deercountry | Brotherly Confessions

Entry tags:

Brotherly Confessions

Who: Shouto + Ochako, Bakugou and possibly Iida
What: Shouto tells his classmates about the other Todoroki roaming around the streets of Trench, turns out they already knew. Go figure!
Where: Various places
When: Mid-September.
Warnings: None (will edit as needed)

After his encounter with Shigaraki and Touga, Shouto comes to the realization that his classmates might be the only ones in the dark regarding a certain trench-wearing individual with a thing for stitches. Time to fess up and come clean about the skeletons in his closet. Too bad they've already seen what's inside. Per usual, he's the one in the dark.

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[ Once he's made up his mind, the first place he goes is to Bakugou and Uraraka's place of residence thinking of hitting two birds with one stone. Iida is supposed to be staying with them so he might catch them all there and confess all at once. ~~Too bad only Ochako is home.~~

With his sense of sight gone, it takes him longer than usual to make his way to the familiar residence. Using his make-shift cane made of ice to get around and eventually makes it to the front door having only tripped three times on his sojourn.

Two quick knocks and Shouto waits at the door. He rests his ice cane resting against the front door so he can feel when someone opens the front door. Once open he states his business without any preamble. ]

I'm here to tell you something I've been keeping from you.

[ After his talk with Ochako, Shouto seeks out Bakugou who is out on patrol. After speaking with a few people he garners a guess to where he might be and waits for him at a place he's likely to pass. He's there for... a while. Sitting perfectly still until his omen, a young snow leopard, grows restless and takes off in search of a certain blond-haired bomber.

Eventually, Kizu finds Bakugou and pounces from above landing near his feet and blasting telepathic - Come! Come!- in his head before taking off toward her Sleeper, leaving Bakugou to chase after her or ignore the odd encounter. ]

Edited 2022-09-17 15:22 (UTC)

[It's Ochako's day for cleaning while Bakugou was out on patrol, which actually worked out for her. Normally they'd switch days like this - where ones does the cleaning, and the other does the cooking and grocery shopping. While her boyfriend was out, she could easily text him a list of things they needed around the house, and he'd bring them back when he was done his patrol. It worked, and it felt nice to have that means of communicating throughout the day sometimes, too.

Ochako is alone, yes, and she pauses in her dusting when two raps at the door reach her. It's not unheard of to get guests, she's actually had Akko come over a bit since she moved in close by, but it's still uncommon!]

Coming!! Just a minute! [Setting her rag aside, Ochako cleans her hands and then goes to open the door, smiling at the sight of none other than a rare visitor, but a welcome one always.] Ah!! Todoroki-kun, welc--...um.

[Wh-What? What in the world?? Ochako feels like the rug's been pulled out from under her suddenly, and it takes her a moment to recover, shaking her head. Good lord, Shouto, a hello would have been nice?!]

Eh...o-okay? Um, d-do you want to come inside? Or I can come out... [Woof, this became extremely weighted and very awkward before she could even get a breath in.]

[ Hello from the other side~ ]

It's better if we go inside.

[ He says, looking behind his shoulder as if some imaginary foe might be watching him from the shadows, before swinging his gaze back to her and nodding politely at the offer while he waits for her to show him inside. ]

Edited 2022-09-18 05:09 (UTC)

[Katsuki comes out fully prepared for a lot of things on patrol. A tiny fucking snow leopard landing just near his feet seemingly out of nowhere??? Ain't one of 'em. He starts, both hands opening reflexively and giving a little crackle before he snaps them shut quickly. Likewise, the brief look on his face, twisted angry shock since he doesn't take well to being startled, is very short lived as he forces himself to scrub it away so as not to let himself be that easily read.

'Come! Come!' The telepathic message is clear, but equally ill received by the increasingly aggravated blond. He doesn't move from his spot right away, instead opting to glare daggers after the small omen bounding away from him.]

...who the fuck d'ya think you are, you shitty little fur ball?! Telling me what to do! Tch! [He oughta skin it just for the audacity, honestly! Not following out of spite alone is an option that Katsuki weighs heavily but he's no stranger to omens (though he isn't aware of who this one belongs to, seeing as he's only spoken to Kizu on the omni before), and he is on patrol. Whatever is on the other end of this message probably needs attention, fucking annoying as it is. So begrudgingly, he follows.

Before long, he spots his classmate waiting in the place he'd chosen to try to intercept Katsuki. Heavy footfalls are a good indicator that the explosive teen is approaching, but if that isn't enough, he's addressing him with a raised voice as he comes closer. The sneer can practically be heard from where he is.] The fuck're you doin' just sitting around like that, Halfie?

[ Hearing his approach, Shouto raises his head and turns in his general direction revealing the long ice cane which he uses to 'see' in front of him before taking a step forward. ]

I came to look for you.

