[Oh, boy. What a loaded question. Ryan isn't sure how to answer that one.]
Well-- maybe not literally everything.
[He plays with the hair by his ear, tucking it back. Stalling.
Meanwhile, the space around them flickers. Min-Gi wants to know, and so it responds accordingly.]
But...sometimes it's a lot? Or like, I dunno. Like there's so much going on that you can't just point at one thing and go "Oh, that's totally the thing making me lose my fucking mind".
[Around them, scenes start to play at rapid speed, as if someone hit fast forward on the VCR. Some moments are so small that they go by with barely a blip before the next scene appears.]
Sometimes it'll be something stupid that everyone else is handling better than you.
[Standing in front of the shittiest place he could have possibly picked to live, looking up at it tiredly. Getting absolutely shitfaced at a party and being lucky enough that the person who noticed was Shiro. Being haunted by some horrifically miserable looking version of himself that seemed to suck all his energy away. Blink-and-you'll-miss-it jump scares of that figure turning into Min himself as the scene speeds by.
Ryan doesn't seem to notice any of this happening. He stares at his hands and feels...far away as he talks about it.]
And then other times it's like, big obvious bullshit that you can't get away from that just takes over...everything.
[The scene darkens, fast forwarding through some kind of industrial complex. Ryan in a red jumpsuit, barefoot and gagging on the scent of his own blood. Looking down at his hands, not just because they're covered in blood but because there's a glowing number there. Someone addresses Ryan and it vanishes. He hides his hand.
Then they're out and Ryan in the memory is laughing, completely unhinged and warped from the fast forwarding but still probably uncomfortably familiar. He's laughing and laughing until the memory is eaten up by static.]
Even when you want to be done with it, it just hangs onto you. It makes people worry about you when you just want it to be over so you can just go back to normal already.
[He spends so long in bed that aside from the twitch of film here and there as he tosses and turns, it almost seems paused. A series of worried texts from Wu that abruptly cuts to Ryan crying on him like a child. Sitting on Wu and Mako's couch while Tomo and Zuko bully him into eating.
Ryan throws his hands in the air, frustrated with his total inability to explain anything worth a damn.]
And then! Then sometimes it's just fucking, mushrooms or whatever!
[Mushroom-faced people looking at him. A mushroom-faced man who could easily have been Min from a distance, but as he approaches the Raccoon Room's stage it becomes more and more apparent that it's actually Mako. Glowing green mushrooms in a 202 on Ryan's hand, as he desperately scratches over and over, until he's grabbed--
The video cuts out. The tape ends. The theater lights come back on, twinkling in the dark all around them. Ryan sighs.]
no subject
Well-- maybe not literally everything.
[He plays with the hair by his ear, tucking it back. Stalling.
Meanwhile, the space around them flickers. Min-Gi wants to know, and so it responds accordingly.]
But...sometimes it's a lot? Or like, I dunno. Like there's so much going on that you can't just point at one thing and go "Oh, that's totally the thing making me lose my fucking mind".
[Around them, scenes start to play at rapid speed, as if someone hit fast forward on the VCR. Some moments are so small that they go by with barely a blip before the next scene appears.]
Sometimes it'll be something stupid that everyone else is handling better than you.
[Standing in front of the shittiest place he could have possibly picked to live, looking up at it tiredly. Getting absolutely shitfaced at a party and being lucky enough that the person who noticed was Shiro. Being haunted by some horrifically miserable looking version of himself that seemed to suck all his energy away. Blink-and-you'll-miss-it jump scares of that figure turning into Min himself as the scene speeds by.
Ryan doesn't seem to notice any of this happening. He stares at his hands and feels...far away as he talks about it.]
And then other times it's like, big obvious bullshit that you can't get away from that just takes over...everything.
[The scene darkens, fast forwarding through some kind of industrial complex. Ryan in a red jumpsuit, barefoot and gagging on the scent of his own blood. Looking down at his hands, not just because they're covered in blood but because there's a glowing number there. Someone addresses Ryan and it vanishes. He hides his hand.
Then they're out and Ryan in the memory is laughing, completely unhinged and warped from the fast forwarding but still probably uncomfortably familiar. He's laughing and laughing until the memory is eaten up by static.]
Even when you want to be done with it, it just hangs onto you. It makes people worry about you when you just want it to be over so you can just go back to normal already.
[He spends so long in bed that aside from the twitch of film here and there as he tosses and turns, it almost seems paused. A series of worried texts from Wu that abruptly cuts to Ryan crying on him like a child. Sitting on Wu and Mako's couch while Tomo and Zuko bully him into eating.
Ryan throws his hands in the air, frustrated with his total inability to explain anything worth a damn.]
And then! Then sometimes it's just fucking, mushrooms or whatever!
[Mushroom-faced people looking at him. A mushroom-faced man who could easily have been Min from a distance, but as he approaches the Raccoon Room's stage it becomes more and more apparent that it's actually Mako. Glowing green mushrooms in a 202 on Ryan's hand, as he desperately scratches over and over, until he's grabbed--
The video cuts out. The tape ends. The theater lights come back on, twinkling in the dark all around them. Ryan sighs.]
Sorry. This probably isn't actually helpful?