[If it's worse it's only because Min-Gi has done it to himself. He's ignored every warning he's had about corruption, every warning he's harped on Ryan with, every book, every offer of help, every reminder that they need to be open and together to get through it.
He'd said okay and made notes and extended what he's learned, but never stopped to apply it to himself. Why? Because he's Min-Gi Park. He's solid, he can Handle It.
Turns out he can't.
And his fear of failure is a self fulfilling prophecy.
One thing after another after another, tied and lit like a string of firecrackers on a hot summer evening. And now they're exploding.
Ra-ta-ta-ta ra-ta-ta-ta!
From the corner of his tunnel vision, Min-Gi thinks Ryan is moving towards him and he takes a reflexive step back - closing his glowing fist.
He looks startled, scared, and of course he is.]
I don't want to go back to the train!
[He doesn't want to die there, or here. He doesn't want to go through endless trials, he just wants to live his life and make music. Maybe try being happy for once. Being himself, free of expectation and all this god damn pressure!
Ra-ta-ta-ta ra-ta-ta-ta!
He snuffles, hard.]
Ryan I-
(I'm scared!)
[Behind him, the flexing, infinite cosmos pulls and weaves itself into the looming shapes of home. His parent's house, Dumpty's, the imposing shadow of university. All the things he rejected to be free. All the things he rejected to be with Ryan. Starting over here is almost as scary as going back to all those things. Different but no less visceral.]
I wanna go home. I want us to go home, I don't want to do this anymore! I just want things to go back to how they were, why is that so hard!? It's too much, this is too much! I'm not ready!
I can't- fffh- [Wheeze.] I can't breathe, I can't breathe--
no subject
He'd said okay and made notes and extended what he's learned, but never stopped to apply it to himself. Why? Because he's Min-Gi Park. He's solid, he can Handle It.
Turns out he can't.
And his fear of failure is a self fulfilling prophecy.
One thing after another after another, tied and lit like a string of firecrackers on a hot summer evening. And now they're exploding.
Ra-ta-ta-ta ra-ta-ta-ta!
From the corner of his tunnel vision, Min-Gi thinks Ryan is moving towards him and he takes a reflexive step back - closing his glowing fist.
He looks startled, scared, and of course he is.]
I don't want to go back to the train!
[He doesn't want to die there, or here. He doesn't want to go through endless trials, he just wants to live his life and make music. Maybe try being happy for once. Being himself, free of expectation and all this god damn pressure!
Ra-ta-ta-ta ra-ta-ta-ta!
He snuffles, hard.]
Ryan I-
(I'm scared!)
[Behind him, the flexing, infinite cosmos pulls and weaves itself into the looming shapes of home. His parent's house, Dumpty's, the imposing shadow of university. All the things he rejected to be free. All the things he rejected to be with Ryan. Starting over here is almost as scary as going back to all those things. Different but no less visceral.]
I wanna go home. I want us to go home, I don't want to do this anymore! I just want things to go back to how they were, why is that so hard!? It's too much, this is too much! I'm not ready!
I can't- fffh- [Wheeze.] I can't breathe, I can't breathe--