[Even if Paul's words hadn't made every nerve in Sayo's body lock up, she would've stopped when she saw that look in Kaworu's face. The pleading, the need in his voice-
It reminds her of that night where she plead with her reflection, shattered across the floor, for Battler to come back.
The brutal, sadistic glee that had burst forth from her wellspring of pain washes out to sea when the tide of blood recedes, and it leaves behind only the dull ache it had been trying to bury. Sayo's unhinged grin falls from her face and she staggers as if she had been the one struck in the chest as her frenzied strength leaves her, and she clutches her arm (as if reaching for someone who isn't there, the one person who could understand the depths of her pain because he was her), looking away from Kaworu.]
I...
[Her throat closes up. What can she say? Paul's right. It's her fault that Forneus was still in the twisted realm of all his worst fears made manifest. Her fault that the ritual had failed. Her fault for being the one who was too late this time.]
He's in his worst nightmare, Kaworu. I'm sorry. Every possible thing he feared that his home would become came true in that abyss, and...
It was my soul- no, part of my soul that was stuck there. Only the parts that could fit the mold of the Golden Witch. So... why not play to part? Enact the ritual. Gather the power. Let the twisted gameboard self-destruct when midnight rang out, letting us go free.
It didn't work. Of course it didn't work. Shabby Sayo Yasuda is pyrite at best, never true gold. And besides that, we didn't have the power to see it through.
Except... He used the magic of Beatrice against me. Forneus usurped what little we had cultivated in my failure of a ritual to send me back to the realm above. It's easier to send a fractured soul across the barrier between realms than a whole person, after all. He- he saved me, and I...
[Tears fall from Sayo's eyes, mixing with the blood.]
And I hate him for it. We could've found some miracle, a way to keep going or try again, or, or-
But that stupid, stupid bird left himself behind to rot and gave a villain like me the light so that I could ruin the lives of my best friend and the victim of my own mistakes. And no matter how hard I think, I can't... I can't do anything to save him.
I know he wanted me to look after you, and yet, [Sayo chokes on her own laughter,] here I am, kneeing in your ribs. What a horrid, spiteful creature.
[She's silent for a few moments more. Then, still refusing to look Kaworu in the eyes, she says,] ...and don't...
Don't say that.
Don't say you don't care.
I convinced myself of the same thing, when I lost everything. But that wasn't- it wasn't true. There's always something to care about, no matter how much you wish it otherwise.
And there's... always someone to care about you. Despite everything.
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It reminds her of that night where she plead with her reflection, shattered across the floor, for Battler to come back.
The brutal, sadistic glee that had burst forth from her wellspring of pain washes out to sea when the tide of blood recedes, and it leaves behind only the dull ache it had been trying to bury. Sayo's unhinged grin falls from her face and she staggers as if she had been the one struck in the chest as her frenzied strength leaves her, and she clutches her arm (as if reaching for someone who isn't there, the one person who could understand the depths of her pain because he was her), looking away from Kaworu.]
I...
[Her throat closes up. What can she say? Paul's right. It's her fault that Forneus was still in the twisted realm of all his worst fears made manifest. Her fault that the ritual had failed. Her fault for being the one who was too late this time.]
He's in his worst nightmare, Kaworu. I'm sorry. Every possible thing he feared that his home would become came true in that abyss, and...
It was my soul- no, part of my soul that was stuck there. Only the parts that could fit the mold of the Golden Witch. So... why not play to part? Enact the ritual. Gather the power. Let the twisted gameboard self-destruct when midnight rang out, letting us go free.
It didn't work. Of course it didn't work. Shabby Sayo Yasuda is pyrite at best, never true gold. And besides that, we didn't have the power to see it through.
Except... He used the magic of Beatrice against me. Forneus usurped what little we had cultivated in my failure of a ritual to send me back to the realm above. It's easier to send a fractured soul across the barrier between realms than a whole person, after all. He- he saved me, and I...
[Tears fall from Sayo's eyes, mixing with the blood.]
And I hate him for it. We could've found some miracle, a way to keep going or try again, or, or-
But that stupid, stupid bird left himself behind to rot and gave a villain like me the light so that I could ruin the lives of my best friend and the victim of my own mistakes. And no matter how hard I think, I can't... I can't do anything to save him.
I know he wanted me to look after you, and yet, [Sayo chokes on her own laughter,] here I am, kneeing in your ribs. What a horrid, spiteful creature.
[She's silent for a few moments more. Then, still refusing to look Kaworu in the eyes, she says,] ...and don't...
Don't say that.
Don't say you don't care.
I convinced myself of the same thing, when I lost everything. But that wasn't- it wasn't true. There's always something to care about, no matter how much you wish it otherwise.
And there's... always someone to care about you. Despite everything.