deercountry | home is where i want to be

Entry tags:

home is where i want to be

Who: Yuri, Flynn, and Blue
What: Familial bonding ceremony
When: February 16th
Where: Their home in Crenshaw
Content warnings: mentions of torture

By Elle

[ Setting up everything for the bonding ritual is strange. Yuri doesn't love the idea of siphoning his own blood for it, it brings up too many memories of being strapped to a table, blood taken against his will. At least this time the blood isn't freezing as soon as it hits the air. No, instead it sparkles into nothing, and he has to find a way to get it where he needs it to go.

With blood from him, Blue, and Flynn, both of whom's blood looks way more normal, and a lock of each of their hair, Yuri puts together them all together along with the ash and the roses in a small silver goblet he finds at the market. It takes a lot of his salary to traded for it, but it's worth it. It's all worth it. The desire for this, for this sense of belonging, this family, is so strong in him that he can't really hold it back (they chose him, they keep choosing him. They love him, in their own ways, and want to be with him, want to share this with him) (he wants to be better for them, he wants to give them what they need. He wants to stop holding back). The scent of roses rises from the goblet, and he's pretty sure that means he did it right.

The goblet is left outside in the frigid cold, and Yuri checks on it far too late at night, to make sure it's all working as intended. The blood in it glows, the odd milky white of paleblood, mixed with the shimmer of his own dark blood. It's strange, to see it all together, evidence that they aren't what they were anymore. They aren't quite who they were at home, that he and Flynn aren't quite who they were before January, their blood changed, their selves changed.

Flynn's noticed it, and he thinks Blue has, too. He's different, since he changed. Calmer. Less angry. He feels better, and this might just be the next step, the next thing he needs to do, to accept this odd life they've found themselves in. He had a family, sort of, back home. He had Hanks and Jiri, he had Ted and Miriam, he had Brave Vesperia, the people who took care of him, the people who chose him, but this feels different. This is people who don't need him, people who could find others to do what they need, who could seek that in the whole community of Sleepers, and they chose him (they did, they want you, really you). It feels like for once he isn't just filling in a gap, giving people what they need, offering up as much as he can in the hope that it'll be good enough. Now, yes, he's still giving, but it feels different. It feels wanted, it feels like Flynn and Blue might still choose him even if he has nothing left to give.

The evening of the ceremony, Yuri came back from the beach early to spend the afternoon with Blue and cook the three of them a big meal that they can enjoy before the ceremony. He's not really nervous. He's on edge, but more with anticipation than anything negative. He wants to do this, wants to finish it, wants to be on the same level as Blue and Flynn, sharing their emotions in the way that's so natural to Blue. Sharing emotions has never been something he's good at, but having Blue just understand him without him having to articulate it? That's changed a lot for him, has let him feel like the more he says, the more he shows of himself, that none of it is going to he the last straw, the thing that Blue can't handle. And Flynn-- Flynn knowing his emotions has been different, has been odd in its own way, but he's still here, he's still here and says and feels that he loves Yuri so intensely. He can't disbelieve that. There's no way to, not when it's bright and loud and present. He wants to be able to give that back, to communicate more effectively through this language that's so natural to Blue, that Flynn is starting to learn, slowly.

He keeps glancing toward the door, the place where he thinks would be best for this. It just has to be a threshold, but this little house means so much to him, to all of them, he thinks. That's where they're going to do it, standing together in the threshold of their little home, this little space they've claimed as their own, that they've shared so much in.

He offers Blue a hand up after they've finished dinner ]

You ready?

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Yeah, sure. It's no problem.

[ Flynn being overly grateful was sort of a bit they were doing, but now it seems sincere, and Yuri isn't quite in a place to tease him about it, too focused on what's about to happen. Instead, he just shoots them both a quick grin. ]

Kinda the final moments here. Soon I'm gonna know all your feelings.

[ Because, really, they can already feel his. But it's a last out, a last moment when either of them can say, no, thanks, we're good not being permanently bonded to you. No, thanks, we're good with our own empathetic bond and don't need you butting into it ]

[Blue gives Yuri's hand a reassuring squeeze before releasing it and taking hold of his arm for the assist he'll need to make their way out of the kitchen and on through the house to where the ingredients for this ceremony are waiting for them. he puts his other hand on Flynn's shoulder to ensure he's coming along, too.

as for that last out:] I won't regret it. [with a little smile:] I won't have to fluster you...by speaking to them aloud.

You may regret it, though.