[ He says, grey and teal staring right past him, speaking more at the tree behind him than his classmate. ]

I need to tell you something I've been keeping from you.

Edited 2022-09-18 05:12 (UTC)

[Okay, that's weird as hell. This fucker is looking right past him.

If he socialized any, he'd probably know that certain blood types are having issues this month, but his few interactions up until now haven't clued him in to that fact. All he knows is that his classmate is acting like he's gone blind, and this is surprising. In a concerning way, but he isn't about to express that outwardly. He'll just bluntly address it like it's nothing, instead.]

Okay?! You fuckin' blind? Right here, dumbass! [That's an obnoxious snap of his fingers, right in front of Todoroki's face. And if he sounds a little exasperated at the next part, well. He is.]

So fuckin' spill it then. I got shit to do.

Oh. Yes, I am. [ He should have mentioned it at the start, he sees now that Bakugou brought it up. ] For two weeks now.

[ The sound is helpful in tracking his actual location and he adjusts his gaze, staring at his left shoulder. ]

But that's not what I needed to tell you.

[Two weeks, and he says it so casually?!

What the fuck.

He's staring at Todoroki like he has two heads. But apparently this fucker is just fine, that ain't what he needed to tell him, so that'll just. Go on the back shelf for a minute. Or forever. Depending???]

Hah?? So fucking tell me already then, asshole! What've you been hiding, aside from a sudden case of vision loss?!

[Or, more aptly, hello darkness, my old friend...]

Right...please, come inside. [She opens wide the door, ushering him in and pointing to where there's some clean house slippers he can use (Ochako got a few cheap ones a while back, for guests specifically). She's actually far more tense and strung out than she was just moments ago, not at all sure what to expect. The gesture he makes also does not help and her brows furrow immediately, bit caught between her teeth.]

Should I make some tea?

[ Without missing a beat, and sounding like it came straight out of a script of a telenovela, Shouto delivers his secret in a monotone lilt. ]

Dabi from the League of Villians is my long-lost dead brother, Todoroki Touya. I've been meeting him in secret for months in order to get to know him better since Endeavor kept us apart after he tried to kill me when I was a baby. So far, he's only tried to kill me three times but that was when he first arrived. I believe our relationship has improved and I hope, in the future, we can share a meal together.

[ I've come to talk with you again~

He starts taking off his shoes the moment he comes inside, spotting the slippers only after the first shoe is off. He slips them on without preamble and follows Uraraka inside, facial expression calm as ever as if he didn't just show up at her doorstep, out of the blue, to lay a confession at her feet he's been keeping for months. ]

You can make some for yourself, if you'd like. I can wait here.

[The second that he hears Dabi's name, he's pretty sure he knows what's coming. That doesn't stop the blond's glower getting sharper by the second though.

Fuck's sake. He's that outta the loop, that he's coming at them with this senseless confession?! That's a goddamn problem, and he's not thrilled with the idea that he's gonna have to fix that. He hates getting into other people's business, but this is ridiculous.]

I knew that shit already, Two Tone. When Cheeks, Deku 'n I were cocooned, we were there. In that timeline. [The only new thing to unpack here is the highly concerning comment about the attempts on his life. Katsuki isn't about to let that one go for even a second. Might act one way, but he does give a shit.] The fuck is that though?! Only three times? 'm not- [He sounds frustrated, but it's more with himself than anything in that moment. Not great at this whole... expressing concern thing.] 'm not fuckin' trying to tell you what to do here- [Really, he isn't. The Todoroki has some seriously fucked up baggage, and it's not all black and white. It can't be, nothing is.] -but meeting him in secret when he's tried to off you multiple times? The hell're you thinking?! At least be fucking smart about it!

[Fuck. Katsuki's pinching the bridge of his nose, a low aggravated sound emitting from his throat. He moves to lean on the tree Todoroki'd been addressing before. If Shouto doesn't know that they all knew, then what else hasn't made it's way to him?!

They've all seriously fucked up here, haven't they?]

Didn't know you were this far in the dark. I've got shit I probably need to tell you too, in that case.

[Ochako hums a bit at the comment, thoughtful and unsure, but eventually decides she will indeed prefer the relaxing calm a cup of tea may provide. She has no idea what this conversation is going to be about, or what Todoroki would be hiding from her, so she settles onto the couch with her steaming mug once it's been prepped...

And simply waits for him to start.]

[ Once she's settled, Shouto sets his hands on top of his knees and leans a little forward like a kid with too much energy. Looking a little earnest, he delivers a script straight out of a telenovela. ]

Dabi from the League of Villians is my long-lost dead brother, Todoroki Touya. I've been meeting him in secret for months in order to get to know him better since Endeavor kept us apart after he tried to kill me when I was a baby. So far, he's only tried to kill me three times but that was when he first arrived. I believe our relationship has improved and I hope, in the future, we can share a meal together.

