[she's lucid enough to have these thoughts, torturous though they are, and still just buzzed enough to be okay with sharing. she's just not sure if it's going to be useful, if digging up her own trauma in an attempt to be relatable will ingratiate her with sayo or if it'll just drive her away. she just knows that right now, she wants to be friends with her. it feels like the best outcome after being, in anna's eyes, the reason that sayo's in what must be some kind of pain.]
I still think I could've stopped whenever I wanted and gotten my life back together on my own. I just didn't want to. I thought that it was easier to go through life like... well, like how you're gonna feel once this stuff finishes kicking in. Instead of facing reality and owning up to my own mistakes. Left the door wide open for myself and just didn't want to walk through it.
no subject
[she's lucid enough to have these thoughts, torturous though they are, and still just buzzed enough to be okay with sharing. she's just not sure if it's going to be useful, if digging up her own trauma in an attempt to be relatable will ingratiate her with sayo or if it'll just drive her away. she just knows that right now, she wants to be friends with her. it feels like the best outcome after being, in anna's eyes, the reason that sayo's in what must be some kind of pain.]
I still think I could've stopped whenever I wanted and gotten my life back together on my own. I just didn't want to. I thought that it was easier to go through life like... well, like how you're gonna feel once this stuff finishes kicking in. Instead of facing reality and owning up to my own mistakes. Left the door wide open for myself and just didn't want to walk through it.