[the immediate relief that comes over her when there's just. a glimmer of hope that this won't be where it ends is so intense that it almost knocks anna over. she needs to take a seat, so she does, at the edge of her bed with the sheets rumpled and thrown to one side from only a moment ago. it takes her a second to think of how to answer.]

[she considers the way she could shout about how she knows that rose is gone. how there's no way the two of them will ever get back together and how there hasn't been a way for that in years. how terrifyingly lonely it's been for anna to exist here, how it's the first time she's been without rose (or anyone she knows) in over a decade of her life. but she also thinks about how little that actually matters in the face of things. kainé isn't rose, and by comparing the two, by bringing rose up every chance she gets, it's only going to make things worse. that's the only thing it can ever do.]

[so she doesn't bring up rose. not for now, at least. she needs to talk to kainé as who they both are first.]

And it's been good being around you. I've lived here for... five months now and it's only in the last few weeks that it feels like I'm finally getting comfortable here. And I think that's because of you. I have someone to come home to now. I have to get out of bed and get dressed and be a person every day. I can't... stay up all night crying and drinking alone anymore, you know?

[she's putting a lot on her roommate's shoulders and she knows it, and that's part of the problem here, too. she tilts her head up and tries to fix kainé with some kind of grateful look, but it's been so long since she's done it properly, done it like this, that she's not sure if her face can totally get there.]

It doesn't matter who I see in you. I need to treat you like Kainé. And I swear to god I've been trying to, but I just... need to try harder. And I'm sorry that I've been putting so many expectations on you that you were never going to be able to live up to.