deercountry | i'm not a superhero [September Catch-All]

"I'm sorry. You deserved better. You still deserve better. No child should have to grow up like that. I'm... sorry if that's disrespectful towards your culture in some way, but... you deserve love and kindness. You're not a tool to be used or a weapon to be forged, you're a person." He pauses and takes a deep breath. He did say he's trying... "But I know how easy it is to cling to pain. Mine may not compare to yours, but I can understand how easy it is to turn to anger and hatred."

He smiles at Maul and nods. "I think I will. And... well. It's a simple aetheric equation in my world. You can't upset the balance too much. There have been calamities of all six major elements... and the two I know of in other worlds. I wouldn't wish living in a world of pure light or pure dark on anyone." He thinks for a moment, then shakes his head. "The elements I know as light and dark don't have emotions associated with them, but I can see where the similarities are in terms of their physical effects. Sin-Eaters are slow and prone to lazing about, where voidsent are much more active in seeking out aether to devour. The dominance of one side over the other just leads to disaster."

He scratches his chin, thinking. "You'll have to tell me more details about the Force at some point. How it works, what you can do with it. I'm intrigued, and while I don't think I can learn to use it I can also show you what I can do with aether."

"No, I need to hear that." Over and over again from different people who care about him but it is something Maul takes to heart. He'll need to hear it for the rest of his life to undo part of the damage Sidious did to him. "And don't worry about seeming disrespectful. My master was not a Nightbrother. In fact, he took me away from my clan and culture, all that I had known before." Growing up as a Nightbrother wasn't all sunshine and roses, as Savage could testify to, but Maul knows it still would have been ten times better than a life with his master.

"The precarious balance of the Force is one of the many reasons I have strived to get along with the Jedi in this city. With so few of us here, the balance can easily get upset if one side tries for domination. That is not what I want." Not any longer in any case, given Maul's desire to become a better person also involved letting go a little bit of his constant quest for power.

"I should like to do that at some point, yes, and also learn about the aether you wield. You're not Force-sensitive from what I have been able to sense, so you cannot learn how to use it but I can still pass on what knowledge I can." Maul's been adamant about doing that ever since he learned about the utter destruction of the Sith after he dies in his own galaxy.

"Then I'll say it as many times as you need it." He smiles, nodding to the the other. He's met plenty of people with... not the best childhood, and while they're all very different he's gotten used to helping build up someone's self-confidence. And that starts with acknowledging that they have issues from their childhood... "Is there a possibility for you to go back, should you return to your world - worlds?"

It's not a possibility for some people, he knows... and he has no knowledge of Maul's specific situation in regards to that. "But... good. I'd like for everyone to get along anyway, as impossible a task as I know that is. But if the source of power you draw on is unbalanced..." Well. It wouldn't be good, for Maul or for anyone - from his galaxy or not.

"I'd like that. It's always fascinating to learn about other worlds... but I'd be glad to go into more detail about aether. I've yet to find a book from my world in the Archives, but I've read enough tomes on the subject to be able to give a fairly decent if abridged lecture. Thaumaturges wield elemental magicks, and they need to have a keen awareness on what they're manipulating. Some guilds use it more innately and on instinct, but not them..." He'd been frustrated at first, but then once he'd gotten into the weeds he discovered he actually likes reading dusty old tomes...

"Thank you." That gets a smile out of Maul, a genuine one that softens up the harsh lines that his black tattoos make on his face. "Alas, no. The Nightsisters were completely wiped out. There a fair number of Nightbrothers left, but without the females, this will be the last generation of my particular clan." There were other clans of Nightkin upon Dathomir but none of them were run quite the same as his own. Maul lost a lot of his culture thanks to the Clone Wars.

"Well, I doubt we're all going to get along anytime soon, but I've sworn off being disruptive for the most part personally." Maul's kept a lower profile than he has in the past here in Trench but he's still remained a bit (in)famous among the Sleepers as a whole.

Maul listens. Magick fascinates him as a subject. He's sure his mother would have liked him to learn all her secrets and the magick she wielded had he stayed on Dathomir, maybe even preparing him to become leader of the Nightbrothers in time. "The aether, is it something anyone can learn to wield with the proper study?"

"Gods... I'm sorry about that. A whole people wiped out... and I assume taking from other places and teaching them your ways isn't really an option? I know it's not the same, but..." He's heard of plenty of clans being wiped out, especially by the Calamity, but... a whole people? That's horrifying. He might ask how that happened later, but now doesn't seem to be the time.

"Well, good. I might be your friend, but I'm not afraid to tell you that you need to stop it if it comes to that." He's only heard a tiny bit about Maul from other people, but he's certain that the other has a good heart, even if it's buried under a lot of trauma.

He nods at the question. "It is. With very few exceptions, everyone can manipulate it. I do know of someone who lost his ability to do that as a result of being possessed, as well as the Garlean race which is entirely incapable of manipulating it. But for the most part, everyone else can do it with varying degrees of success."

