[closed] don't call him dr. L

[torpour]

Who: Nehan and his students.
What: It's about time to start being a teacher, which means meeting up with them one by one and conducting their first lessons-- sparring for some, medic training for others. May not be completely nice and productive, due to blood type shenanigans. Thanks, December.
When: Early to mid-December.
Where: Nehan's house for medical studies, and some fields away from people for combat training.

Content Warnings: Physical violence, little bit of beasthood, potential potty mouths, potential squicky conversations, Nehan's personal issues with his disabilities. More TBA when they come up.

[[ starters in the comments below. if you'd like to get in on this but we haven't plotted it out, feel free to shoot me a pp at wildtrapinch and we can talk! ]]

Comments

[searingwing]

[Diluc nods. Slowly he falls into the stance he copied, looking to Nehan to correct what he got wrong. He's a fast learner and vicious once he finds his footing. But right now he's quiet, calm, and oddly serene.

It has everything to do with banishing the past to the darkest corners of his mind and focusing on now. It's the Diluc he shows to Mondstadt on a day to day basis. Like a sword waiting to be directed in combat.]

Understood.

[torpour]

Relax. [nehan pushes a finger into diluc's ribs.] Breathe deep, flex your body, hold yourself loosely.

You know what happens when fire and ice come together, yes? Air and water-- and that's what you must be. [it's not the way a karm assassin would learn, but nehan has to adjust their teachings to use analogies a man from another world can learn.

he's doing it again, using their techniques in ways that would be frowned upon. but diluc is an honorable man who only wants to protect people... nehan imagines he is, for the first time in his life, upholding the clan's tenets of steeping himself in darkness to make sure that the common folk can live their lives peacefully.]

Flowing and able to adapt, no matter what comes your way.

[searingwing]

[Flowing and adapting. Like the wind.

There is a time when he is like that. When he has two knives in his hands and walks in darkness. Sometimes it feels like the most honest version of himself these days. He works alone more often than not. He has to adapt to changing circumstances or die. There is no other option.

He breathes deep and the rigidity leaves him. He is a creature of the night, the lone owl watching for fools and prey. It’s like a final mask being shed even if he can almost feels the weight of the cloak and mask he wears in those late hours. He is what he must be. But that’s never been hard for him.

His father made an adaptable weapon by directing the vast passion of a young man who saw it his mission in life to protect others. All it takes is the right words and thoughts to turn the will of the blade towards a goal.]

[torpour]

Now, the stance... Our art relies on the fighter being able to anticipate a blow coming, and dodging it to create their own opening for a counterattack.

Surely you've seen me perform this over and over, shoddy as my technique is.

Footwork is key. Agility is key. Speed is key. [so many things are key, in the ways nehan's clan operate-- all of them have to be perfect in what they do, which highlights nehan's weakness all the more. he was never the best at anything, after all.] Judgement is also key-- which way you will dodge, and how you will repay that blow with one of your own. Taking a hit is... fine, I suppose, but the enemy will truly feel it if they're caught off guard, and that's what dodging will offer you.

[then he assumes his stance one more time, and leans back and shuffles his feet from side to side, showing how easy it is to move with arms free and not clenched so tightly to the body.]

[searingwing]

[Diluc studies his footwork carefully. He will need to practice this, but the basics are still in line with what he is good at. With a claymore he is a bulwark. With knives, he has to dance and move with the flow of a fight.

Very like the wind. He moves shuffles then, moving slowly but smoothly. Just to show he could see what Nehan was getting at. He repeats it but faster. Unlike his fist work, there is clear habits and experience here.] Be as wind and lighting, then? I see.

[torpour]

Yes.

Loose with your arms and legs. Wait for an opening, and then punish. You may even use your legs. [nehan doesn't-- for obvious reasons.]

Now, you will try it. I throw a blow, and you dodge and counter-- understand?

[searingwing]

[He doesn’t know what it says about him that once he thought of his night time fighting style and what it was for that it is easy to comply to those instructions.

He is no knight or even knight trained in this moment. He is part of an intelligence network spanding the whole of Teyvat and kills in the shadows where there is no room for errors. Even being cut could risk discovery. He nods once, waiting like an owl for the slightest movement in the proverbial grass.]

