( open ) do not stand on my grave and weep

[jedies]

Who: Obi-Wan + You
What: Obi-Wan updating to Post Revenge of the Sith
When: May 7th
Where: Around Trench + Obi-Wan's House

Content Warnings: Possible intense discussions of grief and trauma. Mentions of genocide and mutilation.

( i. awakening — closed to immediate cr + vyng )

[ he awoke in darkness.

that is what terrified him momentarily. the darkness closed in on him, on everyone and he had to warn, he had to stop it, he had to do something. the yawning abyss stretched out and obi-wan thrust his hand forward to touch . . . something soft? like the folds of a cocoon. he grasps and pulls, the force answering his cry like the tempestuous rush of the tide —

— and it breaks, light cascading into his strange prison. he pulls himself out with a gasp, dragging himself along the floor. blearily, he blinks, taking in his surroundings before he rasps out in a voice ill-used for days. ]

W — Where?

( ii. drinks on the house )

[ after (hastily) settling affairs, obi-wan drifts around the town like a ghost. his robe is pulled over his head, leaving his gaze in shadow. not that he meets anyone’s eyes for long. listlessly, he wanders until he finds himself at a bar. before, he would have called up constantine and they would have settled themselves in a corner, drinking without judgment but mindful of each other. constantine is gone. abby is gone. all the friends he used to do such things with — quinlan, shaak ti, mace, kit . . . they’re all gone. his family. his brothers and sisters, all in the force.

gone. the absence of their bonds ache like forgotten stars. he signals for a drink with a sigh. if anyone approaches him in his melancholia, he will reply as such. ]

I’m afraid I’m not much for company at the moment. You’d be better suited elsewhere.

( iii. the sword in hand )

[ in the morning, he tries to return to routine. normalcy. he shouldn’t forgo everything simply because he is changed.

oh, but everything has changed.

he performs the exercise without the use of his saber. not everything is reliant on the edge of the blade and he had other skills to hone. every day, every minute. obi-wan may dislike a number of things, but he refuses to be anything less than perfect in all his deficiencies. and there were just so many, cluttering his head and his heart.

obi-wan wrenches himself out of his thought with a jerk of his head and in a hurried motion, draws his saber and — lava and fire burns all around them, but all he can feel is cold, cold is the touch of the dark, cold is the way that withers all and not even the hatred in anakin’s eyes changed that and obi-wan is so cold, why was this happening, how did they come to this —

— he flings his saber in a burst of pain. it soars through the air before falling to the ground, landing on soft grass. it makes no sound. obi-wan can’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. his knees sink to the ground and he bows his head while his fingers grasp at his ears.

he can’t hear anything anymore. it’s all cold. ]

Comments

[jedies]

[ his expression goes soft. ]

Of course, Ezra.

[ezra_of_lothal]

[His smile flicks brighter and he darts over, to wrap both arms about Obi-wan. Not as tight as he could, just in case Obi-wan jolts or has some other some involuntary reaction. But solid and there.]

[jedies]

[ despite what people may think, obi-wan doesn't shun contact or hugs. and even now, when he's struggling, he would not dismiss such an act. his arms circle around ezra, warmth in his bones. ]

[ezra_of_lothal]

[Ezra knows Obi-wan is great at hugs, but he'd still thought it was good to ask first, especially while they're both fumbling along figuring out whatever the new baseline is.

He ducks his face against Obi-wan's shoulder, and mumbles-]

For the record, I believe you.

[jedies]

[ ah, ezra. he smiles and presses a faint kiss to his brow. ]

How could I not know?

[ezra_of_lothal]

[He huffs, but he's smiling and more of the anxiety that he's been trying to keep under wraps eases.

To be understood and believed, in turn - it's a precious gift.]

I just like to say this stuff with very direct words, sometimes. [Words, actions, feelings in the Force - no form of communication between imperfect and complicated people can be perfect.]

[jedies]

I'm not complaining.

[ezra_of_lothal]

Good to know. [He says it lightly, but he means it. He wouldn't want to...corner Obi-wan somehow, emotionally. He tightens the hugs briefly, before letting go, and stepping back.]

[jedies]

[ obi-wan lapses back into his contemplation. it has been a long day. it'll be a long few years as well. whether more memories will come or not, he doesn't know.

all he knows is that he must keep going. ]