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deercountry2021-10-08 06:14 pm
reddosmod) wrote in deercountry2021-10-08 06:14 pm
Entry tags:
- *event,
- abby anderson: c,
- anakin skywalker: michele,
- ange ushiromiya: jelle,
- anna amarande: celene,
- ariadne: wizera,
- catra: pink,
- childe: bean,
- diluc ragnvindr: samuel,
- faolan: teresa,
- fern: pan,
- flynn fairwind: teresa,
- goro akechi: kei,
- izuku "deku" midoriya: tea,
- kaeya alberich: daisy,
- katherine pierce: jade,
- kd6-3.7: moz,
- lance: charley,
- luke skywalker: skyla,
- lumine: trix,
- luna lovegood: cheryl,
- luz noceda: pedro,
- manabu yuuki: elle,
- mebh og mactire: oggy,
- nehan: ray,
- orpheus: qv,
- peter graham: jhey,
- ryan akagi: billie sue,
- savage opress: vette,
- soldier blue: elle,
- stiles stilinski: charley,
- the medicine seller: greenrivers,
- tsume: shade,
- usagi tsukino: jax,
- varian: tf,
- wanda maximoff: jade,
- wei wuxian: tohma,
- willow rosenberg: lucy,
- winter schnee: mesi,
- wu: mads,
- yuri lowell: mads
Because one day, I'll leave you a phantom
OCTOBER 2021 EVENT
IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Prompt One
[Image One: Band playing on moving float with people in masks walking behind.]
[Image Two: Woman in gas mask and elaborate ballgown.]
Prompt Two
[Image One: Man looking away while creepy corpse-like woman puts hand on window.]
[Image Two: Two contorted girls crawling across floor with blood flowing out.]
Prompt Three
[Image One: Headless horseman with jack-o-lantern rearing on horse.]
[Image Two: Annabelle doll rocking on its own in chair.]
WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE
LONELINESS KILLS: THE CURSE OF CLOVERFIELD
LEGENDS OF TRENCH
CODINGPrompt One
[Image One: Band playing on moving float with people in masks walking behind.]
[Image Two: Woman in gas mask and elaborate ballgown.]
Prompt Two
[Image One: Man looking away while creepy corpse-like woman puts hand on window.]
[Image Two: Two contorted girls crawling across floor with blood flowing out.]
Prompt Three
[Image One: Headless horseman with jack-o-lantern rearing on horse.]
[Image Two: Annabelle doll rocking on its own in chair.]
WHEN: During the daytime every day of October
WHERE: Throughout the streets of Cellar Door and Willful Machine.
CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A
WHERE: Throughout the streets of Cellar Door and Willful Machine.
CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A
The Black Parade has begun in Trench. You will begin to see residents painting skulls and monsters onto their faces, even the ones who abide by practical lifestyles. By the first week of October, you won't see a single resident of Trench without facepaint or a mask of some kind obscuring their face.
"It's for the Black Parade," they say, "It's to keep us safe. You should start painting your face too. You should disguise yourself so they can't find you."
Who, you might ask? Anyone dangerous. It's vague and unsettling, but you think maybe they are onto something. Call it intuition or basic common sense. Stalls pop up all around Trench selling cheap masks and costumes. They aren't exactly Halloween costumes. There's less of a focus on becoming something and more of a focus on looking different than you currently do.
Then the Black Parade really takes off. Black and white confetti seem to fall from the sky and you can hear the distant sound of trumpets and drums. You can feel the earth give small tremors and Trenchies begin to flock to Cellar Door and the Willful Machine. They line the streets and you can see why: a literal parade is coming through. Stages are set with talented musicians rocking out, singing into wireless, floating moonlit mics. Incredible, giant puppets walk through the streets guided by a dozen talented Architects. Other people move about in stilted costumes, elaborate gowns. Some performers set up small, stationary areas to perform for smaller crowds. The sky is filled with massive and unusual kites. Find one among the many stalls or make your own!
