Dabi (荼毘) (
burnitblack) wrote in
deercountry2022-05-23 07:38 pm
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[Open] 🚬 June Flames
Who: Dabi & others
What: June Catch-All
When: Various
Where: June
Content Warnings: Potential mentions of domestic/child abuse, potential mentions of murder, violence, adult language or subjects
Notes: General and specific starters will be below. More to come, including event prompts. Contact under cut.
If you want to hit me up for ideas on prompts or plots, feel free to comment on Dabi's CR plotting post or his Event plotting post (tbd), hit me up on my contacts – Plurk (
StarSeed69) / Discord (StarSeed#3572) – shoot me a PM, or drop an ooc comment down below, and we’ll hash it out. I'm down to write a unique starter for our threads if you prefer.
NOTE: I'll be with limited computer access the first week of June, and will get event prompts up when I return.
What: June Catch-All
When: Various
Where: June
Content Warnings: Potential mentions of domestic/child abuse, potential mentions of murder, violence, adult language or subjects
Notes: General and specific starters will be below. More to come, including event prompts. Contact under cut.
If you want to hit me up for ideas on prompts or plots, feel free to comment on Dabi's CR plotting post or his Event plotting post (tbd), hit me up on my contacts – Plurk (
NOTE: I'll be with limited computer access the first week of June, and will get event prompts up when I return.
ah the fun argument of sentient versus sapient ~
dabi's blue gaze remains rolled to the side, levied at maul with a curious, flat look to see his reaction. he's neither surprised nor disappointed.]
Gross. We talkin cannibalism here or munchin on some kinda alien?
[since maul said his world was about galaxies and flying to other planets. the man's not human either, obviously. does it count as cannibalism if you eat a member of another sentient species? or is it relegated to sapient species?
a human from a world of nothing but humans only has that limited comparison to make. perhaps it's not the same in maul's case. though dabi'd rather not thing of the man sitting down beside a fire stripping the flesh off someone's arm.
ew.]
cw: dissociation from reality mentioned
[Even so, Maul's thankful that his memory of that time is fragmented and fuzzy around the edges. He doesn't need to have perfect recall of those days when he'd slowly lost his grip on reality day-by-day until he couldn't even remember his own name.]
I would have gone on like that for the rest of my life had my brother not rescued me from that Force-forsaken planet.
[That one act meant Maul would forever defend Savage from anyone who wished him harm. His brother had come for him, sent by his mother when no one else cared about him any longer. He was just some forgotten legend in the galaxy until he was able to be restored to full body and mind.]
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[while he's able to somewhat relate with the "matter of pure survival", dabi had never been in a situation here he had to choose between eating another person and dying. he'd rather not have to make that choice, thanks.
leaning back against the tree, the villain raises his arms over his head, bones and muscles creaking a bit from pulling out of the previous slouch. his shoulders pop and warmth spills down his arms in that 'feels good' manner as he drops them to his side again.]
Oh, ya ain't an only kid? [for some reason that never occurred to him. maybe because maul wasn't human and dabi just... didn't think to ascribe human "family" notions to him. it made him look at the zabrak in a slightly different light.] Is he here?
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Oh, you have no idea.
[He'd sacrificed most of his sanity to keep the still-organic portion of his body alive. He'd been worse off than an animal by the time Savage rescued him, for all animals cared about was survival, while deep within Maul there still was the conscious desire for revenge against those who had wronged him.
Maul looks towards Dabi when he asks his questions. The man is hard to look at sometimes with his extreme and grisly looks. Maul's seen worse but it still doesn't make it easy sometimes when he's near the firestarter.]
Yes. One of four. Two by blood and one by ties as strong as any blood relation. Two of them are here. Savage and Wesker. My youngest brother Feral is still dead.
['Still' implying at least one of the other two died at least once before and been revived. Dabi's gotten Maul on one of the few subjects he's willing to talk a lot about.]
