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deercountry2022-09-18 01:29 pm
likethelight) wrote in deercountry2022-09-18 01:29 pm
Entry tags:
All that I am
Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta
[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.
It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.
When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.
Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.
Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.
Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.
Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]
Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.
It's also too late.
Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.
They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta
[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.
It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.
When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.
Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.
Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.
Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.
Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]
Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.
It's also too late.
Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.
They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]
no subject
Allen smiles at that, soft and knowing. Full of mystery. ]
But you love her, right?
no subject
[ Do you know how lost he is right now? ]
What does that have to do with flowers?
no subject
It isn't about the flowers. It's about having them as a connection to her.
Maybe she isn't here, but the flowers she loved might be. Just like when I see the flowers Mana loved and get to hold them, I feel a little closer to him. Being able to say what's in your heart out loud... maybe it isn't to her directly, but I believe that kind of connection can transcend any gap.
[ Do you see what he's saying? It's about faith. ]
Somewhere, because she loved flowers so much, she might still hear you too.
And because you love her, something she loved would feel that too.
no subject
He leans into the touch, listening to his explanation, curbing his questions until after he's done. If it's not about the flowers then what is it about? What kind of flowers did Mana like? ]
Do you read to Mana's flowers?
[ He asks, touching a lock of his hair lightly, returning the gesture in his own way. ]
Was that where you got the idea from?
no subject
However, for him... that meant he freely gave it even if he never expected anything in return. Offering comfort and a hand to hold whenever he felt like that was something another might need and appreciate. For him, that's more than enough.
At least it was, until it was reciprocated in mutual caring. To show love and affection -- and not have any reason why he shouldn't. And that is when he realized just how much he craved that sort of affection, wanting to hold on tight and never let go -- but so very carefully holds that part in check and just keeps to the safe and casual, natural patterns of affection they've carved out.
He smiles at that though, the light touch to his loose hair, and then laughs a little sheepishly at the question. ]
Ehehe... I never had letters I wrote him to read. That wasn't our thing. [ Allen and writing or even reading if he isn't doing research like a detective because that's also part of his job... ... no. Not happening.
He continues to run his hand idly through Shouto's hair, letting his fingers trace out the edge of his ear and follow the curve of the shell. ]
But I did like to speak to other things that reminded me of him. It's always let me feel closer to him.
no subject
What was your thing?
[ He runs his fingers through the ends of his hair, ignoring the very real urge to brush it. ]
no subject
-- he also finally notices the darkened mark on Shouto's neck, smack dab on the center of his throat, and Allen blinks for a moment before flushing very lightly as he remembers where that must have come from. Oh. That stayed too. ]
Performing. [ He leans in and kisses his neck just to the side of mark, very gently in silent apology. Like it's such a normal and natural thing. ]
And... watching the sun set. [ His voice drops softer as he says that, remembering now what they had been doing before he blacked out when Shouto hit his wound. I took you up there because I wanted to show you the sunset that he had loved so much. ]
no subject
Performing? Like what you do for the orphans?
[ He turns his head parallel to his shoulder to better look at him. If he remembers the mark, he doesn't make any indication of it. Catching his eyes with a curious look when his voice grows softer. ]
Are they like the sunsets here?
no subject
Allen gives a nod to the question about his performances, then a thoughtful hum as he considers the other. If he finds Shouto's almost owl-like headtilt strange he doesn't give any indication of it. ]
Sunsets are the same wherever they are. At least, I think they would be in the way that Mana liked them.
[ And that makes him smile gently, his gaze becoming soft and faraway. ]
They're reminders of how beautiful the world is, even when everything might feel terrible and unfair.
no subject
His brows furrow at the answer. Sunsets change depending on the time of year and weather. Pollution plays a role in larger cities, too. All valid points he keeps to himself when Allen continues, catching his meaning by the end. ]
They mean the same to you no matter where you are because your father liked them.
[ It was the same analogy with his mother and flower. The thought softens his eyes. ]
Maybe you should make time to watch them more. [ A beat. ] We can watch them together.
no subject
Just appreciating him. The fact that he's there and would offer that. ]
Mmn. [ Demeanor brightening, he pillows his head against Shouto's shoulder and smiles into it. Letting one arm loop low around his back more as he leans against him more casually, companionable and comfortable. ]
I'd like that.
no subject
Me, too.
[ He slides his arms around him, hugging him tightly, tenderly, murmuring against his ear. ]
Let's go to bed.
[ Tomorrow, they'd tackle this new obstacle in their lives. Tomorrow, they'd watch the sunset and read to flowers among the trees with their omens playing in the foliage.
There was always tomorrow. ]
no subject
It means you're happy, doesn't it?
So breathless by his own stark realization, Allen almost doesn't realize the embrace until he's been pulled into it. But has Shouto ever hugged him that wholeheartedly, that tightly? That tenderly. Maybe, but it strikes Allen especially clearly in this moment, and he's a little caught because of it. Oh...
He blinks a few times, feeling the sting of tears that well but don't fall, before swallows past the lump in his throat and winds his arms around Shouto's neck. Sinking against him with such a heavy and grateful sort of relief as he buries his face into the crook of his neck. ]
Can we? [ His voice is hoarse and cracks a little, soft and pitching up at the end like a lost but hopeful child. Like he's also just realized yes, we can still go to sleep together and that means the world.
Even if he's exhausted he doesn't think he'll sleep for a while, not after everything that's just happened, but-- his knees press tight against his hips while he hugs Shouto a little tighter too. ]
I think... I'd like to just hold you for a while.
[ If that's okay. ]
no subject
His fingers tighten and release against his back, swinging between giving him room and squeezing him tighter. The last few months can't erase a decade of learned detachment. It's Allen's final line, spoken before he swings right, that settles the matter.
Shouto tightens his arms around him, mirroring his embrace. ]
Can I hold you too?
[ It's a compulsion. One he can't help but ask because he has to, because it's not enough to think it's okay, he has to know. ]
no subject
Yes. [ He kisses the side of his face quickly but gently, just above the jaw and next to his ear -- then repeats it more softly against his cheek. Letting his hand touch and lovingly cradle the opposite cheek towards him with a quietly yearning sort of warmth and intimacy.
I love you. ]
Yes, I'd like that too.
no subject
Shouto buries his nose between collar and throat, letting his lips brush against bone in a gentle kiss with more subtly than the heat generated in his heart, speaking volumes without saying a word.
He'll hold him as long as he wants, keeping them warm throughout the night. ]