deercountry | october catch-all [ota]

Entry tags:

october catch-all [ota]

Who: Clarisse + anyone!
What: October catch-all
When: Throughout the month
Where: Two prompts that are out in town + one for just the house

Content Warnings: Just The Depression™

01 | loneliness kills [ota]

[ At first, Clarisse thinks she's hallucinating. It seems like the natural progression to whatever's been happening to her head since she came to Trench. First the unbearable tense energy, and then the onset of migraines and the whispy white figures she can sometimes catch in the corner of her vision, and now... walking corpses. Sure, makes sense. Except the corpse doesn't go away. It walks steadily behind whoever's approaching her, glassy eyed and silent.

The corpse doesn't seem violent, which is the only thing that keeps her from attacking it, but her entire body tenses up like a cat waiting to pounce, and she's staring at whoever is making their way toward her. Or, more accurately, she's staring at the dead thing behind whoever is making their way toward her. ]

You... there's... [ Finally, lacking the right words to explain what she's seeing, she resorts to pointing a finger. ] Dead person.

02 | ~~welcome to the black parade~~ [ota]

[ Even misanthropic migraine sufferers need to leave the house every once in a while.

Clarisse is standing near the shop window of Shape of Blood, where she's been ogling a set of knives, and trying to avoid taking a strange mask in the shape of a monster's face from a native. They've clearly just explained something to her, because she's shaking her head. ]

I don't need protection. Ugh—seriously, I don't—back off!

[ Looks like someone isn't planning on showing up for the parade this month. ]

03 [closed to housemates]

[ Clarisse is lying on the couch, curled up and facing inward, her back to the room. At first she might seem to be asleep, but if someone enters the room, she twists the slightest bit so she can see who's there, before turning back to press her pale face against the cushion.

Her head hurts, all the time. Last month, Luna's potions had eased some of her restless energy, and talking with Bella had helped her feel less crazy, but it's abundantly clear that things have gotten much worse with the onset of October. The pounding behind her eyes, the crushing loneliness of everyone around her. She's suffocating under the weight of it. All she wants to do is sleep and forget about this place, but even when she sleeps, she has a headache. Even in other people's dreams, she's sad.

After a few seconds, when she doesn't hear the person exit the room, Clarisse's shoulders tense. She doesn't lift her face from the cushion, and her voice is muffled when she says, sounding almost defensive, ] What?

04 | wildcard!

[ Wildcard option! Feel free to have your character show up at the house looking for Clarisse (or anyone she lives with, if you'd like her to just be the one to answer the door or something). She'll be pretty much AWOL aside from some very rare appearances this month, but this is one way to catch her. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Clarisse can feel Bella's eyes on her, even before she says anything. After a few seconds, she can't take it anymore, and twists to look at her girlfriend again. ]

Why are you staring at me like that?

[ Again, it's defensive. It's not as if Clarisse can't see what she's doing here, what she's been doing all month. It's not like her at all—the lying around all day shutting out the world isn't like her, anyway—and she knows it isn't fair to any of the people in the house, but especially not to Bella, who's had to bear the brunt of Clarisse's attitude. Mostly because she's the only one in the house Clarisse is actively speaking to right now.

But still, she can't help herself. What's the alternative, go outside and have a headache there? Go to a stupid parade and deal with all the stupid feelings getting shoved in her head without any way to stop it from happening? No. She's better in the house. It's easier in here. ]

[Bella swallows back the temptation to snipe back "like what", because that isn't productive at all. She knows what Clarisse means, and she's doing it on purpose. She'd meant what she said about liking to be in the house -- but that was when everyone in the house was getting along. Not when there was palpable tension between Clarisse and Abby for god knows why.

So she stands there, hands on her hips, feeling...embarrassingly like her dad.] Because you've been in bed for days and you're only talking to me. And only barely.

That's how you get rid of a migraine. [ Lying down in a dark room, right?

She literally has no idea, she's never gotten migraines until now. Besides, lying alone in a dark room makes it easier (or so she thought, anyway) to hide the fact that she's barely been speaking to Abby for the past month. All of a sudden, Clarisse is realizing that when you only live with three other people, it's really fucking hard to hide a thing like that.