Stalls hand out candied applies, foil-wrapped candies, and roasted pumpkin seeds by the bundles. Hot ciders are kept in barrels ready to be served up in tin mugs, with or without alcohol. It's a festive atmosphere that seems to go nonstop 24/7 throughout October but exclusively in these areas. It's a good place to go to avoid some of the haunts of October and to have a good time. Why not get involved? Make your own puppet, float, or costumes, and join in the fun. Chunks of the road are reserved for parades, but others have been sectioned off for people to dance and mingle about. You quickly learn that face-paint and masked/concealed faces seem to be a good way of avoiding the attention of beasts, angry Pthumerians, and other unusual creatures in Trench.
It's not a foolproof method, but October largely celebrates the safety of ambiguity and is one of the few times the practical and pleasure factions get along. Get your face painted up or pick out a costume - it's both aesthetic and life-saving! The Black Parade is held annually every October all October long and is considered a significant Trench holiday. Many people refer to the costumes specifically as "Black Parade" costumes and sentiments commonly exchanged at this time include: Have a blessed and safe Blood Moon; May your Seasons pass unseen; Bless the many faces of cleverness; May you go unseen by the blood; Blessed Black Parade.
QUICK FACTS
1. Halloween costumes you can buy at the store won't be available unless a character intentionally makes one. Most of the costumes in Trench are more or less eccentric make-up looks and unusual masks. They look a lot more like Cirque du Soleil costumes than Halloween costumes.
2. Characters can have multiple costume/face-paint/mask changes throughout the month. No one will be forced into these - but it is strongly, culturally encouraged for everyone's safety to dress up!
"It's for the Black Parade," they say, "It's to keep us safe. You should start painting your face too. You should disguise yourself so they can't find you."
Who, you might ask? Anyone dangerous. It's vague and unsettling, but you think maybe they are onto something. Call it intuition or basic common sense. Stalls pop up all around Trench selling cheap masks and costumes. They aren't exactly Halloween costumes. There's less of a focus on becoming something and more of a focus on looking different than you currently do.
Then the Black Parade really takes off. Black and white confetti seem to fall from the sky and you can hear the distant sound of trumpets and drums. You can feel the earth give small tremors and Trenchies begin to flock to Cellar Door and the Willful Machine. They line the streets and you can see why: a literal parade is coming through. Stages are set with talented musicians rocking out, singing into wireless, floating moonlit mics. Incredible, giant puppets walk through the streets guided by a dozen talented Architects. Other people move about in stilted costumes, elaborate gowns. Some performers set up small, stationary areas to perform for smaller crowds. The sky is filled with massive and unusual kites. Find one among the many stalls or make your own!
Stalls hand out candied applies, foil-wrapped candies, and roasted pumpkin seeds by the bundles. Hot ciders are kept in barrels ready to be served up in tin mugs, with or without alcohol. It's a festive atmosphere that seems to go nonstop 24/7 throughout October but exclusively in these areas. It's a good place to go to avoid some of the haunts of October and to have a good time. Why not get involved? Make your own puppet, float, or costumes, and join in the fun. Chunks of the road are reserved for parades, but others have been sectioned off for people to dance and mingle about. You quickly learn that face-paint and masked/concealed faces seem to be a good way of avoiding the attention of beasts, angry Pthumerians, and other unusual creatures in Trench.
It's not a foolproof method, but October largely celebrates the safety of ambiguity and is one of the few times the practical and pleasure factions get along. Get your face painted up or pick out a costume - it's both aesthetic and life-saving! The Black Parade is held annually every October all October long and is considered a significant Trench holiday. Many people refer to the costumes specifically as "Black Parade" costumes and sentiments commonly exchanged at this time include: Have a blessed and safe Blood Moon; May your Seasons pass unseen; Bless the many faces of cleverness; May you go unseen by the blood; Blessed Black Parade.
QUICK FACTS
1. Halloween costumes you can buy at the store won't be available unless a character intentionally makes one. Most of the costumes in Trench are more or less eccentric make-up looks and unusual masks. They look a lot more like Cirque du Soleil costumes than Halloween costumes.
2. Characters can have multiple costume/face-paint/mask changes throughout the month. No one will be forced into these - but it is strongly, culturally encouraged for everyone's safety to dress up!
