[Ochako's hand moves to slide into his, and he tries not to tense or give away any of what always goes through his mind when they're in moments like this. When they're about him, his stupid fucking comfort, and not hers. It's easy as hell to do now, when he knows that Ochako is the one who needs it. And far more difficult, when it's his turn cast his pride aside and to accept. Katsuki knows that if Ochako knew what he was thinking, she would probably slap him upside the head and tell him how fucking stupid that is--albeit in much kinder words and with far less force than he wants to imagine, but it's still ingrained in him to want to keep his moments of weakness to himself. Still feels like a direct blow to the aforementioned pride to let himself seek comfort, like he's some kind of fucking baby who needs their damn Mom.
It's not like that. It's not wrong of him to do. Sometimes you have to take the hand that's being offered, right? That's the shit that he said to Deku, before he pulled him out of that ice wall. When he was trying to get him to come back from the depths of his corruption. It's what his fucking promise to her is all about. He's got to stop fucking hesitating, letting his shitty line of expired ideals take over and control him. Stop letting them hurt other people.
He's done more than enough of that. That's the entire fucking problem. Knowing that, not facing it. Walking around like it doesn't exist.
Katsuki forces his hand open, threads their fingers together and listens. To every word that she says, to every drop of blood making a faint thud in the sink as it drops from his face into it. Makes himself squeeze in return when Ochako's does, to once again let her know that he's heard her, loud and clear.
Too clear. Problem is, he... doesn't know if he can give her what she needs here.
Drip... Drip... Drip...
The sound of droplets is all there is again. Yet another long silence, while the blond tries to find the best way to put it to her. Without trampling all over her fucking feelings.]
You can't-- it's not- fuck! [He can ace tests, can pick up almost any task and conquer it like it's nothing. He can fight and win and shock and awe everyone around him with almost everything he can do... so why the fuck is it can't he just say some fucking words and be done with it?! Why is it so painfully fucking difficult to get out, when he knows that she's waiting and ready to take on whatever it is that's dragging him down?
A wet sniff, with Katsuki's other hand tightening it's grip on the counter. She'll feel the tension in his back, the slow expansion of it as he sucks in a measured, steeling breath. Then he tries again.] It isn't like I forgot, when we were in Nippon. Couldn't fucking forget it if I wanted to, and I don't. Ain't a damn coward, I know what I've done and I've never tried to hide it. But it was something I had to put in the back of my mind, y'know? Couldn't do a damn thing about it then, so the progress I thought I'd made got buried with the rest of the shit. Then we came here, and now every time I turn a damn corner there's just another reminder that I still haven't fucking figured it out.
[Bad spot to choose to start at from an audience perspective, he realizes belatedly. Katsuki just sighs, frustrated with himself, and finally releases the counter to pick up his bloody rag once more. Trying again, to sop up the bloody fucking mess on his face.] I've got a lot of shit to make up for, Uraraka. You can't help me any more than you already have.
for fucking real tho ;-;
It's not like that. It's not wrong of him to do. Sometimes you have to take the hand that's being offered, right? That's the shit that he said to Deku, before he pulled him out of that ice wall. When he was trying to get him to come back from the depths of his corruption. It's what his fucking promise to her is all about. He's got to stop fucking hesitating, letting his shitty line of expired ideals take over and control him. Stop letting them hurt other people.
He's done more than enough of that. That's the entire fucking problem. Knowing that, not facing it. Walking around like it doesn't exist.
Katsuki forces his hand open, threads their fingers together and listens. To every word that she says, to every drop of blood making a faint thud in the sink as it drops from his face into it. Makes himself squeeze in return when Ochako's does, to once again let her know that he's heard her, loud and clear.
Too clear. Problem is, he... doesn't know if he can give her what she needs here.
Drip... Drip... Drip...
The sound of droplets is all there is again. Yet another long silence, while the blond tries to find the best way to put it to her. Without trampling all over her fucking feelings.]
You can't-- it's not- fuck! [He can ace tests, can pick up almost any task and conquer it like it's nothing. He can fight and win and shock and awe everyone around him with almost everything he can do... so why the fuck is it can't he just say some fucking words and be done with it?! Why is it so painfully fucking difficult to get out, when he knows that she's waiting and ready to take on whatever it is that's dragging him down?
A wet sniff, with Katsuki's other hand tightening it's grip on the counter. She'll feel the tension in his back, the slow expansion of it as he sucks in a measured, steeling breath. Then he tries again.] It isn't like I forgot, when we were in Nippon. Couldn't fucking forget it if I wanted to, and I don't. Ain't a damn coward, I know what I've done and I've never tried to hide it. But it was something I had to put in the back of my mind, y'know? Couldn't do a damn thing about it then, so the progress I thought I'd made got buried with the rest of the shit. Then we came here, and now every time I turn a damn corner there's just another reminder that I still haven't fucking figured it out.
[Bad spot to choose to start at from an audience perspective, he realizes belatedly. Katsuki just sighs, frustrated with himself, and finally releases the counter to pick up his bloody rag once more. Trying again, to sop up the bloody fucking mess on his face.] I've got a lot of shit to make up for, Uraraka. You can't help me any more than you already have.