You'll recognize them both if you see them. Savage is a Zabrak like me with yellow skin, black tattoos, and golden eyes. Wesker looks somewhat human until you get closer to him. His red eyes are more feline-like than anything else and he keeps them hidden with sunglasses most of the time.
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[of course he has no idea. frankly, isn't interested in asking. other people's suffering has little relevancy to him, especially since he can't really "use" their stories in this world like he could back home. weaponizing them to attack heroes and drive his own twisted thoughts into their lives.
maul obviously has a load of shit behind him, dragged through an apparently bad upbringing and some major calamity later in life. that's what dabi's gathered from their interactions so far. likely all to do with that "master" of his the man's so scared of now.
some people wonder why dabi doesn't cover up his damaged body, instead of leaving his burned head and arms visible to everyone. thing is, he wants people to see that gross exterior, because eventually someone always asks "how" and that's a question he loves to answer. the heroes---hell, everyone---should know the price people have to pay for the ambition of so-called "heroes".]
Wow. Big family. Guessin Wesker's the adoptive one. [kind of easy to figure when you got maul, savage, and feral going as names for the blood-related kids. dabi understands adoption easily enough. still doesn't entirely agree that makes someone "family" like blood does. he notes the "still" part and glances over to maul again.] "Still" meanin Feral was here once and now isn't, or he's dead back home and hasn't had the "pleasure" of gettin spit up in this place?
[family is also one of the things dabi doesn't mind talking a lot about, but it takes a certain route to unlock that topic, and he's picky about what and how he reveals things regarding his family. for now, he's good with focusing on maul's.]
Saw the Zabrak guy one time. Before I met ya. Just a passin glance. [no interaction whatsoever.] Gonna have to be more specific on the adoptee. Lotta people wear sunglasses.
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[Still, Maul knows his mother loved him dearly, enough to buck several important Nightsister traditions such as choosing to raise her sons herself, and so he can't hate her for that. Besides, there's other things she did which make him feel a little resentful. As with most people in his life, Maul's relationship with his mother is very complicated.]
The latter. Both Savage and Wesker have died or will die back in their universes of origin but both are alive here again. It gives me hope my youngest brother will make his way here again someday. [He knows that Savage will be even more pleased than he will if that eventually happens. Maul hopes someday his entire family will be reunited here in Trench.]
Blonde hair, wears a lot of black and a long coat, deep growling voice, can move faster than most humanoid's eyes can follow and punch hard enough to go straight through a man's chest.
[Once again, one of those descriptors is not like the others.]
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Damn, first time someone's confirmed that to me. [this place can bring the dead back to live again. that's got to be a blessing and a curse at he same time, finding yourself alive and able to move again, only to know that should you leave, you'll die again. a completely different sort of cage than others are trapped in.]
So you'd rather your brother be here in this shithole, with all the crap he'll have to go through, instead of stayin in his grave back home. Heh, dunno if that's cruel or kind. [come to hell with me, where you can live again. and die a lot while you're at it. ah well, that's maul's dilemma to balance in his head.]
That's more helpful. Might recognize him now. [he's heard worse descriptors. thanks for the silent warning, maul.]
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It's one of the reasons I have no desire to leave this place. I don't want to go back to the galaxy without my brother alive. [Maul and Savage are woefully codependent on each other, Maul extremely overprotective of his little brother while he sought to make sure he was happy and Savage dead-set on helping Maul achieve his goals while helping his brother learn to love again.]
He's family. He deserves to be with people who care about him instead of having died without honor on Dathomir. [He won't ever mention to people it was Savage who had killed Feral in a brainwashed state. That's his brother's secret to tell if he ever wants to entrust it to people.]
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and "respect" is a fleeting facade of survivalist mindset.]
Lucky you. Guessin ya don't have any unfinished business back home either. [that or maul's brother is more important than anything maul has back home. the notion is strange due to dabi's experiences, but that's his business and he doesn't speak for someone else's. certainly not maul's. but safe to say, they drastically diverge when it comes to sibling relationships.]
