[It feels so stupid to be standing here crying like a baby into Ryan's neck. To be this upset, to be so undone that his body is very physically revolting against it. In...and out. In...and out. Through hyper ventilating and his knees threatening to give. Through clinging to Ryan like everything is going to dissolve and he really will die if he lets go.
It is mortifying and stupid and horrible and then Ryan starts singing the fucking squid song which is both deeply embarrassing and incredibly, intimately perfect.
Completely out of left field, he barely recognizes the tune at first, then catches the new lyrics, and he's caught between trying to breathe, over thinking, being embarrassed, mad, devastated, seen, and laughter.
So the noise he makes is a gross tangle of all of it, wrapped in a wet sob.
That's it, that's what breaks him. That's what opens the floodgates to the breakdown he's needed for months. Years, maybe. The total loss of control, weeping openly into Ryan's shoulder.]
no subject
It is mortifying and stupid and horrible and then Ryan starts singing the fucking squid song which is both deeply embarrassing and incredibly, intimately perfect.
Completely out of left field, he barely recognizes the tune at first, then catches the new lyrics, and he's caught between trying to breathe, over thinking, being embarrassed, mad, devastated, seen, and laughter.
So the noise he makes is a gross tangle of all of it, wrapped in a wet sob.
That's it, that's what breaks him. That's what opens the floodgates to the breakdown he's needed for months. Years, maybe. The total loss of control, weeping openly into Ryan's shoulder.]