WHEN: October
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Psychological-based curse, feelings of intense loneliness, mental health.
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Psychological-based curse, feelings of intense loneliness, mental health.
It is said that the Blood Moon reminds Cloverfield of those he has lost over the decades. They say that the howling wind is actually the sound of Cloverfield's cries and there seems to be some truth to that. He can be seen wandering the Farther Shores and watching the moon. If you seek out Cloverfield and offer him comfort and companionship, he will bless you with a worn picture of a loved one or someone you miss desperately or even just a place you miss...Even if it's impossible for such a picture to exist.
Of course, not everyone will visit Cloverfield. Cloverfield's loneliness begins to curse the city of Trench. Sleepers will be impacted the most heavily as their blood will directly react to this curse. Sleepers who have a good sense of relationship may be able to avoid the curse, but those who often feel lonely or homesick will start to feel worse and worse as the days go by.
Eventually, their loneliness begins to manifest as a corpse-like version of themselves or the person they care about most. This corpse follows them around everywhere like a shadow. You won't notice your own Loneliness, but other people might, especially palebloods, Night Walkers, and Disciples. These corpses don't seem to care about anything or anyone and at first don't seem violent...But eventually, this Loneliness becomes consuming.
Once it does, you too will contort, and you and your Loneliness will soon be crawling about on all fours, blood floating out of you in thin streams. You'll be lost to your feelings of loneliness, stalking the streets with your Loneliness, looking for companionship. Of course, you're completely corrupt at this point, so your version of finding companionship most likely involves accidentally suffocating someone or other violent actions. Some people may never become violent once they are in the Final Stage, but the blood constantly flowing from them will create heavy blood pollution and may draw in far more dangerous creatures. You really don't want Lonely People walking around!
Better start some conversations - even if these Lonely People are creepy as hell. But, then again, they are just lonely. Hopefully, you will find peace of mind and find your people. Hopefully, you will banish loneliness...For the time being.
QUICK FACTS
1. This curse will impact people who are more isolated than others. Interaction with other people or animals will alleviate the curse and may completely stop it for some.
2. You can stop the curse at the corpse stage by confronting a Sleeper and opening up an emotional conversation about their loneliness. This may not always work, but the more the conversation works for the Sleeper, the more effective. The corpse will fleck away once the curse has been reversed.
3. Curses can continue to come back throughout October, but once you've experienced it once, it's less likely to occur again.
4. The Final Stage of the curse is the hardest to stop and most of the time, it's easiest to just kill the Cursed. It's easier to kill them than talk them out of their loneliness, but it is not impossible to talk them out of it. It requires dedication, patience, and some serious cleverness on how to survive a monster trying to kill you at the same time.
5. Loneliness can be widely interpreted once in the Final Stage. People should generally still look like themselves. How people act in this stage can vary from character to character and should be centric to how characters deal with their loneliness in general. If they're prone to shutting people out, then maybe their Loneliness is aloof and distant. If they're prone to clinging to toxic people, then maybe their Loneliness is accidentally violent. It's open to interpretation.
Of course, not everyone will visit Cloverfield. Cloverfield's loneliness begins to curse the city of Trench. Sleepers will be impacted the most heavily as their blood will directly react to this curse. Sleepers who have a good sense of relationship may be able to avoid the curse, but those who often feel lonely or homesick will start to feel worse and worse as the days go by.
Eventually, their loneliness begins to manifest as a corpse-like version of themselves or the person they care about most. This corpse follows them around everywhere like a shadow. You won't notice your own Loneliness, but other people might, especially palebloods, Night Walkers, and Disciples. These corpses don't seem to care about anything or anyone and at first don't seem violent...But eventually, this Loneliness becomes consuming.
Once it does, you too will contort, and you and your Loneliness will soon be crawling about on all fours, blood floating out of you in thin streams. You'll be lost to your feelings of loneliness, stalking the streets with your Loneliness, looking for companionship. Of course, you're completely corrupt at this point, so your version of finding companionship most likely involves accidentally suffocating someone or other violent actions. Some people may never become violent once they are in the Final Stage, but the blood constantly flowing from them will create heavy blood pollution and may draw in far more dangerous creatures. You really don't want Lonely People walking around!