Maybe you'll get ya wish. [dabi stretches his legs out below him and rests his hands behind his head.] But that means you'll probably have to see him die a few times while he's here. This place doesn't care about your feelings.
... how many times have you died?
[on the topic.]
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[Maul knows he won't receive the same chances in his own galaxy as he will here. Better to remain and keep striving to become a better person than to return to a place which has only ever brought him misery.]
It would still be worth it. My family means everything to me.
[Maul will kill and do far worse when it comes to protecting his family and make sure of their happiness. That is something that has always been a part of himself ever since he was a child and protecting Savage on Dathomir when his younger brother had been born sickly.
At the question, Maul ticks off the amount of times on his clawed fingers, slowly counting them down.]
Three times in Deerington, once here, and once in the future back home.
[And since Dabi's been asking him questions about them, Maul grows curious and asks one of his own.]
Do you have any family here?
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he "knows" his future, in that he's aware of his limitations and what single-minded goal he's stalking towards. but beyond that, all the details and paths remain blissfully (and frustratingly) darkened.
but thing is, he'll never achieve that obsessive goal in this fucking place. it's worse for dabi to remain trapped here, without purpose and fuming over his inability to move forward. there's nothing here for him to want more than what's back home.]
Ain'tcha just a big-hearted family man. Ya know, we might share that trait.
[he offers little else on that comment, though his distanced gaze and narrowed pupils combined with a hook of his mouth at the corner suggests there's something else behind those words. maul, with his force sensitivity, is gonna feel one hell of a swell of extremely negative emotions if he bothers to reach out. chief among them being burning rage, murderous intent, and starving hatred.]
So four that matter. [the one home doesn't count cause it's got no bearing here. they'll all end up dying for good back home.] Pain in the ass comin back, but kinda makes killin a moot point here.
[whether he's amused by that or annoyed is hard to tell. probably both. the question earns some silence as the man deliberates with himself over whether to answer. normally he wouldn't, since that's none of anyone's business, and by default he's a secretive person. but considering this is trench and it wouldn't be hard for maul to find out the truth by asking around, there's little point in withholding the answer, lest someone else give him more than dabi'd prefer him to know.]
A little brother.
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It's a little hard to read emotion on a face that burnt up but Maul can feel what's going on beneath the surface when Dabi speaks. Looks like he's run into someone else who has a complicated relationship with their family. But really what else is new? If Maul had a coin for every time he met someone with an actual stable family background, he'd have about three coins.]
Killing's never pointless. Revenge against those that kill people I care about is always worth it. [Maul's always felt that way. He's never going to be able to just roll over and take it lying down. Always, there will be that eternal rage and fury within him that demands vengeance.] Besides, coming back isn't always a guarantee, so don't count on it happening every time.
[With that swell of negative emotions that's still coming from Dabi and the way he doesn't elaborate on the answer, Maul can guess a bit at what lies behind the words.]
I sense that might be a bit of a complicated relationship.
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unfortunately.
dabi normally doesn't show emotions on his face, save for those he wants to. the normal calm expression occasionally flavors itself with snide mockery, casual confidence, annoyance, or irritation. only certain people can elicit such intense emotions like rage or elation from him, and that's usually based on the current circumstances. he keeps most of himself under wraps in that enigmatic stoicism. that said, since he's never run into an empath before, he carries on without knowing maul's aware.]
If they keep comin back, ya didn't technically avenge yourself. Cause they're still here, still alive, still enjoyin themselves. Pissin you off cause they keep gettin away with it. [after all, if someone kills the one you care about, and said person stays dead, but their killer remains alive, that's a recipe for madness as the urge for revenge continues to swell and grow, but is unable to satiate itself. the unfairness is an insane pressure. a reminder you failed to avenge that person wronged.] Yeah, I'm aware of that. But even then, it wasn't you that made 'em disappear forever. It's this place that decides that.