[ Flynn says with a lightness he almost actually feels. He knows Yuri: the depth and the heaviness doesn't suit him, and sometimes it's easier to tease while they settle into something as permanent as this. If he's teasing, he's not having the kinds of serious second thoughts that might put Yuri on edge. ]

You'd better take this opportunity to feel all the feelings you don't want us knowing about. All the illicit ones, right now, before they're fair game.

[ Yuri shoots him a glare that has no heat it in ]

Like you can't already feel everything I'm feeling. I'm just trying to get on the same playing field.

[ But it does work, and he lightens up a little, then. Blue can probably hear his thoughts, trying to figure out what kind of illicit feelings he could even have. He's already in love with Flynn, that has to be the most illicit thing he has going for him. Other illicit feelings... jeez maybe that he can think really angry thoughts or something.

The only thing that comes to mind is the Farm, and he suppresses those memories immediately. He doesn't really want to feel that right now.

He rolls his eyes instead, helping Blue toward the door ]

I won't regret it. I suggested this, didn't I?

You did. [but that doesn't mean his mind is set in stone! minds rarely are for very long beyond core traits, after all.

Blue releases Yuri's arm and leans against the doorframe; the lion squeezes past the others to sit down at his side as a just-in-case buffer.

speaking of arms, a thought strikes:] You mentioned...we would be marking each other? On our arms, right?

[so he supposes he ought to roll up some sleeves here, huh.]

[ Flynn gives himself away by laughing quietly, privately amused at his own joke and more than that, at Yuri apparently actually trying to feel some illicit feelings. There are probably still some hidden away in dark corners, little things that they don't know about each other.

Instead of that being some awful failure, it feels like an opportunity.

Flynn reaches up carefully, squeezing Blue's shoulder. ]

They're permanent, aren't they?

Yeah, I think so.

[ Yuri just tugs on his belt and shrugs off his shirt, letting it fall to the ground. The mixture is by the door, guarded by Smokey who lets out a soft caw and takes off in the air as they approach. Yuri picks it up, giving them both a lopsided smile.

This feels momentous, but also so simple. It's not that complicated of a ritual, really, now that the mixture is made. He pushes open the door, shivering at the cold, but, hell. It won't take very long ]

Okay, so we put this stuff on our hands and hold onto each other's arms. Then we can say a few words, about why we're doing this. Then I guess we do it again so we're connected to each other.

[ He holds out the goblet, heart in his throat, but that smile is still there. He wants to do this. He really wants to. ]

[Blue finishes pulling his sleeves up to the elbow, pushing away from the doorframe to stand straight on flat feet.]

Then... [he'll reach into the goblet to soak a hand, skin prickling a bit with the alien feeling of the texture (it's not like he sticks his hand in blood-concoctions on the regular, after all).

while he's doing that:] I'm doing this...because it is your wish to know. To feel the same, understand what I perceive. [with a little nod:] What Flynn now perceives.

[he lets his hand hover over the goblet a bit so as to not drip on the floor or their feet before looking to Yuri and flicking a glance to his bare arm, waiting for the chance to gingerly curl his fingers around his wrist.]

To banish away those...false images of each other, the ones we paint in our minds.

[he hesitates, looking to Flynn, which is gap enough for him to get in on this before Blue marks him, too.]

[ False images of each other indeed.

Flynn has been haunted by those images, trying his best to banish them and failing again and again. He rolls up his sleeves with a quiet gravity befitting a much more serious situation, holding first Yuri's gaze and then Blue's. There is a smile on his face, small and true.

There are a hundred reasons he's doing this, small careful things he has been thinking about for days now, but the one that escapes into the cool night air, as smoke pours from him all at once to let Daisy stand beside them, is: ]

I'm doing this to know you both.

Really know you, I mean. In... the way that can be scary.

[ Their words settle, warm and challenging in his gut. This was his idea, but it affects all of them. It's to bring all of them closer together.

He offers Blue his wrist, and then takes Flynn's in his own blood-and-ash coated hand, gripping tight. ]

I want all those things. I'm doing this because Blue, you show me how your people communicate every day, and I know you miss them, miss sharing that. If we can give you a little taste of that, here in our home, I want to do that.

[ But that isn't all there is to it. That was his first thought, but the truth is deeper than that. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to say it (if you say it now they can still back out) ]

I also want that, to know you both. To, to share that with both of you. I trust you, Blue, and you, Flynn. You're my family, and I want us to share something like this, something that can't be broken by the death here, by corruption, by one of us going back to the sea. You both, you mean a lot to me.