"No. Nightkin are not like Mandalorians. We don't adopt outsiders into our groups." For a myriad of reasons, though prime among them was outsiders weren't immune to the effects of Dathomir's darkness upon a person's mind and would have been driven insane after staying there for more than a few years. "You have to be born into one of the clans on Dathomir to be considered one."

He tilts his head, considering the words with a softer expression on his face than he's warranted to possess. Maul's not dim but he's had so little social interaction with people that he does flat-out need to be told when they're his friend, otherwise it's hard for him to tell. "Good. I do occasionally need the reminders when I get close to going too far." Even now, his instincts are tilted towards destruction and death at all times. Fighting against them is a conscious effort.

"If you do not mind I..." It's odd to ask anything from anyone. He's always been so independent and asking such a request makes him feel uncomfortable. "...I would like to learn more about how to do that." There's that urge within him, always pushing him onwards to seek out more power, but at least this time he can channel it for a better use that subjecting people to his cruelty and hatred.

"I see. I'm sorry..." It was worth asking, at least. And he can understand the reticence about adopting outsiders into their groups - it's not like someone of a different species would really understand. Hellw, even the two subspecies of miqo'te have their own rules and rituals and ways of living, and as far as he knows having a mixed bloodline is rare. He happens to have a bit of Sun Seeker in his background, but he can't imagine growing up like one.

"I'll be there to help support you. There are other ways to solve problems other than going over the edge. I've seen people totally consumed by hatred or duty, and it never ends well. I don't want something like that to happen to you. It would truly be a loss." Not to mention dangerous for everyone around them, even if becoming a Primal isn't really a risk here. "I know that there's many reasons to be angry here, but there are ways to use anger without being destructive."

He's a little surprised, but perhaps he shouldn't be. Maul seems like an intelligent person, capable of wielding powers that Nara'a doesn't even understand. It's only natural that his curiosity should lead him to want to explore other paths. "I can try. I make no promises about results, but we don't know if we don't try, right?"

“Yes, for me my anger has helped sustain me for a long time. I don’t intend to shed myself of it ever entirely or stop doing things like taking revenge on those people who hurt the ones that I care about.” In Maul’s warped way of thinking, it was actually showing how much he loved those people to take revenge on those who had hurt, tortured, or killed them. “But I am trying to find ways to manage it better. I have had a few people talk to me about being able to express my emotions, to practice anger management while still having it alright that anger is my go-to emotion.”

There’s something a bit humorous in having several of the teenagers of Trench be the ones to teach such an emotionally-stunted alien how to properly handle his anger but that’s just how it’s worked out for Maul.

“Right. Even if it turns out to be nothing but failure, it will still be worthwhile to possess the knowledge.” For Maul, knowledge is just another form of power, one as intangible as the Force and just as powerful.

"I can understand that. Anger can be... useful when used correctly... it just can easily turn into other emotions like bloodlust or despair. Learning how to turn it into determination was one of my most valuable lessons... one that I had to learn quite early on." He could have easily been lost to despair after the slaughter at the Waking Sands. He could have gone on a rampage and killed every Garlean who crossed his path. But he didn't - he learned how to channel it and direct it only at the people he needed to. "But I can help you a bit - or at least try."

It's amusing that a lot of his friends have been teenagers or young adults in the past as well. But those have ended up being some of the most competent people he's known. Most of the Scions are older, but the twins... well, he's been glad that they're very intelligent and capable.

"Heh. you're sounding a bit like me. Do you end up in a book more often than not as well?" He pauses and then clears his throat. "Not... literally, unlike this case."

"I've always had it in the form of my courage and determination. It just got twisted by my master into something far more sinister." Those good qualities aren't something Sidious ever had to indoctrinate into Maul. He's had them ever since he was a small child. He often thinks they may have been one of the only reasons he got through the childhood from hell intact.

Maul brightens up at the mention of books. "Very much so. It was one of the few indulgences my master allowed me growing up. I was allowed to read any book in his library..." There's a slight pause. "...including quite a number of them that weren't at all appropriate for children." Fortunately, Maul had still been innocent enough not to understand what things like genocide and the subjugation of entire planets meant. It had all just flown right over his little horned head. "Here, I have read many Earth books from their various versions and a few from other universes as well."

"That's good that you have that. If it got twisted though... there's hope for it to be straightened out again." He has to keep up hope, anyway. He doesn't ever want to give up on anyone, even people with qualities he doesn't enjoy.

He chuckles a little bit. "I never had the chance to read inappropriate books as a child. There weren't many books where I grew up, and I only occasionally had access to them when we had excess things to trade to wandering merchants. But I've read plenty of... I wouldn't say inappropriate, but definitely more risky and forbidden subjects. Though the restricted section I recently had access too was a wealth of information I would have loved to spend more time in. Unfortunately we only really had time to find the book we were looking for and leave, lest we anger the custodians of the library."

