( open ) do not stand on my grave and weep

[jedies]

Who: Obi-Wan + You
What: Obi-Wan updating to Post Revenge of the Sith
When: May 7th
Where: Around Trench + Obi-Wan's House

Content Warnings: Possible intense discussions of grief and trauma. Mentions of genocide and mutilation.

( i. awakening — closed to immediate cr + vyng )

[ he awoke in darkness.

that is what terrified him momentarily. the darkness closed in on him, on everyone and he had to warn, he had to stop it, he had to do something. the yawning abyss stretched out and obi-wan thrust his hand forward to touch . . . something soft? like the folds of a cocoon. he grasps and pulls, the force answering his cry like the tempestuous rush of the tide —

— and it breaks, light cascading into his strange prison. he pulls himself out with a gasp, dragging himself along the floor. blearily, he blinks, taking in his surroundings before he rasps out in a voice ill-used for days. ]

W — Where?

( ii. drinks on the house )

[ after (hastily) settling affairs, obi-wan drifts around the town like a ghost. his robe is pulled over his head, leaving his gaze in shadow. not that he meets anyone’s eyes for long. listlessly, he wanders until he finds himself at a bar. before, he would have called up constantine and they would have settled themselves in a corner, drinking without judgment but mindful of each other. constantine is gone. abby is gone. all the friends he used to do such things with — quinlan, shaak ti, mace, kit . . . they’re all gone. his family. his brothers and sisters, all in the force.

gone. the absence of their bonds ache like forgotten stars. he signals for a drink with a sigh. if anyone approaches him in his melancholia, he will reply as such. ]

I’m afraid I’m not much for company at the moment. You’d be better suited elsewhere.

( iii. the sword in hand )

[ in the morning, he tries to return to routine. normalcy. he shouldn’t forgo everything simply because he is changed.

oh, but everything has changed.

he performs the exercise without the use of his saber. not everything is reliant on the edge of the blade and he had other skills to hone. every day, every minute. obi-wan may dislike a number of things, but he refuses to be anything less than perfect in all his deficiencies. and there were just so many, cluttering his head and his heart.

obi-wan wrenches himself out of his thought with a jerk of his head and in a hurried motion, draws his saber and — lava and fire burns all around them, but all he can feel is cold, cold is the touch of the dark, cold is the way that withers all and not even the hatred in anakin’s eyes changed that and obi-wan is so cold, why was this happening, how did they come to this —

— he flings his saber in a burst of pain. it soars through the air before falling to the ground, landing on soft grass. it makes no sound. obi-wan can’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. his knees sink to the ground and he bows his head while his fingers grasp at his ears.

he can’t hear anything anymore. it’s all cold. ]

Comments

[jedies]

[ obi-wan absorbs that for a moment. a moment that should be recognized. ]

Thank you, Chizuru. It's very kind of you.

[tealeafs]

[ Usually she'd say it's just the sort of thing anyone would do. Because Chizuru does genuinely believe that. Who could see Obi-Wan struggling like this, and just.. not care? Not want to reach out?

It's impossible to even imagine for her.

But she tries her best to accept the compliment this time, if not just because she doesn't want to argue about it while he's already dealing with so much. ]

Then.. if you need anything else, please let me know. If you ever need to talk, or.. um, just need a warm meal you don't have to make yourself, or anything else at all..

[ She seems to be struggling to find the right words for a moment, but then shakes her head. ]

Please just ask me for anything whenever, alright, sir? This place is so much to deal with already, and when you're dealing with all those awful things from back home at the same time.. I want you to know that there are people you can rely on here.

[jedies]

[ people are . . . truly amazing. he may never have the core faith he used to have in people. not after they were gunned down. not after they were murdered so cruelly and painfully, their trust betrayed. not after his shaking fingers touched the cold throat of a child, their warmth extinguished.

and yet. here they were. once he had wished for the galaxy to do the same, to care, to help. the jedi could only do so much and they were dying in the war to save others. hope still lives. it may not be his. he may not keep any for himself.

but it lives. still. ]

. . . Thank you. I'll do my best to remember.

[tealeafs]

I'm glad.

[ Just to hear that, she means. It makes her smile, mostly since she's used to dealing with men who are way more stubborn about accepting this sort of thing, or just any form of help.. ]

I should probably get going now, but.. I'm happy I happened here at the right moment to talk to you, sir. [ Hopefully there are many people around to help lighten his burden, Chizuru thinks. ]

[jedies]

. . . As am I.