[ Blind or not, Bakugou's growing annoyance goes completely over his head and he keeps going until he lays it all out looking visibly relieved - if you squint - with his shoulders rounding a bit forward, back no longer so straight. He keeps staring at the tree, his head tipping down closer to his location when he responds.

Huh? He knew already?!

Dumbfounded by that news, his mouth opens a little to say something but comes up blank. Still reeling about their jump in the timeline, he completely misses the reprimand over his dance with death not that he views it in those terms. ]

What's the last thing you remember?

[ He finally asks, still missing his frustration though he does manage to offer an explanation regarding their secret meetings. ]

He's my brother.

[ And that really paints the whole picture, doesn't it? When it comes to family, Shouto doesn't always act in a rational manner. The heart leads and he follows. ]

There's more?

[ He asks, still grappling with the timeline jump. Did something happen when they're from? ]

Edited 2022-09-22 01:30 (UTC)

[Not happening. The explosive teenager ain't letting it go, the rest can wait. He's starting to sound pissed, but not in the not-actually-fun, not-at-all-loving oh that's just Katsuki kind of way. This is fucking serious.]

Yeah, he's your brother. Fucking got that. Point still stands, if you're gonna do shit like get all fuckin sappy and cozy with him, y'gotta let someone know you're with the guy! What happens when he actually does kill you, and none of us even fucking know, hah?! You really that kind of an asshole?!

He won't kill me.

[ It's a truth that he's come to realize and one only Touya has the power to take away from him. ]

[Is he fucking serious right now?

Katsuki pushes off of the tree, takes the two steps forward that it takes to get really fucking close to Todoroki. This time, with their faces just inches apart, his voice is low and dangerous. This is a different kind of anger.

It's the kind that comes when Katsuki actually cares.]

D'you honestly expect me to believe that?! You just told me he's tried to murder you three separate times while here. [A breath, so so very measured, as he tries to convey what he means without ruining it all with the temper that so desperately wants to rear its head right now.] I ain't fucking trying to tell you not to see him. Not my place, it ain't anyone's. But people... they fucking care about you. Your friends. And they deserve to know if something happens. That's it. If you're gonna keep doing it, then tell someone when you do. Tell me.

[Don't be that kind of asshole. Someone's gotta know.]

[Oh! Oh, that was all. Ochako opens her mouth to say that she already knew about Dabi, but then promptly shuts it as she looks on with a positively horrified expression when he keeps going, detailing everything else he's been doing...without anyone's knowledge. What the--...he can't be serious. Todoroki cannot be serious about what he's saying.]

Todoroki-kun...I already knew about Dabi. I was put into one of those cocoons a few months back, and I think I returned home for a while. Me, Deku, and Bakugou all together went through the same thing. [She assumed someone would tell him. Or perhaps she forgot? So much happened around that time it's hard to remember.] But I--...

Todoroki-kun, you can't be serious!! Please! Going out on your own without telling anyone...almost getting yourself killed th-three times!!! I know you want to reconnect with him, but you have to realize how dangerous what you're doing is! They...all of them, the entire League of Villains, even your brother... [Especially his brother.] ...they can't be trusted. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but...it's the truth.

None of us can change that.

[ His sightless gaze remains on the tree and before he knows it, Bakugou's in front of him. He's used to this, the invasion of space, and accepts it without feeling like he needs to adjust to him. His head tips down, zeroing in on him - at last - when he speaks up. How ironic that it's his words that end up catching him off guard instead of his presence. Shouto never cared for the rivalry he once tried to push on him but this he cares about. What he has to say, even so, he doesn't agree with him. ]

I also said our relationship has improved since then. He won't attack me without a reason. [ He knows this in his heart. ]

I don't trust him implicitly. I know he's dangerous, but I... [ how to explain how he feels ] I don't want to treat him like a villain.

Edited 2022-09-23 03:21 (UTC)

Huh? She knew already?!

The explanation comes just as quickly as his surprise. He stares, dumbfounded by the news but taking it in stride. It'll just take him a moment or two... maybe three. She said Midoriya and Bakugou knew too. Did Iida?

How far ahead of me are they? He thinks before her protest catches him off guard. ]

[ He listens as best he can but he simply can't agree with her. Not after a year in Trench. Its colored his worldview and made him see the dwindling gap between heroes and villains when not pitted against one another. ]

I don't trust him implicitly.

[ He knows Dabi is dangerous. ]

But I don't... [ how to explain how he feels ] I don't want to treat him like a villain.

Not what I'm asking you to do. Clean your fucking ears out. I don't care how you treat him. I'm not telling you not to see your brother.

