"No," he says, voices still collapsed to singularity under pressure, and he doesn't know what he says it to - the devastated bared heart of God, scoured by Paul's hideous light and pierced at his bloody hand, or the gentle touch that brushes across his back, the soft warmth of the words pressed into his dark, tangled hair.

The tooth clings to the wound like a burrowed tick, Paul's first effort to pull it free sliding through the clean edges of the lacerations already splitting his hand. His shoulders hitch soundlessly, crumple, and he does something irretrievable to the flexor tendons of his outer two fingers when he tightens his grip and tears the hungry thing loose. He tosses it aside with a near-keen lost in the whispering tumble of metal to sand as the shrapnel falls away like the droplet arc of shining Paleblood from his silver-slicked hand.

"No," worse the second time, hollowed and crushed with futile despair at what he's done, the consequences of his actions always so much worse than he intends. His self-maimed fingers writhe with lightning-flash plasma as they hover inches from that stilled wreck of a heart, and for this he should be a pillar of salt, for this he should be struck blind. Shame pours from the crown of his head in chill, fission-drowning sheets, for this violation, for all the ones that came before it.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, as if the hand that rises from the open cavity of God's chest to fumble at his far shoulder isn't gushing guilt, as if the face that hides itself against the crook of God's neck never stared down at him in contempt, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry -"

Brilliance untwists from the air into nothingness as heat rises up the back of his throat and clots there, the unswallowable accretion of everything - of all of it -

"Yes," he breathes, tear-strangled, a sob swollen past wrenching out of his chest, "I'm sorry, yes, please."