deercountry | 'cause I live for the fire

[When darkbloods start having a problem with psychometry, Palamedes doesn't notice it's happening other than a strange sort of uptick in how invasive his own has been. To have an ability that is sometimes purely involuntary has always been a reality, a fussy inconvenience whittled down with time and practice and polish into something that only sometimes punches him clean in the face with memories and feelings that aren't his own.

So he has that going for him, as teaching this to somebody else goes. Sixth psychometry is shaded with necromancy and so not quite one-to-one with, as far as he can tell, the unfiltered and untethered nature of the darkblood version, but the ideas are the same.

He's gathered a handful of things to set on the tiny, book-crowded kitchen table and explained none of them: a notebook and several pens, what appears to be a wind-up toy shaped like 'thing on wheels,' several of the odd ceramic figures appearing around down that he pointedly leaves clustered to themselves, and a mug with a cartoon squid drawn on it (Viktor's, famously full of tequila at the fireworks party). Here goes.]

That's— almost a decent approximation, sure. It's not like a conversation; you can't reason with the ghost-within-a-thing, which I'm sure you've figured out. [a little gesture from where he is fiddling with something across the room, which turns out to be a pair of gloves he brings over to sit folded neatly alongside the other things.] They're not even all ghosts.

[But he does talk to objects out of habit, that's true. He sits, arranging his mystery objects in a neat row, besides the cloister of weird dolls, which is for later.]

In my experience, there's no 'off switch.' Gloves can dull the immediacy and sometimes the urgency, but strong enough residual energies— from someone's memory or feelings— are going to get through, anyway. Still, you can have this pair, just in case. Let's start at the beginning: can you tell me what it's like for you when it "all comes in"?

Edited 2022-06-02 10:54 (UTC)

[Kaworu already has a headache. And so he tries to take everything that Palamedes is saying in, but he thinks he just ends up blinking foolishly at most of it. But the basics have come through at least: these are thoughts and feelings of others, coming through via the objects that mean or meant something to them.]

Like standing under a waterfall. It all comes in at once. It's not ordered in time or space. It's... driven by their feelings.

[He nods, accepting the metaphorical explanation like it's very good and technical, actually. Psychometry is not a very precise science, after all, laboring as it does under the lingering impact of emotion, of memory.

So actually, Kaworu is doing great, and Palamedes gives him a little smile and a nod like a proper schoolteacher impressed with his maths, or what-have-you.]

Good; you're understanding the basics. Emotion can sear the energy of a thing, more or less; usually, the more recent emotions will sit on top, but not every time.

[He picks up a pen and uses it to nudge the wheeled toy closer to Kaworu, so he doesn't spoil it overmuch with his own emotions.]

This is Rio's, you know, Viktor's omen? The lizard. Try reading this; I promise, it's only good things. Easy to get used to.

[It is in fact full of Happy Big Lizard Moments, because that's how Rio lives her life: enjoying wheeled toys and trapping Palamedes under her giant head when she's done with the former.]

It seems like whatever is strongest rises to the top, regardless of when it happened. Powerful emotions leave powerful scars.

[That's perhaps a dark way to look at it but he doesn't necessarily mean it as only a bad thing. Humans are driven by their most powerful emotions, so it would make sense that that is what they would leave behind if one could see the traces of feelings once felt in a space.

He reaches over to touch the toy, his own fond feelings rising to the surface as he thinks about Shinji-kun in his little wagon. Perhaps Rio would also like a wagon...?]

I like to think of them as 'records'. 'Trace' is too soft.

[And "scars" is kind of dark, yeah, implied. Kaworu can call it whatever he likes, but in the interest of sharing this thing: records.

He shuts up though, after that, to wait for Kaworu to experience the toy. It's another rush of emotion and visions, clearer for how few of them and how fresh they are: being nudged around by the snout here in the bunker, bumping repeatedly into Palamedes' leg while he very earnestly tries to continue working; in the grass outside, abandoned on a tilt while Rio chases a bird around; then the simple feelings of fun and warm, all over the place until Kaworu is tired of it and lets go.

Palamedes waits, then,] So?

[Kaworu takes the little toy and holds it in his hands like he's holding something precious to him. Like something he's been fond of since childhood or a special gift.]

I can feel how much it's liked by Rio. It's full of fondness and play.

Good. That one's easier to handle; it's new and she loves it, not much left to overwhelm with. Now—

[He flips open the notebook to draw a little web-looking thing, almost, a center dot with strings coming out at a few angles. He taps this with the end of the pen.]

You've seen all of it, so now you can practice 'filtering'. Try and focus on just one of the parts, one of the strands, like this; and make it clearer. Ignore the rest.

[Kaworu inhales and closes his eyes as he takes the wagon into his hands once more. He concentrates on his favorite memory: the one of being pushed all around and the joy that it brought.

For a second, the motion feels so real, like he can feel the sensation of someone nudging him forward and the thrill of of being moved.

Then... all the rest start to come back. Dripping in like a leak in the ceiling. And he's drawn to it, like he is all these strange and wondrous feelings.

He cracks open an eye.]

It worked for a bit. But I can't stop thinking about the other feelings.

Edited 2022-06-11 01:30 (UTC)

That's how it goes. You can't make all of it go away forever, unless you let go. Learning to focus for longer is going to be on you, and I don't mean that to be dismissive; your best method might not be the same as mine.

[He shrugs, like, this is actually probably a given, because he is a weird nerd and Kaworu is a teenage angel.]

I used to count things, before I had better control. Unrelated things in the background, so I wouldn't get distracted.

'cause I live for the fire | June Catch-all

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