Hm, that is true. It is a trait I admire about you. [viktor says honestly, no real intention to flatter just... he does. it is an admirable trait that should be commended, in his mind.] But it is a maddening thing, no doubt. Sometimes I feel the deeper you look here the more twisted the road goes. Too many worlds and realities with too many sets of rules suddenly thrust together, many of them retaining echoes of those rules as far as they will fit.
[maybe that is why everything is so unstable. but yes, in a way it breaks his heart to imagine the time after camilla left and pal stuck without even the small comfort understanding what it all really meant. just there and gone, human formed than a squid in the ocean- than a squid himself. why any of it, why called here, what purpose.
it really is a maddening road to go down, one he lets drift to snort softly at the knee bumping his thigh.]
I am very much so, or at least passive. It was my greatest sin back home, playing by their rules and hoping I'd one day be let off my leash. ... ha, waiting for permission to change the world.
[at least that is a lesson he's trying to learn well, though he's aware the next extreme of being too active and meddling where he should not is a distinct possibility. he'd rather lean towards that than being passive again, ever again. just as back home all he needs is time.
of course pal is spreading his arms like that and viktor... well, he's too tired to start wondering if he's somehow an evil creature for hugging someone he's very much developing feelings for without their knowing. meaning he can be perfectly platonic about this, he can, only that beat of hesitation before he shifts so he can wrap around pal.
well. maybe purely platonic is impossible, but it can just be a rush of gratitude as he holds him, a rattling sigh like the last of the ice dissipating with it.
he's going to need to tell him, to say something, maybe when they have both had time to rest and emotions aren't running so high. he can't keep being passive in his own life, in his work, he promised himself that and it pertains to here too. the worst that could happen is hurting, and they all already hurt plenty, for far worse reasons.]
no subject
[maybe that is why everything is so unstable. but yes, in a way it breaks his heart to imagine the time after camilla left and pal stuck without even the small comfort understanding what it all really meant. just there and gone, human formed than a squid in the ocean- than a squid himself. why any of it, why called here, what purpose.
it really is a maddening road to go down, one he lets drift to snort softly at the knee bumping his thigh.]
I am very much so, or at least passive. It was my greatest sin back home, playing by their rules and hoping I'd one day be let off my leash. ... ha, waiting for permission to change the world.
[at least that is a lesson he's trying to learn well, though he's aware the next extreme of being too active and meddling where he should not is a distinct possibility. he'd rather lean towards that than being passive again, ever again. just as back home all he needs is time.
of course pal is spreading his arms like that and viktor... well, he's too tired to start wondering if he's somehow an evil creature for hugging someone he's very much developing feelings for without their knowing. meaning he can be perfectly platonic about this, he can, only that beat of hesitation before he shifts so he can wrap around pal.
well. maybe purely platonic is impossible, but it can just be a rush of gratitude as he holds him, a rattling sigh like the last of the ice dissipating with it.
he's going to need to tell him, to say something, maybe when they have both had time to rest and emotions aren't running so high. he can't keep being passive in his own life, in his work, he promised himself that and it pertains to here too. the worst that could happen is hurting, and they all already hurt plenty, for far worse reasons.]