[The thing is, he has always suspected Reaper understood, and now with his empathic power, he knows it. And it's something that's always frightened him because he doesn't want to be like this man. But this man who caused him so much pain is... possibly the only person who has come and said things to him that he actually needs to hear, that actually help and resonate. Idealists and friends who have given him advice recently and over the years have said pretty words about how he gets to decide who he wants to be and that the past is in the past, that it'll destroy him if he doesn't let it go. And each time he's felt like he was fumbling to figure out how to apply that to himself, how to live it, and he's been left feeling hollow, lost and inadequate.
And many of his memories of the time he completely broke after killing Allura are spotty and confused, but he knows it was Reaper there, and he knows it was Reaper who found him when he was a baby, and he knows by now that both he and Moira saw something in him that was... familiar. He's conflicted and he's tired. His omen hands him the hammer and he grasps it without thinking with his most injured hand and it fumbles to the ground and his omen immediately goes to retrieve it for him. A pause, and then he starts to really feel how messed up he is physically. It's not been that long since the fight, and yet...]
I'm... not healing. And... [He doesn't know why he admits it. His emotional state reached a certain point and he feels like his very core broke under the pressure of his fear and his exhaustion and confusion and slightly shifted perspectives in a way. He reached a point where he couldn't deny that he was getting certain feelings and having needs he didn't realize he had met by this bastard.] Actually I... I'm pretty sure you're the only person who really... understands me. And I hate it.
[He punctuates that with hammering a nail down. If he sounds utterly petrified, but too tired to keep fighting it... it's because he is. It sounds like he's resigned to the fact that he's lost a painful war, more pain is on the horizon and he can't figure out if he has any real control over his fate.]
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And many of his memories of the time he completely broke after killing Allura are spotty and confused, but he knows it was Reaper there, and he knows it was Reaper who found him when he was a baby, and he knows by now that both he and Moira saw something in him that was... familiar. He's conflicted and he's tired. His omen hands him the hammer and he grasps it without thinking with his most injured hand and it fumbles to the ground and his omen immediately goes to retrieve it for him. A pause, and then he starts to really feel how messed up he is physically. It's not been that long since the fight, and yet...]
I'm... not healing. And... [He doesn't know why he admits it. His emotional state reached a certain point and he feels like his very core broke under the pressure of his fear and his exhaustion and confusion and slightly shifted perspectives in a way. He reached a point where he couldn't deny that he was getting certain feelings and having needs he didn't realize he had met by this bastard.] Actually I... I'm pretty sure you're the only person who really... understands me. And I hate it.
[He punctuates that with hammering a nail down. If he sounds utterly petrified, but too tired to keep fighting it... it's because he is. It sounds like he's resigned to the fact that he's lost a painful war, more pain is on the horizon and he can't figure out if he has any real control over his fate.]