[torpour]

[nehan takes a deep breath, and releases it through his mouth. towards the tail end of that exhalation, he strikes out, as quick as a serpent, a punch aimed straight for diluc's chest. he doesn't even think about it, he simply does it, his entire body adjusting to put as much force into it as he can.

which is not a lot, really, even magically-imbued blows. nehan knows he's not a powerful man.]

[searingwing]

[Quick as lightning, Diluc is in motion. He moves out of the way of the blow, and forward. His strike is aimed to knock the wind out of his opponent.

And he doesn’t stick around for the result once he makes his blow, moving back and ready to dodge again. It’s the way he would behave with knives and daggers in hand. Once can’t afford to soak hits when you have to take your opponent down fast and quiet.]

[torpour]

[nehan's instinct is to dodge diluc's counterattack. but he takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders, planting both feet firmly onto the ground and hoping that the traction on these new shoes of his hold up. his stance is entirely defensive, and he takes diluc's blow with just a huff.

then he shakes himself off. perhaps he takes a little too long on that, but he still shakes himself from head to toe.]

Not bad. You clearly have experience... and yet you went on to hamstring yourself with your previous form that is broken and easily countered. Why?

Is it the Vision?

[searingwing]

Clarify, please. [He stays in stance but his bright red eyes fix on Nehan’s face. He’s in the moment and not thinking of anything past or before it.

He has to mean how he handles a claymore. But this isn’t simple. When he learned knives and the darkness, he was not in a good place. Day light hours require daylight thinking.]

[torpour]

You're picking up my lessons at a pace I never expected-- clearly you have prior experience in fighting this way. [and he's actually quite strong-- but nehan will not tell him that. there's no reason to give him that praise, this early on.]

So, why did you dumb yourself down? You were a stumbling baby deer before I forced you to leave behind the Vision, and the only reason I can think of is that you became too reliant on that thing for power.

[searingwing]

That’s not the reason. [The words come out before he even thinks about a reply. He pauses and rubs at his face. The dream and this place have been wearing on him little by little.

But Nehan is an odd friend and teacher.] It’s me.

[He could elaborate. But he is clearly visibly struggling with what to say. So he just says it.] I keep myself chained for a reason. If you want me to let them all go, I will.

But fighting like this…killing while fighting like this. Isn’t new to me at all.

[torpour]

I want to kick you. But that wouldn't hammer home the point I want to make. [but he still should, on principle. he just wont.]

You're holding yourself back, and that's unacceptable. And the fact that you kept it from me was unacceptable, as well.

[meaning, he will have to punish diluc for that in some way later. then he crosses his arms, walking around the human with his lopsided, crutchless gait, and not stopping. he wants diluc to feel scrutinized, and found lacking.]

What holds you back? Fear? Do you think that strength is in appropriate? [the former is easier to deal with, he just has to beat the man black and blue again... but the latter? that's trickier, that's morality talking.

and, unfortunately, nehan has a feeling it's the latter with what he knows of diluc's personality. it's a bad personality.]

[searingwing]

[Like this he is aware a dangerous fighter is circling. Watching. He says nothing until silence falls.] No.

My strength is necessary when it is necessary. I apologize for the offense and holding back.

[There is something odd about his expression. The air about him is somehow sharper, and he holds utterly still without much effort. All that he is when night falls are things he learned himself. Maybe one thing he learned best is he is a very effective weapon. Better than his father ever dreamed of.]

[torpour]

That's not enough. [his tail is wagging, but in the irritation that nehan is tamping down, so he doesn't show it on his face, or in his actions.]

Tell me what's holding you back, instead of dancing around it.

"No" is not an answer.

[searingwing]

[He thought he had answered. Diluc turns over what he had said and finds it sufficient. But it seems it isn’t.

And he looks at his hands. Is it fear? The thought of just going through, letting go and fighting with everything. Even the darker things. Makes him see his will being crushed in icy jaws and Yuri yelling at him to stop. Or he hears the rain.

