deercountry | i'm not a superhero [September Catch-All]

Manabu utters a soft, negative sound, unmoving - barely breathing, as one can hardly do much in the face of such heavy admissions...especially when one doesn't deserve to be the one to hear them. Manabu knows he hasn't earned this, but...

"No. Look--" He sees it before Nara'a can take stock, but their path along this bloody river is starting to clear of beasts and the figures unfamiliar to Manabu. "You're doing what you need to do. To cross this river."

"No I -" It's true, the bodies are starting to clear. There's still bodies that are unfamiliar to him, and he tries to focus.

"Is that... what I have to do? To cross this river? Admit that I'm afraid?" Because he is. He's very afraid... but he has to face it. "... Is that what you have to do, too?"

"Something like that, I think. But that's why I don't get why I'm..."

He trails off, blanching as he no longer sees the SDF uniforms. That's--

Mako? Wu?

"Wait--"

He shifts, scooting to an edge of the boat, causing it to bob and tilt precariously as he leans over, reaching for one of the drifting forms.

"Wait!!"

"Hey - Manabu, stop!" He reaches over to push Manabu back into the boat.

"Manabu, I don't think that they're real. Take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong." Aside from 'everything', but that's a constant here.

"But-! But they're not--"

They're not dead. The others? Yes. Of course. No bones about it. But them?

Even so, Manabu's easily shoved back, easily convinced to sit tight as the boat rocks and steadies from all the commotion. He grips the edges of the seat beside him, his expression haunted, conflicted.

"They're not dead," he says, shaking his head. "They're gone, but...not dead. They shouldn't be showing up like this, it doesn't make sense!"

Nara'a just watches Manabu calmly, his lesser panda omen crawling on the other man's lap to curl up and try to steady him.

"Do you blame yourself for them being gone?" Since he blames himself for the deaths that showed up... he wouldn't be surprised if Manabu blames himself for these people, too.

"... I'd ask if you want to talk about it, but I think this place is doing the asking for me."

Manabu's already all tensed up, but his attention shifts to the alien creature climbing up on him. His stomach clenches, throat tightening.

Does he blame himself? For his friends leaving?

"Of course not! I, I didn't want them to go! Why would I...Why would I want to be alone here?" His eyes wince as he hears the crack in his voice. "It was...bad enough. In the nightmare. At least here, I thought...we'd all make it. Together."

The little creature looks up at Manabu and then snuggles into him, trying to soothe him. Don't be upset, friend!

Nara'a thinks on that for a moment and lets out a long sigh. "But they might come back. But you... they're important to you in some way, right? Do you feel like you let them down somehow? I'm... only trying to figure out why they would be here. I'm not trying to pry..."

It's just kind of... happening as a result of the river.

"No, I know you're not--" He shakes his head, still bent low - but not too low as to risk getting booped or bapped by a critter. "I'm just saying, it--I just expected...only the people who are truly gone. Dead. It's messing with me, okay? And if that was enough to be done with this, that'd be great!"

He is quiet for a beat, shoulders drawn up to his earlobes.

"Does it...just mean saying how mad I am out loud? Is that it?"

"This whole place is designed to mess with you." He can confidently say that much about Trench. But he lets Manabu rant it out for a moment before he responds. Best to let him finish his thought, even if it's an angry one.

"Maybe it does. Who can say with this place? But if this particular place is designed to poke at our grief, then anger is definitely part of it. It's a part of grieving, after all."

As Nara'a speaks, Manabu just shakes his head, words washing off him, some unheard and others just sticking where it suits his own thoughts.

It's a part of grieving seems to poke more than stick, and, unfortunately for the critter, Manabu shoots upright, standing suddenly and causing the boat to shudder.

"So what if it is?!" he yells, his head still bowed. His fists clench tightly at his sides as he looks around, glaring furiously at the river and its filthy banks. "It's nobody's business but our own! Do you hear me out there?! It's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Leave us the hell ALONE already!!"

His hair fluffs up, a few sparks popping off the tips.

"If you're not strong enough to kill me dead for good then just BUZZ OFF WITH THIS!"

If it proves anything, it at least shows off the lovely echo in the area.

His omen scampers away to under Nara'a's seat at the display of emotion, putting his paws over his eyes.

"I don't know that they're listening, Manabu. And even if they are, I don't know if they care. Or if they can care like we do." His voice is calm and even, and he looks at Manabu seriously. "All we can do is try to take care of each other while they do... whatever it is that they do."

He leans forward slightly, watching the other's body language carefully. "I know you're angry. I am, too. And I'm glad you can get it out here, where it won't hurt anyone." He's certainly not taking Manabu's anger personally. "Holding onto it is just going to hurt you. ... Just try and breathe, all right? You'll be okay. We'll make it through this."

"Every year with this?!" Manabu's ire is still directed at the circumstance, but his focus shifts to glare down at Nara'a. The glare becomes a grimace at the sight of his expression, reminding him it's really not just him putting up with this, and that...kind of takes the wind out of his blustery sails. He doesn't entirely deflate, but he's certainly not ready to start yelling into the ether again.

He exhales in a huff, steam escaping from his mouth. He starts to mutter a bitter response, but there's a distant sound of barking echoing back at them. Manabu blinks, looking around and then over his shoulder toward the horizon ahead of their boat.

