deercountry | i couldn't stand the person inside me, i turned all the mirrors around

who: kylo ren + you
what: intro and settling in
where: throughout
when: June, around tdm time

I.

Kylo Ren doesn't cope well with being displaced as he is. Not when the Force around him feels... strange. Not quite as full of life, perhaps dull and muted is the word to use? He doesn't know -- he's gotten the introduction, read the leaflet, listened to the chatter on the beach he'd woken up in a body that felt just ever so slightly off. Like a pair of trousers that once fit but needed to be adjusted for whatever reason.

Now that that disorientation had passed, he picked up the bag of his belongings: a sodden cape, leather gloves, the hilt (which goes on his belt) and the broken pieces of the mask (which he nearly throws back into the ocean upon finding them), and moves throughout the city. For a man so tall, and dressed all in black his attempts at blending in might seem somewhat laughable, as does his not-so-sunny disposition, a scowl that seems almost etched onto his features.

He brushes through the crowd without much of a word or pleasantry to anyone.

And force help anyone who wants to catch his eye.

II. (nightmares)

The way Kylo has always avoided the nightmares and memories that typically plague his sleep? Work and train himself into exhaustion, until his mind is too tired to dream at all. Normally, it works well enough, he can function and behave normally - or as normally as Kylo Ren does. Here, without a purpose or cause to cling to, he feels a bit... lost. And it's simpler to lose track, so he begins to have nightmares. Violent, and vivid. Plunging his lightsaber through his father's heart, the way his uncle had stared down at him, and his only friend -- Tai, being cut down by Ren.

It doesn't only happen during the night, but in the day as well. He pulls himself out of a dream, standing straight where he'd nearly slumped over where he stood to shake the dust out of his mind.

"Don't bother. I don't require any assistance." He says to any single onlooker or one attempting to reach him.

III. (wildcard)

want to continue something from the TDM? Or something else entirely. Go for it. You can dm to chat or hit me up on plurk @ dyads to discuss plans!

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[ continued from here ]

[ So, before Palpatine declared himself the Emperor, before the rise of Vader. Kylo swallows. There's so much he could tell her, he wants her to know who he is, to get to know who she was beyond the history files he'd found, but... he's not. Well. ]

Kylo Ren.

If you have questions, about... the future, I could answer them.

[ oh right, the doll. He holds up a hand where there is a doll shaped teeth mark in contrast against his skin, but he takes the thing and simply throws it. Problem solved? ]

I have heard some of what happens.

[The fall of the Republic and the rise of the Empire. The Jedi. Palpatine. ... her own imminent death. Padmé knew that it wasn't decades that she had left, and likely not even years, at least in the larger plural sense.]

You've an interest in politics, or history?

[As he had known her name.]

More so the later than the former.

[ It's an honest answer, one Kylo almost leaves as it is. But he's continuing before he's even stopped himself. ]

My mother was a Senator. Chandrilla. I spent some of my first years hiding behind her skirts during her meetings. Perhaps she'd hoped I'd follow in her footsteps.

[ It's the most candidly he's ever spoken of Leia Organa and an honest fact about his childhood in literal years, but he's giving Padme this bit of knowledge of their life, without telling her who they are. It's as much as he can do, for now at least. ]

As I grew older I became engrossed with the history of the Republic, and it's fall.

I fear my parents likely would have preferred that I followed in their footsteps as well instead of politics.

[Then again, most politicians might not lead as eventful lives as Padmé. For better or for worse, she had painted a target on her back for standing up for what she believes. It won't stop and she won't change in that regard. No, Padmé would always stand firm in her beliefs and ideals.]

But you've heard of Mon Mothma then?

[They might not always see eye to eye, and they certainly did approach things differently, but they do share similar goals in the Republic. Her eyes do flicker though, glancing off. History of the Republic, and it's fall. Is it akin to ancient history for him? Something that isn't even a distant memory, as he wouldn't even have been born?]

It is a little strange to think about... I know it happens, but knowing and living it are two different things.

You enacted a lot of change in the time you were in power, you are remembered fondly by the people of Naboo.

[ ... ]

I've heard of her, yes. Last that I recall, she's been retired for a few years now.

[ Kylo has maybe only met the woman, back when he was young; by the time the First Order rose she was already gone. The government weakened by the acts of the New Republic that she helped build, giving way for them to come in when the iron was cooled. It's not a pleasant thought, in presence of Padme and he couldn't quite put his finger on why. It wasn't shame, he knew what he was doing - it was what he had to do, and yet... Kylo wondered if she would be disappointed. In him. If she knew it all.

And he just wanted to get to know more about her, before it came to that. ]

I can imagine.

[Her expression softens. She had never done anything that she had done for recognition, but that doesn't mean that having it is a small thing. Padmé had simply wanted to leave the galaxy a better place than when she started, although it's arguable whether it is... While it has not happened, she knows that the war has not ended how she thought it would.]

Thank you, for that.

[Although it is no less strange to hear that she has retired. Time is a funny thing here, and even if Padmé knows it is all over, there are some things that are still frozen in time for her. Retirement for herself had seemed so far off, and Padmé honestly isn't certain if she wouldn't have remained until she was old and grey, had she been given the chance.]

But no doubt seeing someone from the pages of history is no less surprising.

[Her expression softens. She had never done anything that she had done for recognition, but that doesn't mean that having it is a small thing. Padmé had simply wanted to leave the galaxy a better place than when she started, although it's arguable whether it is... While it has not happened, she knows that the war has not ended how she thought it would.]

Thank you, for that.

[Although it is no less strange to hear that she has retired. Time is a funny thing here, and even if Padmé knows it is all over, there are some things that are still frozen in time for her. Retirement for herself had seemed so far off, and Padmé honestly isn't certain if she wouldn't have remained until she was old and grey, had she been given the chance.]

No doubt seeing someone from the pages of history is no less surprising.

[ Kylo nods, giving her the faintest of smiles, just the briefest quirk of his lips. He can see much of his own mother in her, though it had been a long time since he'd been in her presence. Not since he'd barely come up to her chest. It brings up longing and a desire to see who he'd since tried to leave in his past, behind.

That's not something he can have. He offers another nod, he needs to leave before he says something and reveals too much. ]

You can certainly say that.

It has been a pleasure to meet you, Senator. I hope our paths will cross here again.

If you ever need a hand with anything, please, feel free to reach out.

[Even if she couldn't help, she would still try to.]

Even if it is just to chat.

i couldn't stand the person inside me, i turned all the mirrors around

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