Better start some conversations - even if these Lonely People are creepy as hell. But, then again, they are just lonely. Hopefully, you will find peace of mind and find your people. Hopefully, you will banish loneliness...For the time being.
QUICK FACTS
1. This curse will impact people who are more isolated than others. Interaction with other people or animals will alleviate the curse and may completely stop it for some.
2. You can stop the curse at the corpse stage by confronting a Sleeper and opening up an emotional conversation about their loneliness. This may not always work, but the more the conversation works for the Sleeper, the more effective. The corpse will fleck away once the curse has been reversed.
3. Curses can continue to come back throughout October, but once you've experienced it once, it's less likely to occur again.
4. The Final Stage of the curse is the hardest to stop and most of the time, it's easiest to just kill the Cursed. It's easier to kill them than talk them out of their loneliness, but it is not impossible to talk them out of it. It requires dedication, patience, and some serious cleverness on how to survive a monster trying to kill you at the same time.
5. Loneliness can be widely interpreted once in the Final Stage. People should generally still look like themselves. How people act in this stage can vary from character to character and should be centric to how characters deal with their loneliness in general. If they're prone to shutting people out, then maybe their Loneliness is aloof and distant. If they're prone to clinging to toxic people, then maybe their Loneliness is accidentally violent. It's open to interpretation.
WHEN: All October
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Ghosts, Themes of death.
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: Ghosts, Themes of death.
Unfortunately, not everyone can gain control of their loneliness. As blood is spilled throughout Trench over loneliness, this blood pollution festers and begins to claim poor souls. Corruption leads way to beasthood and people lost to this find themselves transforming into familiar, legendary ghost stories of old-world lore. These Legendary Ghosts come out primarily at night. As the Black Parade established, anyone who keeps their faces disguised with make-up or masks will be completely safe from the Legendary Ghosts. Though if you go after a Legendary Ghost in a costume, you'll only be safe until you attack them. It's not a bad move for a sneak attack though!
...But those who forgot to dress up or felt like such superstitions wouldn't work...
Congratulations, you might come across the path of a Dullahan: a headless horseman carrying a whip made from a spinal cord, ready to throw basins of blood on you and draw in other beasts. Or maybe you encounter a far more subtle Legendary Ghost. Maybe you see a hitchhiker on the side of the road and decide to give them a ride, but when you look in your rearview mirror, they are no longer in your backseat. While most of these Legendary Ghosts are intending to harm you and spread more blood pollution, some just seem to be genuinely lost souls, lost to corruption, lost to their own failures and loneliness. In some cases, freeing them is protecting yourself and others, but in other cases, freeing them is just simple kindness.
You may meet a ghost bride who is waiting eternally for her wedding by one of the shrines in Cassandra. Maybe you meet a ghostly scholar at the Archives in Gaze. The spirits range widely and seem to haunt every corner of Trench - including your own homes. The only real way to deter a Legendary Ghost from your home is by heavily decorating your home with things like jack-o-lanterns, fake blood splatters, fake gravestones, and various other death-centric decor. This seems to repel Legendary Ghosts as they see it as a reminder of their own fate. Some are angered by the decorations while others are terrified by them and seem incapable of telling the difference between real blood and fake blood.
QUICK FACTS
1. These corrupt souls can be saved through blood rituals/magic/ghost banishings relying on blood artifacts. This will usually put the soul to rest - it will not bring people "back to life."
2. While it is mostly Trenchies turning into these beings, Sleepers can also be transformed into Legendary Ghosts. We provide a general outline, but the idea is that people are turning into legendary ghost stories so you can play with your own ideas/canons.
While Trenchies cannot be saved, we leave it up to you if a Sleeper could be brought back to themselves or if they will have to "die" to be cured of their Legendary Ghost status.
3. You can use famous Legendary Ghosts from around the world. We gave a few examples, but have fun with this! The Legendary Ghost-like creature you go with should generally be "ghost-like" / have to do with death specifically. They do not need to be exclusively evil/violent spirits, but many are.
...But those who forgot to dress up or felt like such superstitions wouldn't work...
