deercountry | Skywalker Family Drama Part... I lost count.

Who: Luke Skywalker and Anakin Solo
What: Meeting back up again after the chaos of last month.
When: Backdated to the beginning of the month.
Where: Anakin's home.
Content Warnings: Mentions of death and trauma.

Dying had been... weird, to put it mildly. Luke had thought it would hurt more -- the last few times he had been close to death had been painful beyond words. This time, though... maybe it had helped that he wasn't entirely in his right mind, or that his body had been twisted beyond all recognition, but it hadn't hurt. He couldn't remember many of the details either, which was worrying, but...

But he could remember how it had affected Anakin.

His pace quickened as he started back to where he remembered his nephew saying he was living, trying to remember the specifics of the location. When he finally got close enough to pick up his nephew's presence, he moved faster, running up to the right house and flinging the door open, not sure if he would be right there or not, but knowing he was there.

"Ani?"

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He's not been well. Every time he tries to sleep, he sees the moment over and over. There's no special Jedi trick to get around grief or guilt. So he learns to live with the nightmares. He staves off corruption if only so that his uncle's death wouldn't be in vain.

Anakin tries to be okay. He really really tries.

He senses his uncle at the door, hears his name, and freezes. He knows people come back, but he's lost track of time. A small part of himself braces for anger or disappointment. He could handle it. (No he couldn't.)

Anakin is there when Luke opens the door. He's pale and exhausted and doesn't look Luke in the eye.

"Hi."

Edited 2022-08-31 01:08 (UTC)

He didn't know what to expect, if he was honest. In the Rebellion, reactions to friends you thought lost were always varied. Relief, yes, tears and hugs and similar reactions of course; but what Anakin was doing? Drained and exhausted and looking like he was expecting Luke to blame him for what happened... For a moment he had to stand back, at a loss for his reaction, before he finally surged forward, grabbing Anakin and pulling him into a tight hug.

Anakin doesn't resist the hug but he does let out a startled gasp. He's tense all over and feels shaky. Even though he and Luke are about the same size, he feels very small.

His voice is soft and muffled against Luke's shoulder.

"Sorry."

Luke just holds his nephew tight, much like Aunt Beru would do for him anytime he woke up from a nightmare. Of course, this was reality, and it would always hurt worse than any dream, but if he could do even a little to help ease Anakin's fear and worries, then it would be enough.

"For what?"

Anakin's breath hitches.

"I let you die."

He says it like he's confessing a crime. He says it with complete conviction.

"'Let me'?" Luke echoed, increadulous. He pulled away after a moment, reaching up with his hand to cup the side of Anakin's face.

"Ani, you didn't 'let' any of that happen, understand?" he asked softly, trying to be as comforting as he could. "You were in danger, and I did the only thing I could think of to protect you."

It takes Anakin a moment to look his uncle in the eye. Tears well up and his face is the picture of exhaustion and grief. Luke is the one person he thought he'd never lose. Back home, his uncle was always there, steady and resolute. That image has-- fairly or not-- been superimposed over the Luke here.

And Anakin got him killed, like so many others.

"You shouldn't have had to."

Luke shook his head, his gaze turning sad.

"Ani, I've been prepared to die over things much less important than the life of my sister's child," he said softly, slipping his hand down and pulling him into a hug again. It was less fierce than the last one, but still meant to be comfortable.

This time, Anakin hugs back. Still, his presence in the Force is chaotic and confused. Joy and relief clash with grief and guilt. Luke's words don't help one way or the other.

"You shouldn't... I should be able to protect myself."

"And you can, just like I can," Luke replied. Even if they hadn't truly been in a situation where they could properly fight side by side, he had faith in Anakin's ability. "But that doesn't change that every now and then, even we need help sometimes."

He paused a moment, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

"Trust in yourself, Anakin," he said softly. "I promise, it's okay."

That's all it takes. Anakin's defenses crumble and he starts to cry.

Luke held him close, wrapping his arms around him tightly and letting his nephew cry his eyes out. There was so much more than just this behind his reaction, but they could address that later; right now his nephew just needed his uncle to hug him.

Luke is right. This is the culmination of so much loss and grief and fear. Anakin knows, logically, that his uncle is as mortal and fallible as anyone else. But he's always had an idealized view of his uncle as someone strong and unshakeable and always there. The thought of him dying was the same as thinking the suns of Tatooine wouldn't rise.

He doesn't sob uncontrollably or wail, but his grief spreads out from him into the Force. It's a pain he can't put into words. A pain he does his best to hide or at least try to get over.

After a few minutes, he pulls away. His face is a mess of tears and his eyes are red. He looks at Luke's shoulder, which is all wet and gross.

"Sorry."

About getting snot and such on his clothes.

Luke shook his head, reaching up to smooth out Anakin's hair as he smiled warmly.

"Don't be, Ani," he said softly. "I understand, okay? You're allowed to be upset over what happened, but none of it was your fault."

He hesitated a moment, uncertainty crossing his face for a moment, before he let his hand drop in favor of taking one of his, giving it a squeeze.

"Have I told you what happened to my own aunt and uncle?" he asked softly. It was hard sometimes, when it came to people from his future; he had no idea what they would and would not know. It led to him asking about terrible things in some terrible moments, like this one, but it was the only way he could offer some kind of comfort right now.

Anakin squeezes Luke's hand back, nodding slightly. He's heard the story, though he's not sure how much was omitted. But he does know enough to see where Luke is going with this.

"It was the Empire."

Although his voice is soft, his words are forceful.

"It was," Luke replied simply. "But it was my fault too."

He bowed his head slightly, letting out a breath. This was always going to be something that was hard for him to talk about, even though he had long come to terms with what happened.

"The Imperial troops were after Artoo and Threepio," he explained. "But we weren't originally going to buy Artoo. After the Arfive unit we were going to buy stopped working, I insisted on Artoo at Threepio's suggestion. And, well... you know Artoo. He ran off, I ran off after him. I wasn't there."

Luke paused a moment, taking a deep breath to steady himself.

"It took me a long time to stop blaming myself; to stop wondering how things would have been different if I was there."

He paused again, offering Anakin a soft smile, before reaching up and mussing his hair fondly.

"It's not just you that thinks like this, Ani. I've gone through this feeling too, as I'm sure your mother has as well."

Skywalker Family Drama Part... I lost count.

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