[The vignettes rise up out of the darkness like one of those new IMAX movies. They're all around, clashing and enormous and raw. A phenomenon that Min-Gi might find incredible if the feature wasn't a collection of Ryan's darkest moments.
(Look what he's gone through without me..)
Ryan doesn't seem to see them, and it occurs to Min somewhere between the body farm and mistaking Mako for him that maybe Ryan can't see that it's happening. That maybe these are playing through his powers which he's already said he can't see.
(I'm making him do this, am I forcing him? Does he know?)
If that's the case then it feels a little dirty to be privy to the replay, even if it's what he wanted. Kind of. He wanted to know, he didn't want to see. He's relived Ryan's pain intimately, experiencing it as though it were his own and it almost wrecked him. He did it to help Ryan, scared of him corrupting. This isn't that, is it? This is about him being sick, so does seeing this help or does it just make it all worse? It's voyeuristic, without knowing the word. And for that he feels guilty. Dirty.
(He doesn't.. this is so wrong, I shouldn't be spying on him. This is unfair.)
But he watches on and they summon the same feelings as before. Intense grief and forlorn sorrow which weave into the negativity already so heavy in his core. That pain begins to prickle in his eyes and cut off his lungs, and he feels, on top of everything else, more helpless than ever.
The last vision lingers in his mind, bright green numbers seared into flesh. He hears, or perhaps imagines, a familiar whirring noise from his pocket.
Right back to the start. No, no this can't be real. It isn't real because they aren't on the train, even if that thing is out there trying to take them back! This is- this is just their powers combining into something terrible, right?
(Think about prom, think about anything good, make it go away-)
But he can't. All he can think about, all he can see as he pulls out his hand, disgusting and shaky and spilling green light out from between clenched fingers, is the number he went through so much, almost died, to get rid of.
(Make it go away.
I deserve this but he doesn't.
I'm a monster for forcing him.)
He takes a breath and holds it, ignoring Ryan's words for a second. He heard them, he did, but he can't think right now. He can't think and his chest is tight and little shattering cracks work their way up his throat, neck and cheek from trying to contain it. It stings, and he flinches, but he can't stop it. He can't stop anything, not even his own fingers from forcing open to see the number on his palm.]
no subject
(Look what he's gone through without me..)
Ryan doesn't seem to see them, and it occurs to Min somewhere between the body farm and mistaking Mako for him that maybe Ryan can't see that it's happening. That maybe these are playing through his powers which he's already said he can't see.
(I'm making him do this, am I forcing him? Does he know?)
If that's the case then it feels a little dirty to be privy to the replay, even if it's what he wanted. Kind of. He wanted to know, he didn't want to see. He's relived Ryan's pain intimately, experiencing it as though it were his own and it almost wrecked him. He did it to help Ryan, scared of him corrupting. This isn't that, is it? This is about him being sick, so does seeing this help or does it just make it all worse? It's voyeuristic, without knowing the word. And for that he feels guilty. Dirty.
(He doesn't.. this is so wrong, I shouldn't be spying on him. This is unfair.)
But he watches on and they summon the same feelings as before. Intense grief and forlorn sorrow which weave into the negativity already so heavy in his core. That pain begins to prickle in his eyes and cut off his lungs, and he feels, on top of everything else, more helpless than ever.
The last vision lingers in his mind, bright green numbers seared into flesh. He hears, or perhaps imagines, a familiar whirring noise from his pocket.
Right back to the start. No, no this can't be real. It isn't real because they aren't on the train, even if that thing is out there trying to take them back! This is- this is just their powers combining into something terrible, right?
(Think about prom, think about anything good, make it go away-)
But he can't. All he can think about, all he can see as he pulls out his hand, disgusting and shaky and spilling green light out from between clenched fingers, is the number he went through so much, almost died, to get rid of.
(Make it go away.
I deserve this but he doesn't.
I'm a monster for forcing him.)
He takes a breath and holds it, ignoring Ryan's words for a second. He heard them, he did, but he can't think right now. He can't think and his chest is tight and little shattering cracks work their way up his throat, neck and cheek from trying to contain it. It stings, and he flinches, but he can't stop it. He can't stop anything, not even his own fingers from forcing open to see the number on his palm.]
202