"John Constantine." Which made complete sense given how close he was with Willow. Of course he'd want to take revenge. Frankly, Maul isn't all that upset with losing his legs to the bastard because he knows that he deserves it this time. He can justify a lot to himself but Willow's death? That's something else entirely.
Much as Varian let him talk, Maul does the same when his young friend rightfully starts to chew him out. He knows he's done terrible things but to have them all laid out for him in a row really drives home the point to Maul that he's fucked things up good this time.
Maul twitches a little when Varian mentions Reaper, his left leg involuntarily moving a bit as Varian works on it. He's going to have a word with his mate eventually on talking about their love life with children, even if Reaper does live with them. "I didn't know my love life was any of your concern," He says with a snap but then he immediately looks contrite. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for." He takes a deep breath. "Reaper has his own point-of-view on what happened. And so do I. But I will tell you this much. I may have feelings for someone else that were practically coerced out of me but I don't want to be with them. And Obi-Wan has made it abundantly clear he does not want me that way and never will. I was telling Reaper that so he didn't find it out from someone else because I knew that would hurt him even more. He didn't even let me try to explain because I did want him to understand, not to keep secrets from him. He just lashed out the way he always does, pushing me away because he thought I was going to leave him the way everyone in his entire life has when I had no intention of running to Obi-Wan. I'm perfectly happy with him. There wasn't a good solution to this mess but I did the best I could. We both could have handled the fights we got into better but...." He sighs. Maul knows he messed things up very badly with his mate there. He can stand losing a lot of people in his life but losing Reaper? That might be just enough to finally get through to him. "....I still love him with both of my hearts even if he's being a stubborn idiot. That's never changed. I suppose I owe him yet another apology now." Not that he's sure Reaper will accept it but Maul will risk a shotgun to the face if it'll work. But that will come later. For now, they both need space from one another.
But the mention of Usagi makes Maul's face crumple with pain. "I...I didn't know. She's never told me that part of her past." But he knew that was a feeble excuse. "I've treated her so badly and I haven't even bothered to apologize yet." His current thought was to visit Usagi after Varian was done here. He needs to talk to the one person who has always been unerringly on his side and who still will be with him despite all that he's done.
Maul looks down at his hands, not meeting Varian's eyes. He seems to shrink a little inwards, withdraw as he lets those words wash over him, and his voice was soft as Varian skillfully continued fixing him. There was no fight left in him. "You're right. As you usually are. I'm selfish, self-centered, and full of hate. My entire life, I've just taken what I wanted and not cared about the effect I was having on the people around me. Because no one ever cared about me except for my family, so I saw no reason to care about others. They were just tools to be used the same way I was used my entire life. Not until I came here. People actually took the time to get to know me, to want to help me, to care about me. And instead of doing what I should and showing my best self, I just continually fall back into my old ways, spitting in the faces of everyone who has thought I could do better. People tell me there's good in me, and I suppose there is, but I just let it be overridden by my worst self all the time."
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Much as Varian let him talk, Maul does the same when his young friend rightfully starts to chew him out. He knows he's done terrible things but to have them all laid out for him in a row really drives home the point to Maul that he's fucked things up good this time.
Maul twitches a little when Varian mentions Reaper, his left leg involuntarily moving a bit as Varian works on it. He's going to have a word with his mate eventually on talking about their love life with children, even if Reaper does live with them. "I didn't know my love life was any of your concern," He says with a snap but then he immediately looks contrite. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for." He takes a deep breath. "Reaper has his own point-of-view on what happened. And so do I. But I will tell you this much. I may have feelings for someone else that were practically coerced out of me but I don't want to be with them. And Obi-Wan has made it abundantly clear he does not want me that way and never will. I was telling Reaper that so he didn't find it out from someone else because I knew that would hurt him even more. He didn't even let me try to explain because I did want him to understand, not to keep secrets from him. He just lashed out the way he always does, pushing me away because he thought I was going to leave him the way everyone in his entire life has when I had no intention of running to Obi-Wan. I'm perfectly happy with him. There wasn't a good solution to this mess but I did the best I could. We both could have handled the fights we got into better but...." He sighs. Maul knows he messed things up very badly with his mate there. He can stand losing a lot of people in his life but losing Reaper? That might be just enough to finally get through to him. "....I still love him with both of my hearts even if he's being a stubborn idiot. That's never changed. I suppose I owe him yet another apology now." Not that he's sure Reaper will accept it but Maul will risk a shotgun to the face if it'll work. But that will come later. For now, they both need space from one another.
But the mention of Usagi makes Maul's face crumple with pain. "I...I didn't know. She's never told me that part of her past." But he knew that was a feeble excuse. "I've treated her so badly and I haven't even bothered to apologize yet." His current thought was to visit Usagi after Varian was done here. He needs to talk to the one person who has always been unerringly on his side and who still will be with him despite all that he's done.
Maul looks down at his hands, not meeting Varian's eyes. He seems to shrink a little inwards, withdraw as he lets those words wash over him, and his voice was soft as Varian skillfully continued fixing him. There was no fight left in him. "You're right. As you usually are. I'm selfish, self-centered, and full of hate. My entire life, I've just taken what I wanted and not cared about the effect I was having on the people around me. Because no one ever cared about me except for my family, so I saw no reason to care about others. They were just tools to be used the same way I was used my entire life. Not until I came here. People actually took the time to get to know me, to want to help me, to care about me. And instead of doing what I should and showing my best self, I just continually fall back into my old ways, spitting in the faces of everyone who has thought I could do better. People tell me there's good in me, and I suppose there is, but I just let it be overridden by my worst self all the time."