[again, stealing whatever joy you might've taken from victorious revenge murder.]
In some ways, yeah, some ways, nah. Mostly comes from our father.
[the man dabi had earlier inferred was the one responsible for his scars.]
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Revenge is about making someone suffer. No death here is ever going to be a pleasant or painless one. Therefore it's still worth it to watch someone be in agony. And if it takes killing them over and over again, making them watch their loved ones suffer while they're helpless to do anything, or breaking their spirit entirely to get my revenge, then that is just what I shall do. [Maul's thirst for revenge against those who he feels has wronged him is as much a part of him as the anger which has kept him going all this time. He's had years to think up ways to take it on people he thinks deserve it. Being here hasn't changed that one bit.]
Fathers always seem to do that. [Maul says sagely with a nod of his head. He knows his own could have given Dabi's a run for his money, thought at least Sidious never mutilated him the way that had happened to Dabi.] Why didn't you team up to kill him? That's a good way to bond with siblings you're not close to.
[It hadn't worked so well for Maul and Savage when they went up against Sidious. But that was just because Sidious severely outclassed both of them in power and skill. It still was the catalyst that allowed Maul to grow close to Savage in Deerington and Trench.]
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Once ya break their spirit and take away everything that thing ever considered precious in his life, I ain't got any further desire to let him continue to hold onto something as nice as his life. Even if it's the last thing he's got. [that went personal quick. for dabi, continual torment is not "final" torment while they're alive. there has to be an end or else there continues to be the possibility to change, of escape, of a mistake. besides, once everything worth burning is burnt, there's nothing else left to do. ash doesn't burn. it's immune to flames. and he's not one to waste his time and effort on a pointless endeavor... besides, he's got certain limitations back home that he's not gonna bother talking about right now. but his burning, headlong mad rush into the flames for his revenge hasn't cooled at all here. it's simply been put on hold for the very obvious reason that his father isn't here.]
Ya got a real limited experience pool of fathers if that's what you think. [dabi's voice is tinged with sarcastic amusement at maul's "shortcoming" in that realm. surely he doesn't think "all" fathers do that. otherwise it would been "normal" and he'd have no "better" to compare it to, and thus ignite that anger over not being able to have that "better" experience. then again, dabi's generally rude even when playing devil's advocate. cause it's entertaining.]
He's too weak to do somethin like that.
[too weak to hold onto his hatred. forgiven? dabi's not sure if shouto's truly forgiven endeavor, but he's at least put his rage aside enough to emerge from his icy defiance and start to work with the man. worse still, he truly believes enji's claim at trying to be "better" is true. idiot. people like their father don't change.]
Besides, dad's not here, so what's the point?
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There's something to be said for making one wish they were dead and then not granting them their request. Once they are dead, then it's just.....over. Pain that goes on and on and on can be quite delicious. [Of course, one ran the risk of their target managing to escape the prolonged torment or somehow finding the strength to rally against what was happening, as had happened with Kenobi on Mandalore, but sometimes the risks had to be taken in order to truly make someone suffer.
Maul snorts softly in something close to amusement but not quite. That is true. It's not like he knows anything like what a healthy relationship with a father looks like]
My relationship with him has always been extremely complicated. He is about as terrible as yours if not moreso. [He pauses.] Maybe it would be a tie between the two of them if it was a contest.
[Maul shakes his head, tutting softly. Famous last words right there.]
This place has a tendency to take absolutes and turn them on their heads. If he is a nightmare for you to handle, this place might create a facsimile of him or something similar for you to face. Do you think your brother would come to your aid if you were being terrorized by him again?
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Most people get sick of eatin the same dish over and over eventually. Keep someone wishin for death around long enough, they'll find somethin else to wish for and you'll lose ya chance. I don't intend on lettin him stay alive. That's too good for him. [especially since he blames is death on endeavor. death for death. and the other more pressing aspect: dabi doesn't exactly have a long life to live and savor that revenge. he's on borrowed time as it is, if his charring body doesn't give hints to that reality already. something he and maul can agree to disagree on.]
