[Fish hearing means that the water doesn't distort Keith's voice when he's under there. There's a difference, but he can hear him clear as a bell where he curls up on the dark bottom beneath the docks. His head and memories are so muddled since the blood pollution shifted him into this state permanently. But for the first time in the couple months since it happened, he feels like he's touching upon something more human.
And it's terrifying.
He does the aquatic version of hyperventilating down there as he tries to get a grip. Of course he's known on some level that Keith felt that way, felt like he wasn't a good leader. Even when he left, he'd known it. But it didn't stop it from hurting… and it didn't change that he wasn't a good red paladin and he was the one who should've left. Things would've been better that way, they could have avoided so much pain.
And then there's the matter of the loss he feels, and he finds that he hates the way Keith says that last part enough that he swims back up. But he's under the docks now, not visible to Keith except if he looks through the slots between the boards. There's a blip of water shifting and a feral sound that comes from Lance's throat as he tries to swallow a hiss and fails.]
It wasn't better! And you're not a different Keith. You just forgot! Don't- don't say that!
[Because then the loss feels heavier. Like something closer to death, and he doesn't want to look at Keith and see him as an imposter. Some kind of alternate or a clone or… he's still his Keith, he feels it in his heart whenever he looks at him and that's part of why it hurts. He lets his mouth dip below the water so he can't say any more just yet, not trusting his voice. There's so much to be said about how Keith left and how Lance should've been the one to leave, but… given how much he's fighting through right now, that's something he doesn't have in him to examine and pick apart right now.]
no subject
And it's terrifying.
He does the aquatic version of hyperventilating down there as he tries to get a grip. Of course he's known on some level that Keith felt that way, felt like he wasn't a good leader. Even when he left, he'd known it. But it didn't stop it from hurting… and it didn't change that he wasn't a good red paladin and he was the one who should've left. Things would've been better that way, they could have avoided so much pain.
And then there's the matter of the loss he feels, and he finds that he hates the way Keith says that last part enough that he swims back up. But he's under the docks now, not visible to Keith except if he looks through the slots between the boards. There's a blip of water shifting and a feral sound that comes from Lance's throat as he tries to swallow a hiss and fails.]
It wasn't better! And you're not a different Keith. You just forgot! Don't- don't say that!
[Because then the loss feels heavier. Like something closer to death, and he doesn't want to look at Keith and see him as an imposter. Some kind of alternate or a clone or… he's still his Keith, he feels it in his heart whenever he looks at him and that's part of why it hurts. He lets his mouth dip below the water so he can't say any more just yet, not trusting his voice. There's so much to be said about how Keith left and how Lance should've been the one to leave, but… given how much he's fighting through right now, that's something he doesn't have in him to examine and pick apart right now.]