[You're really starting to piss him off, Shouto. Putting words in his mouth, assuming that he doesnt understand. Blatantly ignoring what he has said.] I know, probably better than most people here, how goddamn dangerous he is. I don't think what you're doing is smart. But I never once asked that of you. Because I know you're going to do it anyway. [His voice lowers here, another beat for the breath he takes. For the moment of clenching his fist, tight enough to dig nails into the palm of his hand. Steeling himself, to say what he never has.] I'm only gonna say this once, Todoroki. I'm one of those fucking people. I give a shit. We're supposed to be a goddamn team. All of us. Can't do that, can't back you up, can't help you or even mourn your dumb ass if I don't even fucking know.

[So what's it gonna be? You gonna tell him to go fuck himself when Katsuki has offered as much support as he reasonably fucking can, you difficult asshole?]

Edited 2022-09-23 05:39 (UTC)

[Ochako sees the shock, and inwardly kicks herself. Damn...she really thought the other boys told him about their stint in those gross cocoon things. Of all people, Ochako expected Deku to be the one - he knew about the process, and was closest to Todoroki in terms of camaraderie. She makes a note to ask about everyone's point in their timeline, just so everyone knows not to divulge too much...or too little.

Later though, because Ochako has, erm...bigger things to worry about. She chews her lower lip, looking sympathetic. She gets what Todoroki is saying, she really does. Hell, Ochako may be the best person to understand exactly what Todoroki is saying.]

I know, Todoroki-kun, believe me...and you don't have to treat any of them that way. We can still be courteous, and civil, but just...if you meet with any of them alone, you have to let us know, okay? [It's just like with Deku - he ran off on his own, and it nearly destroyed him.] You don't have to shoulder this alone anymore, we're here for you, but you...need to let us know what's going on.

You don't have to treat him like a villain, you can be kind, but don't forget that he still is a villain. There's... [She takes a deep breath, remembering the two Togas. Even if she reached out her hand...nothing would change. A Hero can't save someone who refuses to be saved, or doesn't believe that anything is wrong.] There's got to be a line in the sand, y'know? A point you shouldn't cross.

...Cuz I'm afraid we won't reach you, otherwise. [Just like Deku.]

I know what's not what you're asking, but that's what it feels like.

[ His feelings are complicated when it comes to his brother. He was more cautious when Dabi first arrived. It was only after months of steady talks that he grew to... not trust him exactly, but... he wants to. He wants to be able to hang out with him like a brother. He's afraid if he starts treating him like someone dangerous, like someone he needs to report on - when he's seeing him, when he's back - he might break that careful truce they've built over time.

He understands Bakugou's position. His brother is dangerous. He's not denying that, but to treat him differently... he won't do that either. He won't be the one who sets the divide of hero and villain between them. That's not what he wants. Anything else, he'd agree to. It makes logical sense. It's not unreasonable, but then why doesn't it 'feel' right?

He struggles to put those thoughts into words when Bakugou speaks his name. He blinks, his expression changing subtly in the widening of his eyes. ]

I... know you do.

[ Give a shit. Did he think he didn't know that? ]

But I... I can't change what I feel.

[ Feelings are... complicated. Even more so the socially inept. He's trying his hardest to navigate the bloody mess that his family. So far, the only way he's been able to do that is to follow his heart and do what he feelsis right and this doesn't feel right. ]

I don't know how to fucking spell it out for you any more clearly--that's NOT what I'm getting at so just--![The sound that tears out of his throat as he hits an all time high of frustration reflects how he's feeling, clearly.

He's not good at this. Not good at talking shit out, not good at handling people's feelings with any kind of tact. Katsuki is like a bull in a china shop when it comes to emotions, and somewhere deep down he knows that he's partly to blame for their continuing to go in circles on this. He's never been one to sugar coat a damn thing--he doesn't doesn't dull himself down for anyone or anything, never fucking has. Never wanted to. So he says what he feels, says exactly what he means and anyone who doesn't like it, takes it wrong or gets offended can be kiss his ass. But... sometimes when Katsuki actually finds himself trying to reach someone in ways that he never dreamed he would give a shit to, it becomes really clear how damn problematic his own mindset and personality can be. Which is always real fucking sobering, at times. And aggravating as hell.

Definitely doesn't like having to repeat himself over and over, taking stabs at different wording to try to get his point across. Katsuki from a year ago wouldn't have even bothered by this point. Hell, he wouldn't have even tried to reach a hand out in the first place. Probably would've told him to piss off the second he tried to lay some kind of confession at his feet. But that's not who he is anymore, no matter how much that older instinct gnaws at his core. He might be an asshole, and he might not have the faintest idea of how to navigate friendship because of that, but he's not who he used to be. He's trying to fucking figure it out, even when it pisses him off to the point of resisting the urge to blow something up.

