deercountry | Catch-all for Maul; Love is not the opposite of hate.

Alright, so that network post could have gone over worse he supposed. At least he didn't have anyone still calling for his head. But the conversation with Obi-Wan had gotten Maul good and riled up, especially in wake of how his complicated relationship with the man had been affecting the long-term romance he'd been in with Reaper.

The Jedi had cut through to Maul to his very core and left him feeling raw, hurt, and with a whole lot of anger that he needed to get out. Since keeping a low profile seemed like the best for the moment, Maul found himself pacing around his house until he felt like he needed to do something or go crazy. So he went into one of the half-finished rooms, and just started screaming. Which is where Luke would find him, looking like a complete nutcase of a Zabrak, screaming "KEEENNNOOOOBIIIII!!!!!" at the top of his lungs.

Luke was happily approaching Maul and Savage's house, having seen the former's recent communication on the omni and wanting to talk to him in person about it. He had just reached the door when the sudden scream of Obi-Wan's last name ripped out of the house, and it was so loud and full of such rage that Luke had to take a step back, staring at the door like it was going to break apart and jump out at him.

He stood there, staring at the door like something was going to happen next that would send him running, before he finally let out an annoyed sigh.

"Really?" he murmured. "Can we just have one day where people aren't yelling at each other...?"

With a shake of his head, he entered the house, treading the halls as he followed the feeling of Maul's presence to one of the half finished rooms. He knocked carefully against the door frame, nudging at him gently with the Force, as if to say, "Hi, I'm here, please don't jump at me."

Maul had trashed most of the work done in the room, which he was definitely going to regret tomorrow when he had to redo it all, but this was better than going off and challenging Obi-Wan to another duel. He was still full of rage when he could feel the presence of Luke outside the door.

He didn't respond for a few moments. When he did, he only said two words in a laconic, gruff tone. "Go. Away," He growled out, voice still louder than his normal whisper-soft voice but nowhere near the earsplitting level it had just been at.

Instead of doing the smart thing and listen to Maul — because what Skywalker has ever done the smart thing in the face of clear and obvious danger, really? — Luke stood his ground, folding his arms over his chest. He raised an eyebrow, fixing Maul with a calm and unbothered look, despite the fact it was clear the other man could and would absolutely lose it the moment he said something wrong.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to be alone right now?” he finally replied, his tone as calm as the expression on his face.

It was mostly do to the fact that Maul had no reason to be mad with Luke that kept him from immediately turning on the young Jedi and trying to hurt him. Any other Jedi in the city probably would have ended up with Maul lashing out at them and picking a fight to get his aggression out. As it stood right now, he was just still so angry that he didn't want to have to deal with anyone..

"You wouldn't understand," Maul growled out. There was debris all over the room and the way Maul was cradling his left hand, a torn glove still partially on it, made it clear he'd been doing something destructive with it like punching a way over and over again. "Get out of here," he snarled.

Luke’s eyes flicked to the injured hand, the faintest of frowns coming to his face. Instead of listening, yet again, he let his arms drop, folding his arms before him and making his posture as open and welcoming as possible.

“Try me,” he replied simply, inviting Maul to let himself loose through words and hoping he would do so.

"I doubt you've ever hated anyone as much as I hate Kenobi," Maul growled, still full of anger and upset to an unhealthy degree.

With a huff, Maul turned and moodily kicked a hole into one of the walls nearby. "I had no idea it was possible to both hate someone and love them at the same time until this moment." He said that without any sort of irony. Maul truly had lived in a life of absolutes for so long that being able to feel two emotions at once towards Obi-Wan was more upsetting than anything else to him right now.

Luke raised an eyebrow at that, admittedly not expecting that little confession, but his expression softened almost immediately. It was a moment before he finally stepped closer, his presence still calm in the face of Maul’s anger, leaning against the wall he just kicked, completely unperturbed by the hole in it.

“Well, you’re correct in that I probably can’t hate the same way you do,” he admitted. “I don’t think I have it in me.”

He fell quiet a moment, fixing him with an expression not just full of understanding, but pain that he usually kept well under wraps.

“Hating and loving someone at the same time, though… that’s a feeling I’m very familiar with.”

Maul didn't look surprised when Luke said he couldn't hate in the same way Maul did. That didn't surprise him at all. The Jedi was far too good of a person for that, one of the best Maul had ever known. "Trust me, you should never want to hate as much as I have done in my life. It requires far too much energy and the blackest of emotions." He wouldn't have admitted that to just anyone but Luke had caught him in a vulnerable moment.

Maul faced the wall, his hands raised above his horns and his head resting against his closed fists. His voice rose in volume. "I want him miserable, I want him dead! To be in as much pain as he causes me!" Which he still did even to the present day, whether he meant to or not. Maul was shackled by his feelings for the Jedi and couldn't move on from them no matter what he did. Then, ever having his moods swings as he often did, his voice became quieter. "But that's not all I want from him anymore. I want him...." He almost left it there but that seemed a bit personal, so he added on. ".....I want him to feel affection for me, to adore me as much as I adore him. And he never will, not ever."

Maul knew he had no one to blame for this misery but himself. That was what made it more frustrating than anything else.

Luke fell silent himself, bowing his head slightly. It was only a year ago, but Maul’s feelings here… it echoed how he felt about the revelations at Bespin, how he had begged Ben to explain why he hadn’t told him the truth, only to be met with silence. It had hurt, to “know” the man he had looked up to and felt connected to hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him the truth. It took a long time for him to accept that wasn’t the case, and even know he questioned it in the quiet moments, when the words I am your father echoed in the back of his mind and the memory of wind rushing past him shuddered past his eardrums.

A moment passed, before Luke reached out, resting a gentle hand on his arm.

“Forgiveness is hard, even for a Jedi,” he said quietly. “We are, after all, still sentient beings, morality-based beliefs or no. I won’t pretend to know or understand the history the two of you have, and it’s not my business to know. Just… know that you’re doing the right thing, no matter what people say. And know that it’s being noticed, even by Obi-Wan.”

Maul began to calm back down again. Luke had a good effect on him. The young Jedi’s patience and even-keeled nature helped balance out Maul’s fiery passion and the anger that never seemed to abate no matter what he did. He listened to what Luke had to say, nodding a little as he explained it in terms Maul could understand. The physical contact helped to ground him.

“It doesn’t always feel that way,” Maul said, his soft-spoken voice no longer snarling and angry. Now he just sounded hurt, tired, and a little disappointed. He didn’t feel that with what Obi-Wan had just told him and not with how people were currently treating him that anyone noticed at all what he was doing.

Luke paused a moment, his expression soft and full of sympathy that he felt for them both. He hesitated, before he went over to him, wrapping his arms around Maul and holding him tight. There wasn't really anything he could say that would help right now, so he hoped the physical affection would be enough.

Maul flinched for a brief moment as Luke's arms encircled him and he remained stiff. He couldn't help it, there was still that part of himself that instinctively associated physical touch with punishment. But Luke, like Usagi had already known for a long time, knew that hugging Maul was one of the most therapeutic things that could be done for him. Where words just bounced off of him, hugging him showed that his loved ones cared deeply about him.

Eventually, the tension left Maul's body, and he relaxed into the hold Luke had on him. Slowly and hesitantly, his own arms came up and he hugged Luke back tightly.

Catch-all for Maul; Love is not the opposite of hate.

Awkward Yelling Time - Closed to Luke - March 3rd

I swear to god I had replied to this already.

Sounds like it's just been one of those days

It’s just 2022 decided, “You know what? Fuck this person in particular.”

It's just one of those years....

For real.

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