He closes his eyes. As he realizes what it is. What it really is.] …It’s guilt.

[He says very slowly. It feels like he is pulling a chain out of the depths.] Every time I’ve truly let go. Terrible things happen.

[Yuri. Kaeya. The heap of lives from three years of searching for the truth. Sodder. Vision or no vision. That’s the real issue here. Why he imposes so many chains on himself in a fight.]

[torpour]

A heap of bodies at your feet, either by your own hand, or because of what you did-- or did not do.

[nehan, of course, understands. then he raises a single, thin finger, black nail gleaming dully in the natural light.]

Guilt can become fear, if you mire yourself in it. Becoming scared of your own power is an all-too real possibility for stronger warriors, and that makes them troublesome to deal with. I refuse to allow that to happen to you.

If you call yourself a protector, you cant afford to use only half your power.

[searingwing]

[The mask Diluc puts between himself and the world cracks right down the center. He raises his head, eyes widening slightly. Surprise is stamped on his face.

He hasn’t thought of that. There has only been his carefully calculated control. This much strength for this or that. Some part of him unable to unchain himself when there isn’t a kill to be made.

His lips move but nothing is said. He ducks his head for a moment then looks up, a little more open. He is listening, aware, and the shadow of the boy he used to be is there.] …you’re right. I can’t afford that.

[torpour]

If you want someone to live, don't just stand on the sidelines, nicely asking them if they would like to come back to safety, where you are, and ask the danger to just go away. [nehan stops his circuit around the human right where he started from, looking him right in the eye, but only half seeing him.

he's remembering how six forced him to live by beating him black and blue, attempting to save nehan from himself.]

You drag them back with your own two hands, if you truly want people to live.

[searingwing]

[There is a long moment of silence as Diluc visibly thinks that over. Pull them out with your own hands isn’t the issue.

Kaeya flashes across his mind’s eye.

It comforts me to know you have someone to help you…

He hadn’t thought about of others want to live or not. He just burned paths for them to survive. For a second he puts a hand over his face. Had his being alone-] I believe I know exactly what you’re saying. It clears up the motives of someone else in the process.

…you noticed it, I’ve been burning myself up in the process of everything. [He poses it as a question. But he knows he’s right. How long has he upset others with his head long self destruction.]

[torpour]

You may not show emotion on your face, but you lack subtlety. You're very, very easy to read, Diluc Ragnvindr.

[even now, he's giving so much for nehan to see, but he wont exploit those... not yet. he merely stands there, looking up at the human with his arms crossed.]

So, then, what are you going to do about it?

[searingwing]

[There’s a moment of silence as he looks down and visibly thinks it over. He has been burning himself up to save others.

Always controlling himself. Always standing on his own leash. Never giving more than he has to. And Kaeya pinning him with difficult situations hadn't just been about a game.

It has been forcing him to stay grounded. He pops his shoulder and says,] Learn and adapt. I can’t keep going like this. I wouldn’t treat a sword the way I treat myself.

[He has to forge all the fractured pieces of himself into something new. The twisted wreck he has used for a self since his father’s death isn’t going to work. Not any more. He shakes his head.] It starts with letting myself off my own leash.

[torpour]

A leash is only useful if there's someone else holding onto it. But it seems like there's no one like that for you. [not even his lover is that for him, he thinks. otherwise this conversation would have been entirely different. diluc wouldn't have been acting like this, acting as if all of these were revelations if this were not the first time he had these thoughts.

nehan sighs, and straightens as much as he can. not that his height is anything to write home about.]

If you desperately want one... I will make sure that you do not need it.

[searingwing]

[The ugly truth is his father used to be the one holding his leash. He forged an heir into a weapon, utterly loyal and full of faith and ambition to carry out what was once thought of as their dream.]

I want to learn to do without the leash. It hasn’t served a purpose other than hold me back for a long time.

[Since the death of his father. His father had loved him, that isn’t a lie. But he had made sure his heir would be caught in the ties and words he said. How long has the shadow of Master Crepus been sitting at the head of the family? He shakes his head once and straightens. A new determination lives in his eyes. He will dedicate himself to this new path.]