Don't compare your experience to mine. I ain't interested in that contest. [comparing fathers, saying who had it worse, there's always ultimately some semblance of superiority and downplay that results from it. not an aspect dabi wants to give seed to between himself and maul. the zabrak male is decent company. no point in poisoning it.]
Safe to say we haven't had the best in parents. [the sarcasm in his voice is a wry cover for that proverbial olive branch in regards to the comparison topic.]
Think ya mixin somethin up. Endeavor ain't a nightmare to me; he's a dream I aim to achieve. But I ain't gonna promise you I'd feel amazin burnin up a buncha conjured-up fakes. All that'll do is remind me the real one isn't here. I'm still trapped in this hellhole.
As for my brother, yeah, he'd come to my aid every time. He's an idiot like that.
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[Still, it was immensely satisfying to take a piece out of the old harpy when he got the chance.]
I suppose we shall just have to agree to disagree. Not that it matters much. It took a long time but I gave up the main target of my revenge some time ago.
[Obi-Wan had always been the easier target and it took a long time for Maul to realized he focused on the man because the true desire to take revenge on his master was forever out of his reach. Maul was no longer fueled by revenge now. He had more important things to focus on.]
Duly noted.
[He had enough sense to back off the subject. He hadn't meant it to turn in the direction of a pissing contest anyway. He was just very bad at empathizing with people.]
Hmmm, no, not at all. It explains a lot really.
[Namely how the two of them had become so fucked up. Maul knew he would be very different had he not been raised by such a monster.]
Now now, there are worse things in the world than having a loyal sibling who will stand by you. Allies like that are hard to come by. Back in my own galaxy, it was one of the best things to ever happen to me.
[Maul would have never known what having love from an actual family was like as an adult had his brother not come to rescue him from Lotho Minor and take him home.]
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Uh-huh. [agree to disagree. one black brow arches when maul mentions giving up on his revenge.] After all that ya just spouted, you're gonna tell me ya "gave up" on ya target?
[whether it's surprised, suspicious, or insulting is up to maul to take it as, but dabi likely means it all three ways. a dig at the zabrak for failing in something he had so intensely yearned for. especially after how he'd gone on about it to him a moment ago. he's not even sure he wants to know the "why" behind the decision. sounds real fucking disappointing and pathetic.
maul is a strange character... likely due to his time in trench rather than back home.]
Yeah, it does. [whether maul meant it as a pissing contest didn't matter; it'd turn into one regardless. dabi has often compared his life to others and used it as a rationale behind his actions. but that's a personal choice and he does it for a reason and usually weaponizes it rather than simply holding it up as a rate sheet in a casual-ish conversation. personal preference. nothing maul's "at fault" for. empathy's not dabi's strong point either.
the last point, however... a brief scoff drifts from the burned man's lips and he tilts his head to the side, one shoulder lifting towards his jaw in a derisive gesture.]
Fraid we're gonna disagree again. Cause I'm lookin forward to dumpin his charred corpse in front of his father, just to see the expression on that thing's face as his perfect creation goes up in flames.
[an actual family? bullshit. they never had an "actual" family even from the start. only a cruel experiment driven by one man's insane ambitions.]
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I didn't "give up" on anything. I hurt him as badly as I could. It just so happened my feelings towards the person I wanted revenge on changed more than I ever could have imagined once we were both in Deerington and then here.
[Namely, he'd fallen in love with Obi-Wan, something he'd never thought could be possible and yet had happened. Emotions were weird like that. Between that and being forced to admit his real target was forever out of reach, there had been little point in continuing his revenge.
What Dabi said about killing his brother did make Maul blink in clear surprise. He turned to more closely look at Dabi.]