Congratulations, you might come across the path of a Dullahan: a headless horseman carrying a whip made from a spinal cord, ready to throw basins of blood on you and draw in other beasts. Or maybe you encounter a far more subtle Legendary Ghost. Maybe you see a hitchhiker on the side of the road and decide to give them a ride, but when you look in your rearview mirror, they are no longer in your backseat. While most of these Legendary Ghosts are intending to harm you and spread more blood pollution, some just seem to be genuinely lost souls, lost to corruption, lost to their own failures and loneliness. In some cases, freeing them is protecting yourself and others, but in other cases, freeing them is just simple kindness.
You may meet a ghost bride who is waiting eternally for her wedding by one of the shrines in Cassandra. Maybe you meet a ghostly scholar at the Archives in Gaze. The spirits range widely and seem to haunt every corner of Trench - including your own homes. The only real way to deter a Legendary Ghost from your home is by heavily decorating your home with things like jack-o-lanterns, fake blood splatters, fake gravestones, and various other death-centric decor. This seems to repel Legendary Ghosts as they see it as a reminder of their own fate. Some are angered by the decorations while others are terrified by them and seem incapable of telling the difference between real blood and fake blood.
QUICK FACTS
1. These corrupt souls can be saved through blood rituals/magic/ghost banishings relying on blood artifacts. This will usually put the soul to rest - it will not bring people "back to life."
2. While it is mostly Trenchies turning into these beings, Sleepers can also be transformed into Legendary Ghosts. We provide a general outline, but the idea is that people are turning into legendary ghost stories so you can play with your own ideas/canons.
While Trenchies cannot be saved, we leave it up to you if a Sleeper could be brought back to themselves or if they will have to "die" to be cured of their Legendary Ghost status.
3. You can use famous Legendary Ghosts from around the world. We gave a few examples, but have fun with this! The Legendary Ghost-like creature you go with should generally be "ghost-like" / have to do with death specifically. They do not need to be exclusively evil/violent spirits, but many are.
no subject
This can't be how Ryan wanted to actually find Min-Gi again. Who wants their boyfriend lingering behind them, a half-dead thing reminding them they're alone here, the only one from their world? Mako remembers that pain, after Korra disappeared. He knows what it's like to be singular.
More than that, he knows how much Wu hates it, which is probably the only reason he doesn't immediately bring it up and instead looks back down at Ryan, expression twisting in a sort of awkward grimace that has to look familiar. ]
They, uh... I got 'em at the market. They match the chandelier— [ He gestures vaguely up at it, a dripping crystalline thing dangling over the middle of the lobby ] —so Wu wanted them.
no subject
...Cool! Cool.
[He catches that look - it's hard not to, when it feels like half the city's been looking at him that. He heaves a heavy sigh and just rips the band-aid off himself.]
I know, I know, there's...something hanging around me. And now you know, and we can skip all the "hey Ryan, you've got a creepy zombie version of yourself behind you!" and just...I don't know. Did you need help with the sconces? Let me help with the sconces. Let's sconce these sconces.
[He's trying to breeze through it, to rush through the discomfort to get to the part where everything is okay and normal and better, but it doesn't work that way. Especially when his current Loneliness looks doesn't look like him at all - it looks like Min-Gi, and it's reaching out to touch his shoulder.]
no subject
It's not you.
[ That's the jarring thing, the thing nagging at Mako's thoughts, the thing making him frown at that unfamiliar face. ]
I... think it's your boyfriend. The guy you showed me? Min-Gi?
no subject
...But, it's still not visible to him. A twisted part of him is actually disappointed.]
...Oh. Uh.
[Ryan, who is normally pretty charming and witty, can't find the words for this situation. All he can think about is how weird it must be for Mako, and that's probably just making it weirder.]
Sorry. I-- I didn't know it looked...you know.
[He rubs at the back of his neck. When he does, he brushes alarmingly close to the Loneliness Min. His fingers tingle.]
If you want, I can-- I mean. It's probably super weird for you, since I wouldn't shut up before about...him looking like you. [Ugh, why the hell did he do that?] So...yeah. I can go, if you want.
