noniad: (Default)
Ortus Nigenad ([personal profile] noniad) wrote in [community profile] deercountry2022-04-13 04:55 pm

[semi-open] i am the world's poor pessimist | april catch-all

Who: Ortus Nigenad and YOU
What: April Catchall
When: April
Where: Various
Content Warnings: Discussion of death, Harrow the Ninth spoilers

lipochrome: (10)

[personal profile] lipochrome 2022-04-15 03:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There was a part of Gideon that didn't expect Ortus to show up. A snail with Matthias Nonius energy is a pretty good draw, of course, but it's no guarantee.

Gideon used to cleave up the aged population of the Ninth House into three groups: Harrowhark, Aiglamene, and everyone else. Ortus might be one of the nicer members of everyone else, but it still doesn't change the fact that he probably hates her, and she doesn't especially like him.

But he's here, fallen for the bait, and he's looking at her, which is weird, she never asked for that. (except that she did, over and over again, screaming in her own way for someone to notice) Trust Ortus to make things weird. Whatever. She's got a job to do. Gideon sighs. ]


There's no snail, dude. I just needed a sneaky reason to get you out of God's receding hairline. [ Gideon starts to duck into a nearby abandoned shack, waving for Ortus to follow. ] In here.

[ Once she's confident he's not about to up and leave, Gideon will kick a couple crates together, as if that makes a halfway decent seating area. It doesn't, which is, you know, very Ninth. She sits. ]

There's some things you should know. About God. Since you're living in his area, and all.
lipochrome: (05)

cw: reference to child death, implied child murder

[personal profile] lipochrome 2022-04-18 07:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay. [ Gideon claps her hands together, which makes her feel like Teacher. She instantly regrets every decision she's ever made, ever. We're doing this, man. We're making it happen. ]

Welcome to Gideon Nav Talking Time, the Ninth's best source of entertainment after pushing Crux down the stairs.

[ Once again, that isn't a very good lead-in, but this is one hell of a conversation to have with someone. Gideon wouldn't be surprised if it's their longest one in person. Gideon takes a deep breath. ]

I'm sure you've wondered why I survived the flu, as opposed to -- [ everyone else. It feels weird to talk about the flu now, but even though Gideon is going to betray God, she won't betray Harrow. ] -- you know.

[ moving on! ]

It wasn't on purpose. I don't think I could get super sick, even if I wanted to. I'm -- the Emperor's my dad. There was this big, fucked-up plan to use me to break into the Tomb and kill him. That's how I ended up on the Ninth.

[ Gideon looks at a point on the wall past Ortus' face, because she cannot and does not want to imagine what new variety of depressingly sad he's wearing right now. ]

Pretty gross, I know. [ Gideon finishes, instead, trying to keep her tone casual. She figures she can just anticipate any disgust or shock or horror and turn it into a joke, a strategy that's worked well enough for the past eighteen years and change. ]
lipochrome: (22)

[personal profile] lipochrome 2022-04-26 02:41 am (UTC)(link)
[ Gideon takes Ortus' bow of his head as her cue to look away too, now studying a spot on her knee. His gentleness is unexpected, and Gideon finds it makes her feel shy, of all things. It's like Magnus pleasantly introducing himself all over again. Gideon has no idea what to do with it.

It's the always that gets her, most of all. A small, bitter part of Gideon, the part that grew up hating the Ninth and might not ever stop, bristles at it. Always? If Gideon was always remarkable, then why didn't Ortus say anything five, ten, or nineteen years ago?

She's able to silence that voice well enough, though. Ortus actually helps with that, and that's another thing that Gideon can add to the tally of shit she can't believe. Is he making a joke? At Crux's expense? That's, like, Gideon Nav Coping Strategy Number Two right there.

Gideon cracks a smile, despite herself, and manages a wry huff of a laugh. ]


Oh, a huge bummer, definitely. My first thought when I found out was 'suck it, Marshal.' Maybe he'll pull up as the world's crustiest squid and we can dunk him into the ocean over and over again while we give him the weird news.

[ Said a touch wistfully. And while "it's a bummer that Crux killed you" would be much too sappy of a thing for Gideon to say to Ortus, she does intentionally include that we, which hopefully communicates more or less the same thing. Or doesn't. Whatever. This situation is already so weird. ]
lipochrome: (27)

[personal profile] lipochrome 2022-04-30 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Gideon does not immediately say nah, actually, that was the beginning and end of my thinking about this. Which is a failing on her part, because her silence as good as admits to Ortus that this bothers her, and Ortus doesn't need to know what is or isn't bothering her. (Gideon tells herself she has too much pride for that, and she leaves it there.)

So. She just pretends Ortus hasn't said anything, aside from his last question, and it's almost like saving face. ]


Nah. That's just context. The important part of that is that I told you, and not him, because I don't want him using that as leverage.

[ That's a hell of a thing to say about your father, God, but Gideon is in way too deep to quit now. ]

Honestly, you really only need to do two things around him. [ Gideon counts off on her fingers. ] One is to not trust him. Two is to stay the fuck away from him, if you can help it.