You can knock him down fifty times Shouto, but Katsuki's gonna get up again and again.]

So don't. No one gets to tell you how to feel or handle being around your brother when you've believed he was dead for years, no matter what they think of him! No one! All I'm--[Asking. He's fucking asking you for this, even if those aren't the words he chooses to use.] All I wanna fucking know is-[Sucking in a steeling breath for this last part, because fucking hell... saying anything like this seriously makes Katsuki's skin crawl. Wearing his heart on his sleeve, practically begging for one of his rivals... his friend to let him give a shit about him... it's extremely difficult.]-if you're okay. Or if you're not. That's it.

I'm not shouldering it alone. That's why I'm here, to let you know.

[ So, everyone is on the same page, yet he feels like he's missing something here, just under the surface. ]

A line in the sand?

[ It remains murky and unclear. ]

What do you mean?

[ He's not knocking him down?? He's telling him how he feels.

Maybe it's the differences in their personalities that have them missing each other, or maybe it's Shouto's social ineptitude making an appearance. Either way, the sound that comes out of Bakugou has him grow quiet as he re-evaluates his words. He's aware he doesn't always understand things that seem obvious to others, but it's difficult for him to put his feelings into words when he was always struck down for them. Endeavor was always deaf to his pleas and turned a blind eye to his tears until Shouto stopped expressing himself altogether. He went from an expressive child who clung to his mother to a brooding teen who didn't know how to communicate outside of battlefield tactics. That was the only thing Endeavor cared about, the rest got torn up.

Yet, not even years of gaslighting could completely tear out the core of him. It remained, hidden under layers of thick ice that started to thaw in the last year. That's why his expression doesn't settle back into the cool neutrality that once set off Inasa but further morphs into a subtle expression of curious regard.

Though few would ever point it out, Shouto is as blunt as Bakugou in his demeanor. He's just a lot more bland about it. Maybe that's why Bakugou's personality never bothered him. He was also the easiest of his classmates to read along with Iida. The two of them always said exactly what they meant and meant exactly what they said making it easy for someone like him to understand them.

He's always focused on what Bakugou says instead of how he says it, and therein lies the problem and the reason why they keep talking in circles. Shouto misses the obvious frustration in his tone and the concerted effort Bakugou puts in to try and make him understand. All of this, Shouto misses. He doesn't mean to, he's simply too broken to see what's in front of him. So, it's only through Bakugou's determination to make him understand that finally gets his point across, hitting a combination of words that he can understand.

His head tips to the side as the point finally hits home and he stares. ]

... You want me to tell you how I'm doing?

Edited 2022-10-07 03:21 (UTC)

[It's... been tense for the last few minutes now, so nothing has changed, it hangs heavy in the air as the blond watches Shouto's face like a hawk--scrutinizing critically every subtle change in his expression. Ain't much to gather there at first, they're complete opposites in that regard. It's not until that irritating two toned head tips that Katsuki releases the breath that he doesn't even realize he's been holding.

Fucking finally, you absolute asshole. Least this motherfucker fucker can't see the sort of... exasperated relief that washes over the ever posturing explosive hero with that breath he lets out.

He has a feeling he's going to regret this, in some way. Its a petty, minor thought, in reality. Mostly in the finding himself agitated front, because his classmate tends to take things so literally that it's sometimes painful. The way that question is phrased? Big fat red flag. He can just see it now, the potential for randomly getting status update messages that have nothing to do with anything at all.

But...]

Yeah. [That affirmation hangs in the air for a second, while he digs deep to force himself into saying even more blatantly sentimental crap he would typically avoid like the plague.

He really hates putting himself out there like that. Seriously hates it. It feels so foreign, and that makes it uncomfortable as hell.] I guess I do. The fact that you didn't even know that I already knew about Dabi is a fucking problem. And that means you definitely don't know what's happened with me since we all got back, either. I ain't a fuckin' expert on friendship, but it doesn't take a genius to know that that's seriously screwed up. That's on both of us. And we're changing that shit. Here and now.

[ That relieved sigh goes right over his head. Sometimes it pays to have a dense friend.

They are... friends, right? Bakugou admitted as much, a fact that has him blinking in his own startled manner with the way his eyes widen slightly at the admission. To think he thought he failed on that front after Bakugou denied it loudly in front of the cameras after their debut and subsequent tv interview. So, it comes as a sort of jolt to his system that he'd label him a friend now.

When did that change?

Despite his denial, Shouto thought of him as a friend. Though it weighed in his mind that it wasn't reciprocated. It reminded him too much of Inasa and his own fault in his denial of friendship, and thought he might be at fault with Bakugou too. ]

I can do that.