You'd kill your brother just to spite your father and cause him more pain? Truly?
[There wasn't much Dabi had said which had fazed Maul or caused him to look at the man in a different sort of light. After all, their mindsets on how to approach things were very similar and it was clear to Maul that Dabi was on the side of darkness just as he was.
But killing his own brother? That was something else and it showed in his tone. There was clear judgment and disapproval there.
Maul knew with certainty that even if revenge on his master had been assured if his brother was dead, he never could have paid such a high price. Savage mean everything to Maul and he never could have brought himself to bring him harm.]
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So ya let this place change you, huh. [at the same time, considering death doesn't stick in trench, and assumedly the one before, "revenge" of the fatal nature was pointless here. he'll have to give maul that.] Good thing ya won't take any of that shit with ya when you go home.
[maul'll be back on track with his revenge and none of these "feelings" bullshit will have pushed him off course. after all the man's said, dabi rather wanted him to get his paybacks. life's more satisfying that way for people like them. thing is, most all emotions are always a hobbling weakness. best discard them if possible; the lucky ones have the decision made for them.
blue eyes slide to the corners of his eyelids. oh? maul's looking at him closely and the villain eyes him with a flicker of amusement but also guard. people who talk feelings and caring tend to get... stupid when it comes to this. protesting, protection, sticking their nose in business that isn't theirs out of some moral high ground, etc.]
Aa. I spent years thinking of how best I could ruin him in the worst way possible. Killin him wasn't good enough. [dabi sits up off the tree, bringing his hands out to gesture with his words.] I realized, I'd have to take away everythin he ever held dear to him, destroy his reputation, his legacy, his name, his ambitions. [a fist curls, eyes widening in delight over his thoughts.] That prized puppet masterpiece he created is the pinnacle of his dreams and ambitions. Everythin he couldn't do, he placed upon my little brother's shoulders. [one arm casts to the side in a dramatic presentation.] Won't it be amazin to see the look on his face when he watches the one thing he ever gave a shit about breakin apart into ashes in the arms of the failed experiment that he rejected as nothing? I'll burn it all to the ground! Until that thing's got nothing left to live for! His friends, his family, his colleagues, that damn society that still sees him as a fuckin hero-! I'll tear everythin out of him with my own hands!
[killing his own brother? of course he'd do that. he'd almost killed his other brother before, when the villain he sent to take out endeavor instead targeted natsuo as a shield and threat for the great hero. damn shame he hadn't succeeded. they didn't mean anything to him. his mother, his sister, his brothers, all relegated to little more than venues to torture and torment his father. dabi no longer cared about their lives, only whether they'd hurt endeavor more though their life or death. the same went for the man's fellow heroes and even those kids he took on as interns. every connection endeavor made, dabi intended to destroy all of them. everything he looked on with pride and considered precious, he'll take from him.
and anyone who got in his way would end up on the same pyre, one more life sacrificed to endeavor's burning flames. another bright future burned up in the mad dash towards hell itself.]
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I didn't let anything or anyone change me. [His voice was as hard and unyielding as the red kyber crystals that made up his saberstaff.] I chose to change because I wanted to. No one forced me to do this. I simply learned the hard lesson that it was better for me to change than to end up miserable and broken by continuing down a path that would lead nowhere but self-destruction.
[It had taken Maul a long, long time to learn that and in some ways he was still unlearning all the bad habits ingrained into him which had been put there after a lifetime of being raised by Sidious. But he was doing this now purely because he wanted to be this way. Others had helped him find his way, but ultimately, he was on his own when it came to choosing a different way to live his life.
Maul listened, and by the Force, didn't that all sound familiar? The idea of one son being the golden child, the one all the attention was focused on while the other was forgotten about? That had been the dynamic with Maul and Savage when it came to their mother. Much as Maul hated to admit it, his mother had been wrong to do that to her middle child. Savage had been brilliant in his own way but all Talzin could see was a disappointment, a son who wasn't nearly as strong either physically or with the Force as his older brother was.]
