[Ryan shrugs and doesn't answer at first. But, he doesn't move away from Mako either. It's an uncomfortable memory to be in, but they both know that. There's little Ryan can say that will actually make it worse.]

...Probably not? I wasn't really thinking right at the time.

[He gestures vaguely at his past self, who is still fruitlessly trying to hitchhike at a time of day where almost no one is on the road because it's doing something instead of feeling the feelings that are pulling him down, threatening to drown him at rock bottom.]

Like. I needed him, but I couldn't just call him without something to show for myself. So instead I came up with this stupid, shitty plan because, y'know. Obviously things weren't bad enough already, so I had to just douse them in gasoline and throw a match on it.

[He's trying to laugh it off and be self-deprecating about the whole thing in an effort to downplay it, and to demonstrate that he's clearly not as bad off right now as he was then. Plus, it's a story he's already told Wu, so it feels a little easier to fess up to, even if Mako's getting more context than Ryan would have wanted to give.]