[ This request is entirely different from what he thought he was asking in the first place. For one, it has nothing to do with his brother and everything to do with Bakugou. Maybe that's why he keeps staring at him as if that would help him better understand this new side of him. ]

What happened with you?

Todoroki...

[He doesn't get it, and Ochako's trying to be supportive, but she's also scared. She's scared he's going to end up seriously hurt because he's putting himself in a dangerous position because he wants to see his brother, which she understands. Trench may be the only place, right now, that the two may actually have a chance to actually talk without the consistent animosity that's been literally bred into them by Endeavor.]

Mm, yeah. It's like...a point of no return. [Ochako furrows her brows, trying to think how best to put it.] I guess, what I'm saying is...don't cross into a place where it'd be hard for us to get to you. Or putting your desires ahead of your safety.

[A long, deep breath, because it's...not easy. It's not easy to intervene, even as Todoroki's friend.] We can't stop you from doing what you feel is right, what you want to do, but...we all want to make sure you stay safe, that's all. Dabi-san is dangerous, not just to you, but to all of us. And that's not bringing into account he's also on a 'team' that's probably concerned about him the same way we are about you. Or that hates every one of us. I can't--...I can't not believe that if Shigaraki-san pulled the trigger, at any time, you know what side he'd choose.

[The one that he'd perceive as the strongest. The winning side. The League.]

Um, I-I guess, what I'm saying is: don't go anywhere alone, or without at least telling us about it. So, if...i-if things get really bad, we can help you. Please.

[ The first time they met in Trench, Touya tried to kill him. The animosity was still alive only time dimmed its hold on his brother. Something Shouto noticed in the way he started opening up little by little; fewer threats, more questions. After months of steady work, idle talk became the norm between them, and more recently, talk about their family. Shouto isn't willing to give that up by changing their dynamic when they've finally reached a place where they can simply be themselves without titles like hero and villain drawing a divide.

He understands her worry, which is why he's considering her words and not turning them down directly, but he also knows what it is he wants, what he's worked toward since the moment Touya gave him an inch. ]

I'm not crossing into anywhere. [ This is where she loses him. ] We've always put our desires ahead of our safety. That's why we're in UA's hero course.

[ A tilt of his head. ]

Unless you mean doing something reckless.

[ He's looking closely at her, noting the way she breathes in deeply. Is something wrong? A concern he's about to voice when Uraraka starts explaining and he lets it go.

He's silent throughout, his expression changing minutely in the subtle furrow of his brow when she mentions 'Dabi' and 'Shigaraki'. It's not until she brings up going anywhere alone that his eyes go completely flat. ]

You want to monitor my movements?

Edited 2022-10-10 21:49 (UTC)

[Is it really time...or the fact that Dabi's "goal" in Trench is completely lost? Endeavor isn't here, Heroes don't exist, and death isn't permanent for Sleepers anyway. Not usually. Nothing that the elder Todoroki could do would have a lasting effect if he were to really act on it. Catharsis, maybe, at least for the moment. But in the way Ochako is slowly trying to reach out to Toga, Shouto is trying to reach out to his brother, too. That's why it's so sad...because this will all end.

Once they return home, all of this will come to an abrupt end. Shouto may not have fully realized that where Ochako has, perhaps because she's been to a different world before Trench, but it's just the reality of how this nexus works - time stops on the other end, and will resume once the "missing piece" is returned. That's how it was when she woke up from that cocoon, with no memory of ever being anywhere but in Musutafu.]

Todoroki, we put others' safety before our desires. Before our own safety - that's what it means to be a Hero. And that's why I'm just asking you to...to rely on us a little. To communicate with us just in case you need us. Just keep us informed, that's all. I'm not trying to monitor you, I'm not trying to tell you to stay away from your brother, or to change how you want to act around him, but I just...

[Ochako rubs her face, leaning her head back as she flumps backward onto their couch.]

...I can't forgive him. I won't. I won't forgive any of the League's members for what they did, and...I don't think anyone else will, either. [Nor should they!! Forgiving them, or pardoning their bloody history, would be like spitting on the graves of everyone they killed. Everyone they hurt. Bakugou was kidnapped by them, by Dabi, specifically. Hawks can't fly well anymore because of Dabi.] You need to realize that, Todoroki-kun. Dabi's actions don't effect just you - they effect, have effected, all of us. I want to support you, and I trust you, I do...

But I'm scared. I'm scared. [Her eyes get a little glassy, and Ochako scrubs roughly at her face, voice small and tight.] I don't want anything to happen to anyone else.

[ He doesn't know about any of that. What it's like to go back to their world and return ahead of their timeline. That realization that none of what happened here had any effect there. That all of these memories they're building belong to this place alone. Maybe that's why he's not as jaded about what's possible here. Why he's so protective of the budding relationship he's built with his brother over the last few months. The only other person who knew what he was doing was killed by Dabi while under the influence of a mind-altering monster that took the form of a blue butterfly. Allen found out about his true relationship with Dabi through his fight with his brother, and despite being killed by him, he didn't discourage his pursuits after he returned from the sea.