[ He's never felt this, this type of acceptance from others, and he wants to let himself really accept that, accept that they care about him, that they aren't going to leave at the drop of a hat. Maybe this is an extreme way to do it, but here he is: with his hand around Blue's wrist, offering his to Flynn, ready to seal the deal ]

[before the goblet has to be set down, Blue dips his other hand in and reaches for Flynn's other wrist, completing the circle of the three as Yuri speaks his piece. his chest aches with the gentle joy of such a sincere kindness being done him coupled with the wish to do likewise in return, to keep that particular circle unbroken even after their hold on each other's arms inevitably parts.

the Mu is familiar with the feeling of the emotional and mental bonds forged between people, especially with himself and others; up until Flynn's blood shifted to pale, he's only had one-sided pathways between them - where the information flowed into him alone, and anything he felt in exchange was left unknown. now the bond feels truer, more natural and familiar to his senses... but even this, these new tethers, they are unique to him. yet despite their newness, Blue doesn't find himself afraid.

the gentle warmth and yearning gradually will pass from himself and to each of the men he holds onto, and in return he takes in their own notions good and bad. when Yuri speaks you mean a lot to me, there is a rippling, a reverberation of that sentiment which passes through him after being so graciously accepted; he doesn't need to vocalize a thing to make it clear the sentiment is shared.

even so:]

No matter what happens... [unbroken by death, corruption, the sea.] The two of you...will not leave my heart. And I wish...to remain in yours.

[the sentiment sates anxious blood, soothes that crooked thought with its crooked shadow, the one still lingering in him. there's real peace in this moment.]

[ It's strange, knowing that his fingers are coated with their blood. It's strange feeling the grit against his skin, the cold of it, and it's stranger still wrapping his hand around Yuri's right wrist.

Strangest of all knowing that all of the swirling feeling in Flynn as he wraps his right hand around Blue's wrist in turn will be evident to them both. There is a small moment of fear, a curl of worry. With this bond in place, Flynn won't be able to keep his anger banked inside himself, entirely unseen. They'll both know the intensity of his emotions, they'll both be burdened with that, and it could very well change the way they think about him. How can he be steady, reliable Flynn, ready to take on the world, if they know that he is so afraid and so angry and so full of worry?

But, he tells himself as Yuri speaks, his voice familiar and soothing, Yuri trusts this. Careful, private Yuri, who buries his feelings under an armor of lightness, who pretends not to be affected by anything at all, is cracking himself open to the two of them, laying himself bare. The least Flynn can do in the face of that is offer himself up in return, anger and flaws and all. He can bare the cracked parts and let this soothing connection flow in and fill them up.

He doesn't really mean to be so emotional about it, but his breath hitches as the bond settles, and he tightens his hands around both of their wrists. Yuri can pull out such lovely words when he really wants to, say the thing that everyone needs to hear, inspire people to action in his quiet steady way, and Blue's own words are soft and gentle and lovely. Flynn feels like a rough rock in comparison, like he's going to blunder into this fragile thing and crush it. He swallows around that wave of nerves and says, quiet and small, ]

I love you both. I hope you know that.

[ All of this is getting a little too real for Yuri. He still isn't scared, but his discomfort with these words is obvious. But, he's here to do this. He's here to share this, so they don't have to use words as much anymore.

He grips Flynn's wrist, finishing the circle, each of their hands around his wrists, his around theirs, and closing his eyes. He probably doesn't need to, but it feels right. ]

Yeah, I... [ love you too. He doesn't finish the sentence, because a moment later, the world is a little more full. Where a moment ago, there were only his own emotions: anticipation, a low hum of contentment, a dash of fear. Now he can feel more. He can feel the warmth and joy and yearning from Blue. He can feel a fear matching his own from Flynn, a fear of being known, something he's too familiar with. But he feels it, like it's his own, but it isn't. He sucks in a breath, opening his eyes to stare at both of them, first at Blue, then at Flynn.

It's so strange. So strange, so different, like the feelings Flynn couldn't keep back when they lay together in their bed, but now it's different. It isn't like they're being shown to him, but like they're just a part of him, like the press of gentle hands on his heart. ]

I think it worked.