[The Loneliness' energy is feeding into Ryan, making him absolutely certain that Mako is uncomfortable and that the only way to fix it is to remove himself from the situation. Then maybe Mako can forget all about his creepy doppelganger, and Ryan can just sit in his apartment alone forever so he doesn't freak anyone out. That's a very reasonable response to this!]
no subject
[ Ryan, apparently, does the same thing that Wu does: makes leaps in logic that Mako has a hard time following. How they got from sconces and Ryan's weird zombie-boyfriend stalking him to Ryan telling him that he should probably go is...
Well. Mako does that too, sometimes.
He shakes his head, still trying not to look at Min-Gi. ]
You miss him, huh?
no subject
I mean, when you asked it's not like you knew I had...company. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want this around.
[He vaguely points a thumb over his shoulder, without turning to look again. He deflates a little when Mako asks the obvious. There really isn't any pretending here, is there?]
...Yeah. Yeah, I do. A lot.
[But everyone knows that. It's been obvious since he got to Trench, and he has no idea how anyone's put up with him whining about it all the time.]
no subject
[ Mako says it with a small shrug, waving Ryan closer anyway with the sconce-filled hand. ]
C'mon, hold this up while I figure out where it needs to go on the wall. Have you, uh. Ever been away from him this long before?
[ Mako isn't sure what question to ask, but he knows what he wanted when he was alone here, before he was lucky enough to have everyone gathered close: to talk about them. An excuse to conjure up images for other people so that they wouldn't only live in his own head. ]
no subject
Yeah, actually. Once. But...that was my own fault.
[That seems like something Ryan should elaborate on, but what he says doesn't actually clarify much. He just feels like he needs to gauge how much he should say.]
...Did I tell you I had a solo career before? Or did Wu?
[He genuinely doesn't remember, but he's treading carefully, as though this story is a landmine to navigate.]
no subject
Not that you'd know it, the way Ryan is standing and talking like he's slowly being pressed into a paste.
After a moment, Mako reaches over and takes the sconce back, weighing it carefully in his hand as he watches Ryan. ]
Didn't know that. Why'd you stop doing that?
[ The words aren't careful, exactly, but Mako can tell that there's something to this story, a reason Ryan brought it up. Easier to listen than to look at the oddly-still corpse standing behind him. ]
no subject
Because it sucked? It wasn't even really a career, it was just...me drifting from city to city trying to get whatever I could for a gig. I wasn't even playing real shows. It was all like...bingo nights at nursing homes and background music for uni parties. I lived out of a van with like no money, and by the end of it I didn't even have that anymore!
[As he speaks, his Loneliness flickers like static. There are moments where it stops looking so much like Min-Gi and more the way Ryan had assumed it did - a deathly miserable version of himself. But it shifts back to Min once Ryan goes on.]
I...wasn't supposed to be solo. Min was supposed to come with me, but I rushed him too much. Instead of waiting for him to be ready I told him we were leaving in a week and he panicked and ditched me, so...I left without him. I didn't even last a whole year on my own, but... [He takes a deep breath and lets it out, heavily.] Yeah. That's the longest we've been apart.
no subject
It isn't worth correcting Ryan on any of those assumptions, or telling him that secretly he was successful. Mako trusts his word that it wasn't. He knows how much it sucks to be struggling like that, with no money and no plan and no home. ]
So why'd you leave in the first place?
[ That's the real question: if he knew he wanted to go with Min-Gi, why leave? Why not wait? ]
no subject
The question cuts deep, but Ryan can't fault him for asking. It's an entirely reasonable question, and one that Ryan has asked himself many, many times.]
Because we'd planned it for like, ever. We talked about going on tour and playing shows in New York City since we were like, thirteen. I thought...
[He trails off, frustrated with himself. It's stupid. He knows it's stupid now, but at the time when the wound still stung, it seemed like the only thing he could do.]
...I thought he gave up on it. That he let his fears get the best of him and just decided he didn't want to play with me anymore. This all happened right before a show and he ran away and left me to perform alone, so I thought...that was it. We're never going to be a real band, and Min's never going to have the courage to go for it.
