all this work gone to waste

[lipochrome]

Who: gideon nav and cr
What: a july catch-all
When: mid-late july
Where: the beach, cobra kai, gaze

Content Warnings: marked in comment headers, but expect death, grief, corruption, religious and family trauma

Comments

[lipochrome]

I won't leave you.

[ Gideon says, firm and confident for the first time in a while. There's nothing she's been more sure about. ]

I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner. I'm sorry I left you here. [ She gives Kaworu another squeeze. It's a leap of faith, for sure, but she'll catch him. ] You're my family. My real family.

[ She left the liar back at the beach, weak and slick with saltwater. ]

[peripheries]

[He leans into her squeeze, letting her press him against her like they are part of the same, strange organism. The pull of family, real family, is irresistible to him, almost intoxicated.

There was a reason he went back to this house. Why he clung hopes that should have been long buried.]

...I wish family we'd had with Teacher had been real. I liked it.

[lipochrome]

Me, too. [ Gideon buries her face in Kaworu's hair. This hug might be for her even more than it is for him.

She wishes she could just shut the whole world out. That's what hurts, right? She's sick of hurt.

But that's just sealing herself up in a tomb, and Gideon has always hated tombs. ]

I tried to make it real. You did, too. But I don't think he ever did.

[ Gideon pulls away a little, so she can make sure Kaworu sees her looking at him. ]

We're real, though. I'll do whatever you want to prove it to you.

[peripheries]

We weren't good enough for him. He had all of us and he still longed for more. So very human of him.

[He looks up at her, all seven eyes wounded and tired, but they meet hers and they don't look away.]

I'm tired of feeling like not enough.

[lipochrome]

[ Is that human of him? Is that what all this is -- consequences of their biology? It's hard for Gideon to think of the man who became God as someone who could still be a man. He's something beyond that. Something that neither she nor Kaworu can grasp. ]

We're never going to be enough. Not for him.

[ The feeling of someone grabbing Gideon's shoulders. Of an urgent reminder, when she needed it most. ]

You're enough for me. [ She reaches for Kaworu's shoulders, hoping to give him a grounding squeeze. ] You're part of my family. I can prove it to you.

[ So prove it, dumbass, Gideon tells herself. It won't take too many words. ]

There's... a ritual we could do. People call it a bond.

[peripheries]

[And for Kaworu, to want is to be human. Adam wanted for nothing. Nor did Lilith. They simply did. It was humans who found them and made them gods in their own minds. Therefore, Teacher is very much human. And humans are more painful than gods. They are calculated and cruel.]

You want to bond with... me?

[He says "me" like it's something dark, something shameful, like the idea of anyone wanting to tie themselves to him is a fantasy not even he can summon.

It's something that he's kept behind doors, locked in a little box, hidden in shadows in hopes that even he will forget about it.]

[lipochrome]

With you.

[ Said gently, like something precious. Something too good for her, that she's not sure she deserves.

Gideon knows what he means, though. It's the way she says her own name, too -- like something filthy. It's weird, hearing it from someone else. Gideon has gotten so used to needing to prove her worth to others that she's forgotten other people can feel worthless. ]

You know what it's like. To be... [ There's no words for it, but she trusts Kaworu to understand. ] ...trapped. Their thing, not their person.

But we're not things. [ Gideon's voice grows stronger, more resolved. ] That's what they want us to think. We're brother and sister.

[peripheries]

[He presses his face into her shoulder, affirming that she's there, that despite confusion and pain, they're connecting. Can still connect. Still want to connect. Delicate hearts break like glass and yet the pieces are picked up and it tries to love again.]

I was raised all my life to be a thing. I never liked it. [He huffs, softly, through his nose. Thinking of being surrounded by men who didn't look at him but observed him instead.]

I prefer being your brother.

[lipochrome]

Wow, a high bar.

[ Gideon teases, directed at herself and not at him. This just in: being Gideon's sibling is better than being a science project! Someone ought to tell Palamedes.

Still, to be clear: ]

I like being your sister, too. [ Gideon gives his hair a little ruffle, now that he's pressed so close to her. He's trapped, even! He can never escape! ]

We'll need supplies, I think. To do the ritual. Wanna come help me look?