Maybe that's why Shouto isn't so receptive to this line of questioning. He doesn't think in terms of heroes and villains anymore. Not after a year in Trench where survival meant working together. Where titles of the old world meant little in a place where they held no societal meaning. Where people changed all the time. He's seen his brother's gradual change with his own eyes. He went from wanting to kill him on sight to speaking candidly with him while they worked toward a common pursuit. ]

Forgive... him?

[ He blinks, not realizing until that moment just how much Uraraka cared about this. He stares as she struggles with herself but keeps going, knowing exactly what she means to say once she finds her stride, and Shouto stays quiet, understanding her point, while disagreeing with it in his own way. He wants to explain himself, but it's hard to put into words what he's barely begun to uncover under the ice. Emotions he had long frozen over were slowly thawing out, and he was barely keeping up with them. Unlike Uraraka, he didn't know himself well enough to put into words the feelings that drive him, so he starts with what matters most: ]

... What are you scared of?

[But the thing is, Ochako isn;t discouraging the pursuit at all!! That's not what she wants! She is concerned, of course, but keeping Todoroki away from Dabi is an impossibility and it's not her place to even attempt to shutter them off. She's all too aware that if Shouto, or any of them honestly, want to do something and put their mind to it...no force on earth can stop them. Keeping the two Todorokis apart IS NOT what she wants.

That line of thinking would probably startle Ochako, because it's so dangerous. She will always be a Hero, no matter where she is, and it was someone in Nippon who made her secure that steadfast resolve of never losing sight of where she came from, who she really is. Everyone needs a Hero, and they exist in every single world, ever single place, if one is bold enough to take on the moniker and the responsibility and duties of one. It my not be exactly like the Heroes they've grown up knowing, but the ideal is still the same. In that way, Ochako will never lose sight of her hopes and dreams. She will grow, and she will change, but at her core...she will always be Uravity.

But that growth and change means she can try to understand the League not as villains, but as people. She can work together with them to survive, and actually has already! But the thing is...they won't change. Why? Because they don't want to, simple as that. Dabi himself said it, didn't he? The past never dies.]

Mm, he's done too many things to hurt others. Hurt you, Bakugou, Deku, all of us. [Ochako closes her eyes, she takes a long, long moment to breathe and collect her thoughts, mulling over what she wants to say next, and how best to say it. What is she so scared of? Well, the simple answer is what she whispered before - she doesn't want anyone else to get hurt, but that's just scratching the surface.]

...I'm afraid of losing you, Todoroki-kun. [She finally opens her eyes, and looks him dead in the eye, nothing but concern radiating off of her.] We've already lost so much during this stupid war, and...a-and--! R-Right now, you remind me too much of Deku when he left UA, and we all had to chase him down and bring him back, like that one time in the forest here, too...when me and Bakugou first arrived. You're acting all on your own, without thinking of our feelings, or taking yourself and your safety into consideration. I don't think I can handle losing anyone else...it'll be too heavy.

[Ochako chews her lip and sniffles, remembering Midnight, Aizawa and his now missing eye and leg...the sacrifice he had to make just to keep his quirk. All the other dozens or Heroes, of real people, who died during Hosu. The...bodies....she pulled from the rubble of Machia's rampage.]

I just want to know that you're okay...and if you need us, we can come to you right away. That's all. We love you, Todoroki-kun, you're our friend. Don't stop trying to make nice with your brother, but just tell us. Talk to us. Let us know you're okay.

[ Maybe that's the difference between them. He didn't choose a moniker. He chose 'Shouto'. Not his family name, not a moniker of his quirk, but him. A name to validate himself. His feelings. No matter where he ends up, he will always be Shouto. Will always protect the innocent and try to put them at ease. It's not part of being a hero to him, but simply a part of him. He joined the Hunters to protect the innocent for the same reason. Clashed with them when he disagreed with their treatment of the 'Beasts' because no matter what world he ends up in, he will never accept the act of killing.

Then there is his brother. Touya.

At the start, he was more cautious with him. Unable to accept the death on his hands any more than he could accept the Hunters who killed monsters. He clashed with the Hunters. He clashed with Touya, then found common ground with him like he did the Hunters. Not with the ones who killed but with the small faction who protected both civilians and monsters alike. It was the same with Touya, as his brother began to change so did his view of him. He became less cautious. More open. As time passed, they both began to leave behind the titles that once separated them closing the gap between them.

Despite what he did back in their world, his brother has changed in Trench. He's seen it with his own eyes, lived it. He's still dangerous, he won't refute that, but he's not the same person who once tried to kill him. ]

I know he's hurt others. I haven't forgotten.

