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deercountry2022-09-16 09:13 pm
swellter) wrote in deercountry2022-09-16 09:13 pm
Brotherly Confessions
Who: Shouto + Ochako, Bakugou and possibly Iida
What: Shouto tells his classmates about the other Todoroki roaming around the streets of Trench, turns out they already knew. Go figure!
Where: Various places
When: Mid-September.
Warnings: None (will edit as needed)
After his encounter with Shigaraki and Touga, Shouto comes to the realization that his classmates might be the only ones in the dark regarding a certain trench-wearing individual with a thing for stitches. Time to fess up and come clean about the skeletons in his closet. Too bad they've already seen what's inside. Per usual, he's the one in the dark.
What: Shouto tells his classmates about the other Todoroki roaming around the streets of Trench, turns out they already knew. Go figure!
Where: Various places
When: Mid-September.
Warnings: None (will edit as needed)
After his encounter with Shigaraki and Touga, Shouto comes to the realization that his classmates might be the only ones in the dark regarding a certain trench-wearing individual with a thing for stitches. Time to fess up and come clean about the skeletons in his closet. Too bad they've already seen what's inside. Per usual, he's the one in the dark.
no subject
Yeah, he's your brother. Fucking got that. Point still stands, if you're gonna do shit like get all fuckin sappy and cozy with him, y'gotta let someone know you're with the guy! What happens when he actually does kill you, and none of us even fucking know, hah?! You really that kind of an asshole?!
no subject
[ It's a truth that he's come to realize and one only Touya has the power to take away from him. ]
no subject
Katsuki pushes off of the tree, takes the two steps forward that it takes to get really fucking close to Todoroki. This time, with their faces just inches apart, his voice is low and dangerous. This is a different kind of anger.
It's the kind that comes when Katsuki actually cares.]
D'you honestly expect me to believe that?! You just told me he's tried to murder you three separate times while here. [A breath, so so very measured, as he tries to convey what he means without ruining it all with the temper that so desperately wants to rear its head right now.] I ain't fucking trying to tell you not to see him. Not my place, it ain't anyone's. But people... they fucking care about you. Your friends. And they deserve to know if something happens. That's it. If you're gonna keep doing it, then tell someone when you do. Tell me.
[Don't be that kind of asshole. Someone's gotta know.]
no subject
I also said our relationship has improved since then. He won't attack me without a reason. [ He knows this in his heart. ]
I don't trust him implicitly. I know he's dangerous, but I... [ how to explain how he feels ] I don't want to treat him like a villain.
no subject
[You're really starting to piss him off, Shouto. Putting words in his mouth, assuming that he doesnt understand. Blatantly ignoring what he has said.] I know, probably better than most people here, how goddamn dangerous he is. I don't think what you're doing is smart. But I never once asked that of you. Because I know you're going to do it anyway. [His voice lowers here, another beat for the breath he takes. For the moment of clenching his fist, tight enough to dig nails into the palm of his hand. Steeling himself, to say what he never has.] I'm only gonna say this once, Todoroki. I'm one of those fucking people. I give a shit. We're supposed to be a goddamn team. All of us. Can't do that, can't back you up, can't help you or even mourn your dumb ass if I don't even fucking know.
[So what's it gonna be? You gonna tell him to go fuck himself when Katsuki has offered as much support as he reasonably fucking can, you difficult asshole?]
no subject
[ His feelings are complicated when it comes to his brother. He was more cautious when Dabi first arrived. It was only after months of steady talks that he grew to... not trust him exactly, but... he wants to. He wants to be able to hang out with him like a brother. He's afraid if he starts treating him like someone dangerous, like someone he needs to report on - when he's seeing him, when he's back - he might break that careful truce they've built over time.
He understands Bakugou's position. His brother is dangerous. He's not denying that, but to treat him differently... he won't do that either. He won't be the one who sets the divide of hero and villain between them. That's not what he wants. Anything else, he'd agree to. It makes logical sense. It's not unreasonable, but then why doesn't it 'feel' right?
He struggles to put those thoughts into words when Bakugou speaks his name. He blinks, his expression changing subtly in the widening of his eyes. ]
I... know you do.
[ Give a shit. Did he think he didn't know that? ]
But I... I can't change what I feel.
[ Feelings are... complicated. Even more so the socially inept. He's trying his hardest to navigate the bloody mess that his family. So far, the only way he's been able to do that is to follow his heart and do what he feelsis right and this doesn't feel right. ]
no subject
He's not good at this. Not good at talking shit out, not good at handling people's feelings with any kind of tact. Katsuki is like a bull in a china shop when it comes to emotions, and somewhere deep down he knows that he's partly to blame for their continuing to go in circles on this. He's never been one to sugar coat a damn thing--he doesn't doesn't dull himself down for anyone or anything, never fucking has. Never wanted to. So he says what he feels, says exactly what he means and anyone who doesn't like it, takes it wrong or gets offended can be kiss his ass. But... sometimes when Katsuki actually finds himself trying to reach someone in ways that he never dreamed he would give a shit to, it becomes really clear how damn problematic his own mindset and personality can be. Which is always real fucking sobering, at times. And aggravating as hell.