"I prefer to think of it as being a little less in the darkness. I'll never be fully in the light but I can settle for being in some grayish twilight of my own making." He hopes Nara'a understands what he's trying to say. So often Maul feels he can't adequately express everything going on in his mind.

"You had to face very angry librarians when looking for a single book?" Maul asks with a bit of amusement in his voice. Somehow, that sounds both absurd and yet on-point for what Maul has come to know about the catman's universe.

"That makes sense. A little more of a balance." He smiles at the other man and nods at the question.

How to even explain... "It was in a nation of very isolated scholars. They have vast libraries and study many things, but their general policy is to remain neutral on world events. They have a section of books that are restricted, due to what they consider to be dangerous content. And a lot of it probably is - how to summon monsters, dark and twisted rituals, and... other such things." Including, apparently, forbidden smut.

"Interesting. That sounds like a number of planets I can think of in my own world." Mandalore immediately springs to mind, with its semi-isolationist sentiment at times and desire to stay neutral during the Clone Wars. It also described the way his home planet of Dathomir operated sometimes towards outsiders, cagey and wary, keeping the secrets of the Nightsisters close to their chests. Even the Jedi, with their way of destroying Sith artifacts and recorded records so that none could learn the old ways.

"Oh? Interesting. It's... well. It's a wonderful place to study, not so wonderful if you want to see the outside world. Though I have a number of friends who did get their education there... their isolationist tendencies are starting to crack a bit now that we used some of their resources to fight to save existence."

He says it casually, even though he knows that it's going to just invite more questions. "But they're very stubborn... most of them, anyway. There's a reason that people who care about the wider world tend to leave."

"You saved.....existence itself?" Maul asks, clearly interested if he'd heard that correctly. Frankly, he wants Nara'a to write that book for the Archives purely so he can keep everything he's been told about the man's universe straight. On occasion, some of it is just so bizarre and beyond comprehension to the Sith.

"... Yes. There was a force that wanted to end everything because she thought it was kinder than letting people suffer through the terrible things that happen in life. ... But she lost sight of what was good in life - good people, friendships, love, happiness... there's always a spark of hope in the deepest despair." He's not wrong - even Nara'a has trouble believing some of the things he's done.

"Life is worth living because of what is inherent to it. I feel life all around me with my senses in the Force, all the beautiful points of life and color that make it up from all the beings that have a life force to them. It's so beautiful and I wish sometimes others could see it. It would make them understand why it is important to go on living even through suffering, pain, and hardship."

This is one of the softest sides there is to Maul. When he was young, the beauty was all he saw in the Force. As he grew older, the shadow of his master clouded that beauty, making Maul only see the worst things that were around him. Now, he's starting to finally see the good again, all the beauty he remembers experiencing as a child.

"I feel similarly. I'm not particularly more sensitive to aether than anyone else, but the things it creates! Blue skies, singing birds, grand cities and barren wastes. It's all something worth seeing, and life is worth living to see it all." He smiles at the other and nods in understanding. "I didn't want to see all of that beauty and life and love disappear... so I fought."

So did so many others, from him to the person who did the smallest bit on their ship. Everyone helped. "Though I could have done without getting planets thrown at me..." Turns out that those hurt.

"That is a noble cause to fight for," Maul said. He felt just a touch envious. Maul's never had an honorable cause to fight for, something that he believed in so strongly he'd be willing to die for it. Sure, he would have been willing to die as a Sith Lord, but there was little honor or anything noble about dying just for those principles.

To die to protect someone or something else that they believed in so strongly....yes, Maul would have liked to have something like that in his life.

As usual, Maul felt more questions than answers with Nara'a speaking with him. "Planets....thrown at you?" Had he heard that correctly?

"Small ones, and more..." How does he put this? "In that area everything was more the conceptual idea of itself. So not literal planets but the idea of planets. But they still hurt. And yes, I known it makes no sense. I was there and it still doesn't completely make sense."

It's given him multiple headaches in the months since. Sometimes he thinks it's better to not try to think about it at all.

Maul felt like his very brain hurt just hearing about Nara'a's world sometimes. This was one of those times. "Your world is so very strange. It is as if all the laws of reality and physics are mere suggestions rather than hard and fast rules."

"... To be fair it's mostly that place where that's the case. Most of the rest I have at least a groundwork of aetherology knowledge to go off of. ... Most of it."

Not... all of it.

"You shall have to tell me more about the study of aetherology at some point in the future." Maul was definitely invested now in learning more about the subject. As he well know, knowledge was power in almost all cases where something new was learned.

i'm not a superhero [September Catch-All]

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Minor 6.1 spoilers

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6.1 spoilers

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Endwalker spoilers

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