[Varian hates this. It's been so many years now since this happened, and yet every time this memory is dragged out into the light of day, he feels like his heart has been torn open. It's exhausting. He doesn't think he'll ever get over this feeling...but then, maybe he doesn't deserve it.

He listens to what Lance has to say- at first wanting to argue against it. He knew what he was doing back then, he knew it was wrong. Not fully formed or not, he still acted so, so badly. He doesn't want to have any blame pulled away from him. ]

I knew what I was doing at the time. Maybe I...acted like a stupid idiot, but it's not like I didn't know what I was doing was wrong.

[But then he stills as Lance tells him that he's proud of him. Proud of how far he's come. That's always going to be a massive weak spot for him- having people be proud of him. He sought it so desperately from his father growing up that even now, as much as he's grown up, that external validation still means so much to him. He swallows a lump in his throat. ]

Um- th-thank you. For that.