The heir and the spare....
[He murmured, more to himself than to Dabi. He got it, he really did. But as he heard Dabi continue he shook his head. He thought about shutting up and staying quiet. But it had never been in Maul's nature not to voice his opinion when he had one. So he turned to look at Dabi. There was a curious emotion in Maul's eyes and in his tone. It was pity.]
You know I feel sorry for you. You're so blinded by the idea of your revenge you can't see any other way to live your life. You still think clinging to the idea of causing him misery and pain is the only way to be, acting as if you don't have a choice in the matter. There are other ways, better ones that would give you happiness instead of just spreading pain to others
[He wouldn't listen. Maul already knew that because in the same position Maul hadn't listened to people who had told the same thing to him. But at the very least he could voice the idea. Perhaps Dabi would come back to it later on.]
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Uh-huh. Then why'd ya change? [the grin on his lips is smooth as a knife's edge, nudging at the old scar as if debating on whether to push in or leave it alone. but he is curious... blue eyes linger on maul's face as he answers, remaining as impassive as always. simply listening.] Is that so.... Ya sure it wasn't cause you realized ya weren't gonna succeed? That's called givin up, Maul.
[there's no malice in his voice or even mocking judgement. merely stating what it is. a man who lived for revenge doesn't "change" cause he realized revenge leads to the exact result he knows it's going to end up in. he changes cause he can't handle the burden of hatred's cost.] Ya sound like Shouto. That little brat didn't have the strength to keep goin either.
[it wasn't only dabi who suffered at the hands of his father. they all had. his entire family. shouto had hated endeavor too, to the point of living his life so consumed with spiting his father... ah, that's his brother's story to tell. but he gave up, influenced by some idiot. what a pathetic child. so naive. he really thinks their father can change. dabi scoffs silently at the notion as he leans back against the tree, not bothered by maul's ire. or his familiarity.]
Yeah. [not entirely a picture-perfect summary, but it'll work for now. the muttered words were more for the zabrak than for dabi, so he opts not to dig into them. calming down from that momentary murderous glee, the burned man's flames cool to a simmer rather than raging around in his tirade of hatred. man it'd felt good to say those things though. not many people here earned the right to hear dabi's ambitions. maul's one of the few he's voiced this too.
unfortunately, based on what they've already spoken about in the library and here, the villain's aware of what's coming next. someone who gave up on his revenge, changed his mind about his hateful ambitions, and spoke of protecting someone else while angered over the injustice experienced... ironic, but those little leaks of "heroism" in maul's words and ideals are enough for dabi to pin him with the same flag of preparation that he gets around other heroic types. there won't be encouragement from maul, there won't be much in the way of understanding. instead...
yeah. just some hypocritical damnation.
dabi arches his back and runs his fingers through his hair on either side of his head, dragging the spikes backwards as he stretches his spine and chest. one part to get comfortable, the other part to semi-literally brush maul's pitying gaze right off his flesh. not something he needs or cares for. it's far too late for pity.]
Fraid so. [and settles back on the trunk.] Nah, there ain't any other way. I don't do much on "feelins" anymore. Inside or out. [dabi reaches up and deliberately nudges his thumb against the stapled patch of purple scarring under his eye. a push harder and one of the metal pieces tugs against his skin, splitting the burn from the fresh and allowing the man to slide the tip of his thumb under his own burned flesh.] I'm burnin up, Maul. Just a charred corpse runnin on fumes. I didn't go into this thinkin I'd come out and live some happy life. Ain't that stupid. We're goin to hell together, him and me. And I'll drag anyone else I can or need to along with me to make sure that happens when I go.
[there was no other option. either he lives his pathetic life long enough to watch his existence amount to nothing more than a zero sum. or he goes out in a blaze, leaving his mark on the world and taken the man who killed him out with him. a man on borrowed time, running headlong towards his own death.
there's no "happiness" in that kind of life.]