[ So, did Endeavor and Shouto still fought alongside him. He walks in shades of grey. It's the only way to move forward without condemning his family in one form or another, something he doesn't want.

Or his friends, for that matter.

He won't condemn them either or ignore their concerns. He cares about them too much, so he listens when Uraraka airs hers. Grows still when she starts to lose herself to her feelings the same way he did more often these days. Concern fills his eyes as his expression changes subtly into one of disquiet. Are you okay? ]

I'm not Midoriya.

[ A grey and teal eye settle on her as he turns her words over in his mind.

You're acting all on your own, without thinking of our feelings... I'm afraid of losing you, Todoroki-kun.

Guided by instincts, he sets a hand on her upper arm, establishing a quiet connection. His grip is light, easy to break, but undeniably present. ]

Are you afraid I'm going to get killed?

[ He asks, quiet in his intonation. ]

I've been here from the start. Before you and Bakugou. Before Midoriya... [ There's a pause there as he tries to find the right words. ] I think I got used to being on my own in that time.

[ A pause, short but filled with thoughtful cause. ]

I didn't mean to ignore your feelings. I don't know how to tell you I'm okay. I'm not... good at expressing myself.

[ Or putting her at ease. ]

I don't mean to make you worry. Any of you.

Edited 2022-10-27 04:14 (UTC)

[They're all trying to find their sense of self, even Ochako. She's still very much raised on the teachings of UA - what is means to be a Hero, a True Hero - but she's also grown and experienced many different cultures, morals, and ethics from the people she's met over two worlds' worth of travel. Ochako will always be herself, always uphold what she feels is right, but she also keeps close what she's learned from home as well. Momentos, perhaps, of the teachers she misses so dearly...and one of which she'll never see again, even when they all go back. Ochako is many things. She's a teenage girl, a friend, a daughter, and a Hero. Through two worlds, she's learned that much - she will always be a Hero. That is a part of her that's been ingrained since she was just a toddler. That desire to help people, to protect them, to save them. Their smiles, their happiness...she wants to preserve it all.

That's why she's worrying, because she's feeling a slip in what she can and can't protect. Todoroki has wandered beyond her reach, and it scares her. Everything about Dabi that she's experienced has been negative - he goaded her to kill someone. There is blood on her hands because of him whispering in her ear. He's done the same with Bakugou as well, and Ochako is waiting for the other shoe to drop in that regard... The blond struck first, because of that horrible plague of the mind in July. He also killed people, and so did Dabi. But Bakugou regrets it, has has it chew him up on the inside, Dabi hasn't. He's licked his wounds and god only knows he isn't planning to come back at her boyfriend for vengeance sooner or later... It's been a fear in the back of her mind for a long time.

Shouto has seen a change, but no one else has. To everyone but Shouto...his brother is still the same as he's always been. It's why she can't trust that this isn't some trick, or ploy. Using Shouto's emotions and attachment to his brother to get...something. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. And that's scary, too.]

Todoroki-kun...Dabi made me kill someone. [She grips her knees hard, knuckles turning white and shaking from the strain.] In July, when people were going crazy because of The Reckoning's influence, I was one of those people. I attacked civilians that committed even the smallest crime...and he was there one time, and lied to me about what one person did, made their 'crime' seem bigger than it was.

So I killed them...and that blood won't wash off. It's gonna stay on my hands forever, even if it wasn't really me that did it. Even if I wasn't in my right mind, he was. He did that just to hurt me, cuz he knew how bad it'd effect a Hero to kill someone like I did.

[Her gaze is hard, cold, and sharp as she stares at her knees. It always hurts to talk about what she did, because she can't erase it. Can't forget it, and she can never forgive Dabi for that. It was intentional, he did that jurt because he wanted to. He wanted to see her suffer, and it was at the expense of an innocent man. Someone had to die just so she could be hurt by it.]

Mm, I am...but it's more than that. I don't want him to make you do something like what I did. What he made me do. I don't want him to change you, Todoroki. You care so much, and you...you're opening your heart to him, and...

[She shakes her head, taking in all of what he says. Todoroki's been alone for a long time, huh? That's a little sad...he must have felt so lonely, and tried to latch on to the only sort of "family" he thought he had. Thing is, he's always been a part of their UA family. From the start, Shouto's been one of theirs, and he always will be, too. Though worlds apart, Ochako holds onto that love and togetherness their class has held with a sturdy resolve.]

Just talk to us more. Tell us how you are, even if it may seem boring, or mundane. Let us know how you're doing, and if we can help you in any way. You remaining the friend we walked side by side with is what matters most, Todoroki-kun.

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Brotherly Confessions

For Ochako

For Bakugou

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