"Magnet?" Yeah, no, that's his barking. "Uoh--look! It's the shore!"

Was he rewarded for his tantrum? Was it coincidental to having dumped feelings anyway? Who cares!!

"Maybe." He has to stay calm. If there's one thing he's learned, it's that staying calm is the best way to get other people to calm down as well. He takes a deep breath and is about to say something when he hears barking.

"Is that - oh, hello there." He looks back at the other man and smiles. "I told you we'll be all right. Now we just need to figure out how to get out of here -"

Is that the sound of wings flapping? Uh oh.

"Eh-?"

What. What? What now? Manabu looks around, uncertain of what problem he's supposed to be looking for considering this whole boat ride has been a problem.

He looks up at the ravens suddenly circling, and then nods.

"I think those are our ride out of here..."

"Oh."

Right. It's birds that do it, right?

Manabu grimaces, bringing his arms up to shield his face as a few birds become way too many - enough to envelop the lot of them, to drown out the distant barking...until it's loud and clear again.

But at that point, the feathers clear, and instead of a boat, they're out in the misty yard of the Academy. Manabu sputters, wiping feathers off his face and out of his hair.

He sighs in relief as the birds leave and looks over at Manabu. His own hair has a few feathers in it, but he's not particularly worried about that.

"... How are you doing?" Because it's not okay, and they both know it.

All the sparking has subsided, though the hair-frizz remains a sign of him having gotten so sassed up. He looks over at Nara'a in bewilderment at the question, as though that were a strange thing to be asking right now - now that they've teleported and Magnet won't shut up and--

"SHUSH!" Speaking of which, he snaps the command down to the dog bouncing at his feet, who seems undeterred in true-blue Manabu fashion, leaving his person exasperated.

"I'm fine," he replies, trying to talk over the dog noise, rubbing at his face. "This is--the same as last time, too."

He sighs and kneels for a moment, reaching out to Magnet and trying to pet him to get him to be quiet. Buddy, no.

"You're not fine, Manabu." It's not a sharp barb, but it's thrown at the other nonetheless. "I don't think either of us are. Not after seeing something like that." His own emotions are in turmoil, and he still partially blames himself - just saying it doesn't fix it.

But it does feel a little lighter, even if by a fraction.

"But you don't have to tell me. Just... talk to someone you trust, okay?"

A kind and patiently outstretched hand goes a long way - for both Manabu and the omen that's his will manifest. In the case of the latter, there's far fewer restraints on taking that offering, in lunging into the hand for consolation and quieting to just breathy whimpers.

Manabu's back is to them, looking out toward the academy buildings, tracing the skyline for obvious signs of foul play. It may be alright, but--

"Eh-?" He looks back over with a knit brow.

Talk to someone you trust, okay?

"..." He looks down and watches Magnet, glimpses the little panda-thing he'd barely acknowledged on the boat.

"...I won't tell anyone your business. It wasn't fair to force you to have to anyway." Just like it wasn't fair that he himself was forced to face the frustrations that he's been sitting on for months.

Magnet gets scritches, Nara'a making sure he gets them behind his ears. "Good boy, Magnet." He can tell the omen's distressed, and he's not surprised. His own doesn't make much noise, but he does climb up onto Nara'a's shoulder and clings.

"I know you won't. And I won't tell anyone what I saw, either. But... I just want you to feel safe and all right - as much as you can after seeing that, anyway. I..."

Hm. How to put this? "Most of us don't have the best mental health. And I'll admit it's not something that I've been very good with, either. But I've been trying to take better care of myself... so that I can help take better care of others. And having someone you trust to talk to is important for that."

It's good to have a lodestone of sorts.

This is all very, very good advice that Manabu would love to have the presence of mind to not only embrace, but to remember to convey to others who he deems in need of it more! Like Jun!

As it stands, it is always uncomfortable to be the focus of concern - especially when he's certain there are more important matters others ought to worry about other than himself.

A pot and a kettle get transported from a very stressful boat ride, basically...

Take better care of myself...so that I can help take better care of others...

Damn, this kettle's got hands.

"I--I'll figure it out," Manabu manages, feeling his face grow hot all over again. "I'm gonna be okay! Like, like I said...I've been through this before. You should...I mean--are you? Okay?"

What an excellent attempt to pivot focus off himself. Incredible.

"... You don't need to be embarrassed." He can see how red your face is becoming, Manabu. It's not exactly subtle. "Just because you've been through it before doesn't mean it's not distressing."

Is he okay? It's almost laughable. And yes, he had a breakdown earlier but right now there's someone in front of him who needs help. He struggles to try to untangle himself from the issue mentally and - is he okay?

... Manabu can handle some harsher truths. Or at least something he doesn't admit to most people.

"I haven't been really okay since I fought my first primal, and that was years ago. But 'okay' by my standards? Yes. For the most part." He won't soon shake the images he saw on that boat ride, but he's... sadly used to seeing horrifying things.

"Just... think about what I said, okay? You need to take care of yourself. If we're going to help each other, we can't crumble because we didn't look after ourselves."

"I-I know that!" he replies, trying to ride some indignation instead of just feeling self-conscious. But that doesn't feel too great either, given all the anger from earlier's fizzled out.

He deflates.

"What I mean is...I get what you're saying." But he just can't shoulder it right now for himself.

i'm not a superhero [September Catch-All]

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