Still, she'd been counting on Bella to do what everyone else in the house is doing, and not bring it up or ask about it or even imply that something is wrong. The fact that Bella has apparently hit some kind of wall with her feels like a betrayal. Clarisse's eyes narrow. ]

I didn't know there was some law against not talking to people.

That and going outside, getting fresh air, getting enough to eat or drink... [Bella trails off, then lets out a heavy sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed. She's not mad -- well, she is, but just a little -- she's disappointed, Clarisse.]

There's not. But it's not like you. Did you two have a fight, or...?

[ Clarisse just gives her a look that somehow manages to be both scathing and dead inside. The last thing she wants to do is go outside or eat food. No, just let her rot here, thanks. ]

Nah. [ Clarisse's fingers twist in the blanket she's cocooned herself in, wrapping the fabric until her fingertips go white, then releasing them. ] We didn't have a fight.

[ They didn't really have... anything. Ever since that day with the boat and the ravens, Clarisse has just been avoiding her. ]

[Not happening!! Not when she's the one who does laundry. Washing out the stench of wallowing demigod isn't that easy, okay.]

Okayyyy...? [Bella isn't letting her get away that easy, nudging at the blankety lump with her elbow.] So...why are you pretending you don't know each other?

[ Clarisse bristles at the nudge and shoves the blanket off herself so she can half-sit up and glare at Bella. ]

Who cares, Bella? I'm spending more time with you, right? Shouldn't that be a good thing?

[ Even as she says it, she knows full well that being around her isn't a "good thing" for anybody right now, and that she should really be more appreciative of the fact that Bella has been making her sandwiches and doing her laundry and letting her awful attitude go uncommented on most of the time, but her head is pounding and she hates Trench and everybody is so damn lonely and she feels like she might explode. She's hanging on by the barest of threads, and she can't understand why it seems like nobody else is having the same problem. With being here. With their new powers. Why is it that everybody can just shrug it off and act like it's not so bad? Why? ]

[Bella leans back a little at the sudden movement, eyes widening, eyebrows arching waaay up. She knows the sudden vitriol is likely a result of the town having a weird, awful effect on Clarisse. She knows. But that doesn't mean she likes it.

When she speaks, it's slow, measured, stony.] No, you're not. You aren't spending time with anyone. You're spending time hiding in your room.

[ Her hands are balled into fists, and for several long moments she can only stare at Bella, seemingly torn between going off on some kind of diatribe or bursting into frustrated tears.

Finally, with the last little bit of self control she has, ] I am not hiding. [ She sets her jaw. ] I don't hide.

[Bella looks back, eyebrows scrunched, mouth downturned at the corners.] Then go talk to Abby.

Why should I? [ Her voice comes out shriller than she wants, almost verging on hysterical, especially compared to the composed, stony way Bella's sounds. ] I don't want to talk to her!

[ She feels shamed, like a kid being yelled at by someone older. The way she always felt when some teacher or coach or her mom blamed her whenever something crazy would happen and she'd try to explain but they'd tell her what she saw wasn't real. That her feelings weren't real. And now Bella's doing it to her, and it makes her so pissed off and it makes her hate herself a little, too. So fucking stupid. She'd actually been thinking that the way she'd gone about avoiding Abby instead of making it some huge thing and blowing up at her was... was some kind of improvement on the way she would've handled things even just a year ago, but she can see now that it doesn't matter, because everybody thinks she's wrong anyway. ]

You don't even know what happened, but you obviously think whatever it was, it's my fault, [ she chokes out. ]

[Bella leans back a little at the sudden outburst, eyes widening a little. Then she shakes her head, brow furrowing in concern and confusion.] That -- isn't what I said at all. I don't know what happened, but I know that not talking about it makes things worse.

I don't think it's your fault.

[ Clarisse sucks in air. She feels like she's drowning. It's rolling off her in waves, loneliness and disgust and anger and hurt. She's sure Bella must be able to feel it, too, and it only makes her struggle harder. She wishes she could turn it off. She thinks she'd sacrifice her good feelings, too, if it meant she could shut off everything else.

It feels like forever before she can speak again. She pinches the bridge of her nose, shuts her eyes, forces the words out. ] Something... happened. Before we left Deerington. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to freak you out, [ which is a whole other issue that she hasn't even begun unpacking, ] but Silena... I saw her. She was there. She was dying. It was. Bad.

And Abby saw her, too. So I told her... what happened.