Definitely doesn't like having to repeat himself over and over, taking stabs at different wording to try to get his point across. Katsuki from a year ago wouldn't have even bothered by this point. Hell, he wouldn't have even tried to reach a hand out in the first place. Probably would've told him to piss off the second he tried to lay some kind of confession at his feet. But that's not who he is anymore, no matter how much that older instinct gnaws at his core. He might be an asshole, and he might not have the faintest idea of how to navigate friendship because of that, but he's not who he used to be. He's trying to fucking figure it out, even when it pisses him off to the point of resisting the urge to blow something up.
You can knock him down fifty times Shouto, but Katsuki's gonna get up again and again.]
So don't. No one gets to tell you how to feel or handle being around your brother when you've believed he was dead for years, no matter what they think of him! No one! All I'm--[Asking. He's fucking asking you for this, even if those aren't the words he chooses to use.] All I wanna fucking know is-[Sucking in a steeling breath for this last part, because fucking hell... saying anything like this seriously makes Katsuki's skin crawl. Wearing his heart on his sleeve, practically begging for one of his rivals... his friend to let him give a shit about him... it's extremely difficult.]-if you're okay. Or if you're not. That's it.
no subject
Maybe it's the differences in their personalities that have them missing each other, or maybe it's Shouto's social ineptitude making an appearance. Either way, the sound that comes out of Bakugou has him grow quiet as he re-evaluates his words. He's aware he doesn't always understand things that seem obvious to others, but it's difficult for him to put his feelings into words when he was always struck down for them. Endeavor was always deaf to his pleas and turned a blind eye to his tears until Shouto stopped expressing himself altogether. He went from an expressive child who clung to his mother to a brooding teen who didn't know how to communicate outside of battlefield tactics. That was the only thing Endeavor cared about, the rest got torn up.
Yet, not even years of gaslighting could completely tear out the core of him. It remained, hidden under layers of thick ice that started to thaw in the last year. That's why his expression doesn't settle back into the cool neutrality that once set off Inasa but further morphs into a subtle expression of curious regard.
Though few would ever point it out, Shouto is as blunt as Bakugou in his demeanor. He's just a lot more bland about it. Maybe that's why Bakugou's personality never bothered him. He was also the easiest of his classmates to read along with Iida. The two of them always said exactly what they meant and meant exactly what they said making it easy for someone like him to understand them.
He's always focused on what Bakugou says instead of how he says it, and therein lies the problem and the reason why they keep talking in circles. Shouto misses the obvious frustration in his tone and the concerted effort Bakugou puts in to try and make him understand. All of this, Shouto misses. He doesn't mean to, he's simply too broken to see what's in front of him. So, it's only through Bakugou's determination to make him understand that finally gets his point across, hitting a combination of words that he can understand.
His head tips to the side as the point finally hits home and he stares. ]
... You want me to tell you how I'm doing?
no subject
Fucking finally, you absolute asshole. Least this motherfucker fucker can't see the sort of... exasperated relief that washes over the ever posturing explosive hero with that breath he lets out.
He has a feeling he's going to regret this, in some way. Its a petty, minor thought, in reality. Mostly in the finding himself agitated front, because his classmate tends to take things so literally that it's sometimes painful. The way that question is phrased? Big fat red flag. He can just see it now, the potential for randomly getting status update messages that have nothing to do with anything at all.
But...]
Yeah. [That affirmation hangs in the air for a second, while he digs deep to force himself into saying even more blatantly sentimental crap he would typically avoid like the plague.
He really hates putting himself out there like that. Seriously hates it. It feels so foreign, and that makes it uncomfortable as hell.] I guess I do. The fact that you didn't even know that I already knew about Dabi is a fucking problem. And that means you definitely don't know what's happened with me since we all got back, either. I ain't a fuckin' expert on friendship, but it doesn't take a genius to know that that's seriously screwed up. That's on both of us. And we're changing that shit. Here and now.
no subject
They are... friends, right? Bakugou admitted as much, a fact that has him blinking in his own startled manner with the way his eyes widen slightly at the admission. To think he thought he failed on that front after Bakugou denied it loudly in front of the cameras after their debut and subsequent tv interview. So, it comes as a sort of jolt to his system that he'd label him a friend now.
When did that change?
Despite his denial, Shouto thought of him as a friend. Though it weighed in his mind that it wasn't reciprocated. It reminded him too much of Inasa and his own fault in his denial of friendship, and thought he might be at fault with Bakugou too. ]
I can do that.
[ This request is entirely different from what he thought he was asking in the first place. For one, it has nothing to do with his brother and everything to do with Bakugou. Maybe that's why he keeps staring at him as if that would help him better understand this new side of him. ]
What happened with you?