[For someone living the dream, at the top of his field in a career that people fought to the death over, L is surprised at how little his happiness has ever been a priority.
He's not even sure he knows what that means. The closest he can come to picturing it is being content, which implies a lack of ambition. Back home it would mean his goose was cooked.
Here, it means that Shōyō touches him with increasing affection and familiarity in casual moments, as if he's done it before, and every time it's clear that he knows him better.]
Thank you. I want that for you, too. You're happy, there, aren't you? You've always seemed to be a natural.
[It occurs to L that he's probably experiencing some of what makes that true under Shōyō's easy, comforting touch.
It occurs to him, also, that he's probably not special this way.]
no subject
He's not even sure he knows what that means. The closest he can come to picturing it is being content, which implies a lack of ambition. Back home it would mean his goose was cooked.
Here, it means that Shōyō touches him with increasing affection and familiarity in casual moments, as if he's done it before, and every time it's clear that he knows him better.]
Thank you. I want that for you, too. You're happy, there, aren't you? You've always seemed to be a natural.
[It occurs to L that he's probably experiencing some of what makes that true under Shōyō's easy, comforting touch.
It occurs to him, also, that he's probably not special this way.]