[ It feels good, really good, to press close to him, to have Flynn be strong when he can't be. He should probably stand on his own feet, he should be stronger, he shoulder pull back and show that he can do this, that he can do it himself, that he doesn't need Flynn to pick up his slack like he has for so long.
But he can't bring him to do it. He can't bring himself to pull back. He feels like a little kid, for a minute, huddling up near the fire, wishing that he didn't have to be alone. It was always a stupid thought, because he was alone. He was alone for a long time, no matter how many people were around, none of them were with Yuri, none of them put him first. At least, until Flynn. And the two of them worked together for so long, did everything together, two halves of a whole, supporting each other, chasing down bullies together, learning to fight together, protecting their quarter together. They leaned on each other, and that was never weak. It was never bad, it was how they lived, how they survived, by the sword, with each other.
It changed when they grew up, when they were no longer together all the time, when Flynn became respectable and important, and Yuri became the nothing that he always was. Without Flynn there, he was alone, with Repede, sure, but still more alone than he was before. Repede is his partner, but he isn't his other half. He didn't let him lean on anyone, he couldn't. He was a whole by himself, he had to be.
But the last few months, being with Flynn all the time, sharing a bed with him again, Yuri feels almost like they're kids again, fighting together, dreaming together, and he knows he's the one who fucked that up, who ruined their plans to be knights together, to carve out their future together. He's the one who left Flynn alone, and he doesn't deserve for Flynn to take on his weight, but here he is, doing it willingly, holding Yuri close when Yuri can't make himself stand on his own two feet.
He wants to stay there, feeling supported, feeling loved, taking those feelings that he should leave for someone else, for someone who deserves Flynn's love, but he wants it. He wants it with a burning ferocity in his heart, that had been an ember, but has climbed up in the last few months and, if he's being honest, much longer. He has no claim over Flynn, not anymore, not ever, really. He has nothing to offer, nothing to give, but he loves him, and it's so simple a fact that it's just a part of him, and the selfish part of himself wants to keep Flynn for himself, and that part he can't let stand.
Minutes, maybe longer, later, he sucks in a breath, and pushes himself up. His eyes are bloodshot, and he doesn't look at Flynn, he can't, but his hand drops to Flynn's squeezing tight. ]
Gonna clean up. Uh, [ He wants to ask Flynn to wait for him, or come with him. He doesn't want help, exactly, but he doesn't want to be alone. ]
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But he can't bring him to do it. He can't bring himself to pull back. He feels like a little kid, for a minute, huddling up near the fire, wishing that he didn't have to be alone. It was always a stupid thought, because he was alone. He was alone for a long time, no matter how many people were around, none of them were with Yuri, none of them put him first. At least, until Flynn. And the two of them worked together for so long, did everything together, two halves of a whole, supporting each other, chasing down bullies together, learning to fight together, protecting their quarter together. They leaned on each other, and that was never weak. It was never bad, it was how they lived, how they survived, by the sword, with each other.
It changed when they grew up, when they were no longer together all the time, when Flynn became respectable and important, and Yuri became the nothing that he always was. Without Flynn there, he was alone, with Repede, sure, but still more alone than he was before. Repede is his partner, but he isn't his other half. He didn't let him lean on anyone, he couldn't. He was a whole by himself, he had to be.
But the last few months, being with Flynn all the time, sharing a bed with him again, Yuri feels almost like they're kids again, fighting together, dreaming together, and he knows he's the one who fucked that up, who ruined their plans to be knights together, to carve out their future together. He's the one who left Flynn alone, and he doesn't deserve for Flynn to take on his weight, but here he is, doing it willingly, holding Yuri close when Yuri can't make himself stand on his own two feet.
He wants to stay there, feeling supported, feeling loved, taking those feelings that he should leave for someone else, for someone who deserves Flynn's love, but he wants it. He wants it with a burning ferocity in his heart, that had been an ember, but has climbed up in the last few months and, if he's being honest, much longer. He has no claim over Flynn, not anymore, not ever, really. He has nothing to offer, nothing to give, but he loves him, and it's so simple a fact that it's just a part of him, and the selfish part of himself wants to keep Flynn for himself, and that part he can't let stand.
Minutes, maybe longer, later, he sucks in a breath, and pushes himself up. His eyes are bloodshot, and he doesn't look at Flynn, he can't, but his hand drops to Flynn's squeezing tight. ]
Gonna clean up. Uh, [ He wants to ask Flynn to wait for him, or come with him. He doesn't want help, exactly, but he doesn't want to be alone. ]