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I never gave up. I merely came to several realizations that made it impossible to continue my revenge. One of them was realizing that the true target of my rage would forever be beyond my grasp. I'd spent my life blaming the wrong person because it was easier for me than admitting the one I should have been going after was beyond my grasp. It would be as if you kept going solely after your brother rather than your father simply because it was easier to do so.
[Best to put it in terms that related back to Dabi himself, though he knew he'd likely get mocked for that as well. It was difficult to tell people part of the reason he'd stopped something that had fueled him for fifteen years of his life. Supposedly good people only focused on the "revenge" part and those who understood the revenge part didn't understand the "giving up on it" part. It was a no-win situation really.
Of course, the other half was falling in love with the Jedi, but that was far too personal to be telling someone he'd had all of two conversations with. He'd barely even told that to people he'd known for years at this point.
Maul shook his head in response to Dabi laying out what he wanted from his own life.]
It's a shame you have so little worth for your own life. That all you see in your future is a means to an end where you're dead.
[Being on the outside looking in at someone else's desire for revenge was an odd sort of feeling. Now he understood why it had taken people so long and been so hard for them to get through to him. Even then, in the end it hadn't been anyone else saying anything that had gotten through to Maul, it had to be his own realization that led to him finally instigating the change.
So he knew it would have to be with Dabi.]
But if that's what you want, far be it from me to try to dissuade you. I know already no one can turn one from a path such as that of revenge once they've chosen to walk it.
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Ain't gonna blame ya for bein logical and choosin to live. [the zabrak realized (or decided) he wasn't strong enough to achieve his revenge and so gave up on it in the end, regardless of who he was aiming at being misplaced or not.] But that still means ya gave up cause you couldn't see it through. Otherwise, you would've died goin for it, success or not. [dabi's eyes linger on maul's, brilliant turquoise clashing with the fiery orange and red.] You decided it wasn't worth your life. [perhaps he decided his life wasn't worth failing? dabi doesn't claim to know. though it explains that maul surrendered his revenge out of a more logical reason rather than being pathetic. modicum of respect for knowing his limits, he guesses.]
I ain't an idiot. There are people I don't got any business goin against cause I won't win. And I've walked away from plenty of those fights. [as strong as dabi's quirk is, he'd never win against all might or all for one. hell, he even backed out of the fight against gigantomachia simply because the beast charged through his flames and dabi realized he'd get hurt trying to go a second round at him. hell yeah he bailed on the league. wasn't his problem. he had more important things to sacrifice his body towards. that said... dabi knows his goal is well within reach and possibility. he doesn't have maul's limitations.]
I never had worth in my life. Any reason or purpose for my existence vanished the moment that little puppet was born. I was created for one ambition only and I wasn't enough for it. So he was created to replace me. [his voice is conversational, as if regaling someone with a brief summary of the weather, but maul's probably smart enough to know there's a lot under that charred surface. dabi doesn't feel much anymore, emotions or feelings, so it's easy to talk about this without flaring up.] My death will be the only evidence I ever lived.
[and after what he told maul a moment ago, that "death" included all the revenge and hatred dabi came at the world with. a blazing inferno that was willing to engulf everyone and everything on his mad path towards destroying his father. he had no intention of dying until all of that was pinned in place as "success" by his own damn corpse. a most fulfilling demise.]
Smart man. I ain't a fan of people tryin to tell me what to do. Had enough of that growin up.
[dabi tilts his head to the side, cracking his neck, before digging into a pocket on his coat and dragging out a piece of dried meat. unwraps it and tears a chunk off with his teeth, then wordlessly flops his arm to the side to offer the jerky to maul.]
So what happened to your legs? Your footsteps are heavier than a normal person's.
[it was easy to tell in the library when maul walked.]
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Wrap?
almost
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we can wrap on their conversation whenver ya like~
👍
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