[Which only makes him smile more. Is that fucked up? Maybe a little.
But it leeches through all the bitumen coating his insides and brings with it the warm feelings from Ryan, himself.
Min-Gi presses his face into Ryan, breathing in deep before he pulls himself up to sit, only letting go of his hand to rearrange himself. Hip to hip but in opposite directions, weight on one hand which crosses Ryan's lap to do so, putting them more or less face to face without him being directly in Ryan's lap.
Then he reaches for his boyfriend's hand, trying hard not to think about how awful it must be to touch claws right now, and leans in for a kiss.
Before it would have been side by side, hunched in with maybe their shoulders touching. This is better. Open. He wants to be more open.]
I'm sorry,
[Said softly when the kiss breaks. He looks up, apologetic but with purpose.]
I didn't really apologize after everything happened back home. For chickening out and not telling you why. Or not being able to tell you what I needed to begin with.
[He wets his lips. He's saying this now because it needs to be said but also because it's a pattern repeating right this very second.]
And I haven't done it here, either. Which makes me a hypocrite, I know. I've left you hanging so many times it's not even a fight anymore. I should be able to say I'm overwhelmed and pretending that I can handle all this stuff because we went through so much weird crazy shit already that it should be fine...
[He shifts to bring his hand back up, looking at the number sitting there like a taunt. It's not real. It can't be real. His hand is set back down. He can't.]
...but it's not. It's different, and it's awful, and I'm scared all the time.
You are too, I know. And we're together and we'll figure it out. I know. Just like I know you pay attention.
[Finally, Min-Gi looks back up. Meets Ryan's eyes. This is all coming out a little jumbled, a little stilted, but he's trying. It's hard to find a poetic way to say hey, I need to be better to you.]
I don't treat you very well sometimes and I don't want that to be the baseline for our relationship. I definitely don't give you enough credit. I should. I'm sorry for that, too.
no subject
[Which only makes him smile more. Is that fucked up? Maybe a little.
But it leeches through all the bitumen coating his insides and brings with it the warm feelings from Ryan, himself.
Min-Gi presses his face into Ryan, breathing in deep before he pulls himself up to sit, only letting go of his hand to rearrange himself. Hip to hip but in opposite directions, weight on one hand which crosses Ryan's lap to do so, putting them more or less face to face without him being directly in Ryan's lap.
Then he reaches for his boyfriend's hand, trying hard not to think about how awful it must be to touch claws right now, and leans in for a kiss.
Before it would have been side by side, hunched in with maybe their shoulders touching. This is better. Open. He wants to be more open.]
I'm sorry,
[Said softly when the kiss breaks. He looks up, apologetic but with purpose.]
I didn't really apologize after everything happened back home. For chickening out and not telling you why. Or not being able to tell you what I needed to begin with.
[He wets his lips. He's saying this now because it needs to be said but also because it's a pattern repeating right this very second.]
And I haven't done it here, either. Which makes me a hypocrite, I know. I've left you hanging so many times it's not even a fight anymore. I should be able to say I'm overwhelmed and pretending that I can handle all this stuff because we went through so much weird crazy shit already that it should be fine...
[He shifts to bring his hand back up, looking at the number sitting there like a taunt. It's not real. It can't be real. His hand is set back down. He can't.]
...but it's not. It's different, and it's awful, and I'm scared all the time.
You are too, I know. And we're together and we'll figure it out. I know. Just like I know you pay attention.
[Finally, Min-Gi looks back up. Meets Ryan's eyes. This is all coming out a little jumbled, a little stilted, but he's trying. It's hard to find a poetic way to say hey, I need to be better to you.]
I don't treat you very well sometimes and I don't want that to be the baseline for our relationship. I definitely don't give you enough credit. I should. I'm sorry for that, too.