...oh. [Well, Bella certainly has about forty emotions about that. Not freaking out, more...intense concern and indignation that Clarisse didn't tell her, coupled with that weird old anxious envy that everyone has when their partner talks about their previous relationship. But over all that is bewilderment. How had Abby reacted so badly that it resulted in the two not talking?

So:] What...did she say?

[ Clarisse is obviously guilty, squirming and avoiding Bella's eyes. She can feel the weird mix of emotions coming off her, the annoyance and the worry and the jealousy too, and not for the first time she wishes she could shut her blood powers off. It's not fair to Bella that Clarisse can pick up on the feelings she wants to keep private. ]

She didn't say anything bad. She just... helped me. But— [ She bites her bottom lip, worrying it between her teeth. ] I found out later there was stuff she didn't tell me about her life before. She keeps stuff from me. And I didn't realize how much stuff until a few weeks ago.

[ And her feelings are hurt??? She feels like she let herself be vulnerable around somebody and it got thrown back in her face. ]

...oh. [Bella sits back for a moment, taking this in, nodding slowly. She bites at her lower lip in an unconscious echo of Clarisse. She knows Abby -- or, at least, she's getting to know her -- and she knows that she's private, cautious about who she opens up to.

But so is Clarisse. And it's a big deal for Clarisse to show things, especially things that hurt her. So Bella hesitates, ventures:] So, you...felt like you showed her something...really painful and important and she didn't trust you enough to do the same?

[ Of course Bella manages to take all of Clarisse's rambling mumbles and explain them back to her in a way that makes total sense. On the one hand, she's grateful that she doesn't have to reach around and try to come up with the right words to explain herself. On the other, she's annoyed with herself for not just saying it like that in the first place. ]

Yeah. [ Her eyes lower, defensively. ] I know it's stupid.

It's not stupid. [This is said with a very soft sigh.] I'm not saying it's stupid. It...makes sense, doesn't it? When I say it like that?

[Bella, maybe emphasizing that you can say it logically is...not. A good plan.]

[ Oh.

Clarisse had been winding down a bit, starting to feel less angry and upset at the world, and then Bella adds that last sentence and she's right back where she started, feeling attacked for something that she doesn't see as being her fault. Her shoulders stiffen. ]

Okay. Sorry I didn't say it like that. [ She's not actively making air quotes, but it's absolutely implied by her tone. ] Sorry I was trying to talk to my girlfriend instead of have a big fucking therapy session. [ Everyone knows therapy doesn't work, anyway!!! ]

[And this is why Bella is never going to have a career as a counselor, because she just kinda...says stuff. Sometimes it's goofy dumb sappy stuff and sometimes it's just dumb.

She leans back, crossing her arms.] I didn't say you needed to go to therapy. [...but she's implying it!!! Pot, kettle, etc.]

[ HOLD ON...

She hadn't even meant that Bella was implying that she needed therapy, just that Bella was trying to talk to her like a therapist would instead of like a girlfriend. But she knows Bella and she knows the way her body language changes when she's saying something that isn't necessarily true. Like "I didn't say you needed to go to therapy." It's a very specific denial. Suspiciously specific. ]

You think I need therapy?

[Well. Shit.

Bella slowly smooths her hands up and down her legs, trying to find the right words.] I think...everyone would...benefit from, uh. Mental health. Assistance.

[But not Bella, because there are no therapists in either Phoenix or Washington.]

Everyone but you, right?

[ This is the most offensive thing that's ever happened to her. Her face is red, and she feels like she may collapse in on herself like a dying star. Though that doesn't stop her from scoffing at Bella's lame attempt at being diplomatic about the fact that she apparently thinks Clarisse is fucked up in the head. ]

Have you always thought that, or just since we came here?

I didn't say that. [Even if she thinks it. Because what could a therapist do? Say "hmmm, yeah, that sucks" about a bunch of stuff? Bella can do that herself, in the mirror, and not have to pay a bunch of money.

The question gets an angry little huff that makes Bella feel (and look) like a five-year-old.] Thought what? That talking about things might actually help?

You act like it.

[ She sets her jaw, wondering what could possibly help the fact that this place is awful and their powers are awful and they chose to come here. That's the worst part of all. They could talk about it for hours, and it wouldn't change a damn thing. ]

october catch-all [ota]

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