatile young man. Regardless Anakin will notice them for whatever reason.]

What are you looking at?

ii. potential for violence
[The next person that tries to convince him to seek help hangs suspended in the air as they try to grapple with the invisible force holding them by the throat.]

Do I look like I need help?

[Slowly Anakin increases the pressure and their eyes bulge before they catch another character’s eyes, one hand leaving their neck to frantically gesture for help.

Otherwise use i. or make up your own prompt! This is mostly so I know who doesn't mind things escalating.]

iii. obi-wan
[Anakin had been hard to locate last month with his bloodtype allowing him to seemingly vanish into thin air, but the new month had removed that advantage and it was only a matter of time before he ran into his old master.]

You look tired.

[He looks worse, but he feels better than he has in a long time. Releasing the weight of his previous indecision having a greater impact than the effects of corruption. He draws his lightsaber, revealing the red blade as he points it against Obi-Wan.]

Last chance to walk away.

Comments

[jedies]

If you do nothing, it'll never be enough.

[facultative]

[He shakes his head.]

I'm not like you.

[jedies]

. . . I never asked you to be.

[facultative]

I wish I was though.

[Even after having a small child suddenly placed in his care. Obi-Wan had always seem so sure of his place and his path. Not like him who was always plagued by doubts and fears.]

[jedies]

Oh, Anakin.

No one ever said you couldn't have doubts. Why didn't you ever say anything?

[facultative]

[He's internalised so many things that he doesn't recognise where they come from.]

...I didn't want to disappoint you.

[Or maybe they wouldn't have let him stay if they knew how much trouble he was having or he didn't think anyone would have understood or a thousand different reasons which all amounted to the same thing.

Fear.]

[jedies]

[ fear leads to anger. anger leads to hate. and hate . . . leads to suffering. there's never been a more textbook case of it.

he sighs. ]

There's nothing disappointing about feeling conflicted or confused. These are normal emotions. We all have them. Even myself. But bottling them up and pretending they don't exist . . . well, I don't think I need to say more.

[facultative]

But I shouldn't be. I came from nothing, less than nothing. I shouldn't have any of this so why can't I be happy?

[It shouldn't be wrong for him to want more. It was unfair that he had to be content with what he had.

He doesn't even notice the direction his thoughts are going.]

[jedies]

[ ah. well, the crux of it is clear. obi-wan lets out a quiet breath, collecting his calm. ]

Because you don't want to lose them. You want to hold onto it, all of it. Regardless of what other people want or feel.

[facultative]

[Regardless? It was only natural to want to keep his loved ones close, but was he willing to go further than they were?

He knows the answer to that. But whether he considered that attachment or a sign that they cared less is another question.]

These thoughts are natural, but you need to be mindful of them. [He's paraphrasing lessons learned when he was younger.] Emotion, yet peace.

[jedies]

[ his lips curve, though there's no real humour present. ]

Quoting the axioms is one thing. Living them is another.

[facultative]

And if I can't?

[He knows what he has to do, but he's spent so long ignoring them and deciding that his way is better.]

[jedies]

Then it may not be the life you want.

Which is what I asked you long ago. If you wanted to do something else, Anakin, all you had to do was say so.

But you can't have it both ways. You've made commitments.

[facultative]

[What does it matter to choose when the choice has already been made?]

I can't make him disappear. [Not that he'd even want to forget Luke existed.]

[jedies]

And I wouldn't ask you to.

But he deserves a father. Not an absent one who lies to both families.

[facultative]

The path of a Jedi doesn't leave room for that either.

[And he's never considered the Jedi his family. Only Obi-Wan.]

[jedies]

No. The path of the Jedi is for those who are selfless and put others before themselves.

It leaves plenty of room for connections and meaningful relationships. You told Ahsoka once, "purpose before feelings."

Now is not the time to claim ignorance about your teachings just because they don't give you what you want.

[facultative]

[Ahsoka is somehow a far more touchy subject than anything else he's got going on.]

Considering she's gone because I'm such a lousy Jedi and teacher maybe I don't actually know anything.

So how does it feel knowing I'm a disappointment?

[jedies]

[ it takes a moment but it clicks. ultimately, anakin doesn't care that he could have hurt people. hurt anyone. it is obi-wan's opinion he is chasing. not change, not redemption, not even the chance.

a part of him is aghast. heartbroken.

quietly. ]

Nothing I feel would matter. You've made that clear.

[facultative]

Of course it matters. How can you say it doesn't?

[Anakin's been forcibly dragged back for now, but the circumstances that made it happen haven't changed. He already feels rubbed raw trying to grapple with the enormity of his actions and this is like adding salt to the wound.]

[jedies]

Because people got hurt, Anakin! It should be more than my own feelings.

Other people matter.

cw self harm

[facultative]

Since when have other people cared!

[He digs his hand into his injuries, letting the sharp bloom of renewed pain wash over his mind. His breath quickens as he holds back whimpers of pain, but he doesn't relent.]

I've tried and tried and it's never enough. I just want it to stop.

[jedies]

[ obi-wan gives a quiet exhale. gingerly, he peels anakin's hand away from his wound. ]

Nothing will stop this way, Anakin. It'll just give way to more pain.

[facultative]

[He doesn't push back as Obi-Wan pulls his hand away. If anything, he goes limp and lets the man do as he pleases.]

I'm tired, Master.

[jedies]

[ his expression goes melancholic along the edges. ]

I know, Anakin. We will get through this.