[He pushes his hand up under his glasses and then drags it down his face.]
It was dumb. I should have talked to him or something instead of just...leaving. Music's the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life though. I didn't have other plans, so. I left, and tried to do it by myself. And it sucked, because it was always going to suck without him.
no subject
[ Maybe a rude thing to point out. Who knows: Mako's trying to piece together the bits of this, figure out where things went wrong. If Min-Gi wasn't going to perform with him anyway, it probably was a smart move to try it on his own. Mako knows that he hates the idea of relying on someone else being there just to make money and have a career.
Then again, Mako wouldn't have tried to make a career out of something like that. That's a luxury he tried to give to Bolin but that couldn't possibly apply to himself: he needed to make money, and with something like music or acting or art, there's too much left to chance. ]
no subject
[He snaps a little, like a rubber band pulled too tight, but it seems to actually startle him out of that reaction. He's...not comfortable feeling like this, or getting this annoyed. He takes a deep breath, and tries to reel it in.]
Sorry, it's just...it's a lot of stuff, but it's not you. And like, we did make up and we are on tour back home. But...I still wound up here first! Without him! After I super said I wouldn't leave him again!
[His emotions are so high-strung that Mako will hear that thought continue, even after Ryan visibly stops talking.
"Because apparently I'm still a really shitty person!"]
no subject
That, and the burst of words in his head. Mako was already opening his mouth to say that's not what I meant when that last part comes in, but he snaps it shut again, blinking into the silence. ]
Ryan, you... didn't come here on purpose, did you?
no subject
--but the Loneliness has not reached out. Not yet. It is close, but not touching, and the fact that something he can't see is lurking behind him and manipulating his emotions is enough to make his stomach turn.
He takes a long time to answer. The question seems to surprise him, as though he can't quite figure out why that would matter.]
...No? I just washed up here.
[But he still washed up first. He still came here without Min-Gi. He didn't mean to leave the Art Gallery Car without him either, but that sure happened anyway.]
no subject
[ The curse doesn't exactly translate into any kind of shared language: it's a curse from his home, something implying the lowest reaches of the spirit world and all its dangers, and the translation here can be iffier than it was in the dream.
Still: his tone gets the point across even if the words themselves don't translate.
After a moment, he reaches out with his free hand and curls it around Ryan's wrist, trying to yank him forward away from the thing behind him. ]
You didn't pick this. Hold yourself accountable for the stuff that matters, not the things you can't control. Trust me. It doesn't help.
no subject
The Loneliness doesn't go away, not exactly. But it does react by shifting back into its Ryan form and it stays that way.]
I...
[Nothing feels like the right answer. Mako isn't wrong and Ryan would probably tell someone else the same thing, but it's harder to apply to himself.]
...Even if I didn't mean to do it, I still did it.
[A few images will flash in Mako's mind, because they are touching - a monster lurking over Min as he holds his head in pain, and Ryan outside a red barrier, pounding on it and trying to get Min. Something green starts to flash on his hand and--
Ryan tugs his hand away as though he's been burned, before any more can get out. He looks down at his right palm and rubs it a little.]
But, uh. You're right! You're totally right. It's...it's done, so it's not like there's anything I can do about it. I can't exactly go back so I just...have to wait, and hope he shows.
no subject
The fuck was that?
no subject
[How does he even begin to answer that question? He's barely told Mako and Wu anything about the Train at this point, but it's the kind of question where anything he says will only raise more questions.]
I...don't actually know what that monster's called? [He forces a laugh and shrugs.] Didn't exactly stop to get its name or anything.
[It isn't funny though and it doesn't feel funny no matter how much Ryan tries to cover it up. He sighs.]
It's a really long story. The shortest version is, um. We were both stuck in that art gallery and we had to try and figure out how to get out. I found the exit and I didn't realize it would pull me out and not let me back in, but. I...left Min alone with that thing.
[It feels dumb to say it out loud. Min's long since forgiven him but it still lingers in his head when he's feeling down like this - when he's feeling guilty abandoning Min. He still almost left him to die. He still thought about going home in that second, when he had the chance. Even if Min's forgiven him, he still feels like a garbage human being for it, and now Mako knows some of it too.]