[ His voice is a hoarse croak when he says it, rough with emotion that's all a bit too much. It's too much, and he isn't practiced at pushing down three people's worth of feelings, only one. That isn't something he considered. He didn't consider that their feelings could get to him. That the joy coming from Blue might choke him up a bit, that the feeling of inadequacy from Flynn would make him want to hit something, but here it is. He feels full up, like maybe a part of him hadn't really felt before, but now it does. Now it feels, and it feels so much and he can't stop looking between the pair of them ]

You feel like this all the time?!

[Yuri's subject to the swell of affection at hearing Flynn's words, but it ebbs like the ocean's tide when that sense of being overwhelmed hits. in response, Blue's emotions seem to dampen - a practiced, effortless reflex someone with 300 years of experience has the privilege of even doing.

instead of that heavy, warm press of joy and affection, Yuri is left with something of a lighter patience and consideration - like swapping out a heavy quilt for a light sheet. thankfully, Flynn coming into his own powers has prepared him for understanding this reaction...and even before that, Jomy and the other Mu children throughout his life have likewise had to learn to adjust to the influx of others' feelings coming into their own.]

You have to understand... That you've opened up another sense. Like a blind man...gaining sight. It will feel like too much at the start...but that will change. In time.

[he nods and gives Flynn a look.]

You have a peer right here...who can attest to that.

[ Flynn laughs, light and soft, feeling more than a little exposed, but good for it: like exposing something pale and soft to sunlight after a long while in the dark. He squeezes both of their wrists, firm and reassuring, and nods. ]

It really is like another sense. I'm not nearly as practiced as you are [ to Blue ] but I have certainly gotten better, and Blue is a wonderful instructor.

We may feel very, um. Loud. For the next few days.

Yeah, tell me about it.

[ Yuri mutters. Maybe he should have talked more to them about it, but he didn't want to talk himself out of it. That little voice in his head was so sure he should do this, so convinced of it, that he didn't question it. He followed through on the impulse, and now he's here.

He doesn't regret it, and looks down at their hands, still wrapped together in a circle, hands on wrists ]

But we have a good teacher. I'll figure it out. [ But it is a lot right now, and Yuri closes his eyes (feel it, let them in, let them know you).

He can feel them, feel their feelings, and he lets out a breath. He can do this.

Slowly, he lets go of their wrists, leaving hand prints in his wake ]

[Blue's hold slacks and frees them both, and he retracts his hands to himself to turn and inspect his wrists and the quality of each mark. Flynn's more broad, all-encompassing palm...Yuri's more slender, deft fingers... as impressed upon his skin as their presence ever is in his heart; his eyes well up again just from the thought.

he does a lot to accommodate those around him unused to his power, to keep things at their level...now these two have instead decided to meet him at his. it's very humbling.

at his side, the lion chuffs, shaking his mane and getting to his feet, prompting Blue out of his happy little spell.]

That's right...we left a mess in the dining room. I want to help clean up. [it's also chilly standing partly outside with the door open; better to close up and keep all this goodness safely inside and warm.]

[ Odd, that releasing their wrists doesn't lessen the feeling any. Flynn is used to a sort of dampening, his powers based largely on touch and proximity, but their feelings ring loud and clear as if he were wrapped around them both (which wouldn't be so bad, really).

Flynn offers them both a smile and hurries to go hold the door open for Blue. ]

You're certainly welcome to help clean up, but I do enjoy it. I don't mind doing the cleaning. We... have a rather functional little household, don't we?

[ They're acting so normal, but Yuri supposes that this isn't that different for them. They're acting so normal, like they didn't just seal a bond that will be with them, well, maybe forever.

But he can feel that undercurrent of emotion now. Really, it's more like an overcurrent, loud in his mind, in his heart, and he just sort of... stands there, still shirtless, still freezing, as the two of them make their way back into the house.

He feels so full, so full of emotions, even with Blue banking his. It's a lot, it's a lot, but it makes him feel good, it makes him feel like he isn't alone in the world. Sometimes, he can be standing in a crowded room and feel completely alone, but here, he has two people he loves sharing something so intimate with him. This would normally scare him, and he wonders vaguely why he isn't scared. Instead of being scared, he's excited, a little overwhelmed, and more than a little stunned by their generosity, by their trust, that they wanted to share this with him, really share it. He knows that Blue misses sharing this sort of thing with his people, but even so, that didn't mean he had to choose to share it with Yuri of all people. And Flynn, Yuri isn't sure when he'll stop being surprised by Flynn. His generosity, his patience for Yuri, it stuns him every time. That he would extend that to him, it's more than Yuri believes he deserves.

(They love you, they trust you. Trust them, trust their hearts)

And the funny thing is, he does. ]

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