He spent nine months trying to kill Harrowhark. [ There's the rub. Gideon's voice is all seriousness now, which feels so wrong, but this is the part that makes her too angry to sound any other way. ] And she knows that, and she still loves him, because he's a manipulative fucking asshole. I'm here to try and make sure he doesn't pull that shit again.
lipochrome: (19)

[personal profile] lipochrome 2022-05-10 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Gideon thinks, in the chasm between her speech and his response, that it might be better if he didn't say anything at all. It's easy to slip back into bad habits. It would be quicker. Message delivered and received, and that's all there is to it.

We.

Some old, dead poet that Ortus would probably like might say that brevity is the source of wit. Now, in this moment, Gideon thinks she knows what the poet means. We, like Gideon is a true and real member of the Ninth; we, like he has listened and understood. We, as in: I'm not sending you away.

Gideon, despite herself, smiles a little. It's a small, shy thing, a distant cousin to her typical easy, broad grin. ]


Well, at least you aren't kissing God's ass.

[ Or: okay, sure.

Ortus not knowing how Gideon knows all this is surprising, though. He knows about the lobotomy, so obviously he knows what it's for, right? Gideon's smile was never intended to last long, and it falters here, her expression threatening to go sullen. ]


I mean, you know. I tried to help Harrow become a Lyctor. It didn't work. When she stopped the process, I got trapped in the back of her mind like some weird, fucked-up brain ghost. I spent nine months like that, until this donkey-faced Lyctor named Mercymorn tried to kill her, and I ended up in the driver's seat instead.

Apparently, when I'm the one doing the walking and talking, my eyes show up in Harrow's face. So God and His Holy Middle Fingers had a big show-and-tell session about the Saints' fucked-up plan to use God's secret child to blow up the Tomb, and God's even worse plan to kill Harrow.

[ Gideon makes a face. ]

It was really bad. No one had a good time. Ianthe was there.
lipochrome: (23)

[personal profile] lipochrome 2022-05-24 02:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Alas, Gideon Nav, who martyred herself to save her most important person in the world, has not fully processed that there might have been a non-martyr option this whole time. It's not something she likes to think about. This whole shitty story is one that she doesn't like to think about, although living in God's house makes that project awfully difficult. ]

Maybe you did. She's a creepy little bone witch, but she's a tough-as-nails creepy little bone witch. [ Gideon tries to keep her voice flat, even -- it should be possible, given that these are all objective facts -- but a little current of admiration still seeps through. ] It was -- [ time for the understatement of the century ] -- a bad time.

[ That's easy enough to acknowledge. But, oh, you should not have to endure such a thing? That doesn't add up. It doesn't make any sense. Ortus' mother had even said it herself -- she knew what befalls cavaliers. And that's true three times over for Gideon, who was a bomb to be detonated, and when that didn't work, a battery to be consumed, and when that failed, a furnace of immortality.

Gideon stiffens, any openness about sharing a goal or mission with Ortus now fully closed-off. What the hell does she say to that? Outright disagreement just sounds pathetic, but if she agreed with him even a little bit, if she started to think about what she did and didn't deserve --

-- it'd be a waste of their time, that's for sure. ]


Whatever. That -- it doesn't matter. I'm her cavalier. [ it all comes back to Harrowhark, in the end. There's something grounding about service. ] I'd do anything for her.
lipochrome: (05)

[personal profile] lipochrome 2022-06-02 05:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[ This is all wrong. Ortus has got it backwards. He doesn't need to feel sorry for her, doesn't need to ask for her indulgence. There's a part of Gideon, small and buried deep, that wonders if she's messed up, somehow. But second-guessing yourself doesn't get you anywhere, and Gideon reminds herself of that now. ]

It's -- you're fine.

[ Gideon tips her head back, running her fingers through her hair. Then, because emotional regulation is not one of her strengths, she lets out a rattling Ugghghghhhghhgh. ]

I know the Ninth House is, like, the master of making things weird, but you don't need my indulgence, or any of that crap. Just don't make anything weird. I'm the same hot beefcake you've always known, just, you know. I've got a new dad and a new job.

[ It happens! Very normal developments here in this run-down shack. ]
lipochrome: (22)

[personal profile] lipochrome 2022-06-22 10:10 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It takes Gideon a moment too long to realize Ortus has just made a joke, mainly because she wasn't aware? That he could do that? Not for the first time, she asks herself what the fuck has gotten into him, what with this newfound sense of humor and giving a shit about her and semi-spine.

Maybe dying rattles your brain. Maybe Gideon's brain is also rattled. Whatever, she mainly thinks with her muscles anyway.

She'll respond to the joke with a half-laugh that's closer to a snort, so he knows she's got it. And she'll ignore the comment about her trust, because that is once again a weird thing to say, and an even weirder thing to want.

(Besides. Gideon gave someone her trust. She gave someone her whole life, and they didn't even want it.) ]


Yeah, sure. That's all the news I've got.

[ Gideon rises to leave, and she almost doesn't look back to see if Ortus is following her. Almost. ]