Sorry. I didn't really mean to, you know. Do that.
[But like with Min, does that even matter? He still projected his bad memories into Mako's head. He still did that.]
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[ Mako says it gruffly, but he means it, shrugging a shoulder like it's rolling off him. ]
Wu's done it a couple times, too. I'm... getting used to it.
[ Doesn't mean he likes it, but, you know. That isn't the important thing here. The important thing is that Ryan is doing something that Mako can only see clearly because he's done it so many times himself: holding himself accountable for things that aren't his fault.
Mako gets it. It's easier to think about the chaos of life if you try to control as much of it as possible. If you caused the problem, then you can fix it, therefore—
He hasn't thought about it that deeply, really.
He sees the pattern, knows it like he knows his own bones (or thought he did), and it makes his mouth twist in frustration. ]
But you didn't. Leave him alone, I mean. Unless you did it on purpose and left him to die.
It's—
[ This is why, really, Mako is so awkward: because he has so many thoughts, so many things swirling in his head and only a very few ways to put them into words. Things come out wrong when he tries to say them: he doesn't have Bolin's fluid way of explaining things or Asami's grace and patience. Mako is all rough edges, and he catches himself up in the trap of his own thoughts, trying to force a thousand words into ten, and it never works. He is silent for a long time, his mouth working, watching the false-Ryan hover sadly, alone. ]
You... are beating yourself up about something that you didn't actually cause. I get it. Sometimes, it's... I don't know. Easier, I guess. To tell yourself that you'll do better next time, because then things won't get fucked up [ Another slip into that other tongue ] again because you'll fix it, but when you take on the whole... everything, as your fault, then you're just setting yourself up for failure. You know?
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It dawns on him that oh, he's crying a little now too. He reaches up and rubs at his eyes under his glasses and sniffles, trying to do whatever will make him stop crying in front of Mako. Ugh, ugh!]
Yeah. ...Yeah, something like that.
[He makes himself laugh because it's better than getting teary, though it still isn't really heartfelt.]
It's just, y'know. ...Tough. It's tough.
[For a moment, he isn't sure what he wants to say. He's dumped a lot on Mako, and it's probably too much. There's so much he could say, like how things feel like they're probably his fault more often than not, even if he doesn't always let himself care about them. Or how no, he can see how there was a misunderstanding here but he really is garbage; Mako jsut doesn't know him well enough to see it yet. But...none of those feel right.
What he settles on doesn't feel great either. It's needy and awful, and puts too much pressure on Mako's shoulders, but it's easier than the rest of it is.]
...You really don't think he'd care that I got here first?
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[ The rough-edged, honest truth, tinged with a little worry. Mako didn't mean to make him cry, hates seeing other people cry—it sets off a weird kind of internal panic-response in him, like he has to fix it right away, short-circuits all his rational thought. He stares down at the sconce for a second and then carefully puts it on the ground to move closer to Ryan instead. ]
Maybe he will. Maybe he'll be so irrational that he'll think you abandoned him, but for one thing, time doesn't work here like it does at home. In the dream, when Wu and I went home? We went back to right where we were, like nothing happened. As far as he probably knows, you're still there.
[ Which, while helpful, is not actually Mako's point. He hovers indecisively for a moment, his mouth working (and spirits take his own overly-expressive face, he'd worked so hard and so long for a poker face and never quite managed one, really) before he reaches out to gently squeeze Ryan's shoulder. ]
But maybe he'll be a rational person and he won't. Either way, you can't control that. I won't say it doesn't matter what he thinks. It always does. But what he thinks won't be your fault.
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Getting teary in front of Mako is hugely embarrassing. And right - of course, he can't really answer that question, can he? But the shoulder touch is a nice surprise, and as Mako speaks he settles just a little. The words really sink in, and something indescribable changes in his expression. His Loneliness fades, though does not vanish entirely.
There is a touch connection, but the only glimpse of Ryan's thoughts Mako will get is one simple word.
"...Maybe."
Then, suddenly, he puts on a smile.]
Yeah. Thanks, Mako.