deercountry | First Aid Lessons With Uncle

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First Aid Lessons With Uncle

Who: Alice, Lucius, Break
What: Two kids go on an adventure to obtain a surprise present. It's probably going to go very well.
When: Late September
Where: Feed Micro-District

Content Warnings: Harm to animal (pig), harm to minors (Alice), graphic injury

So the Clock people are fixing up their house and if it's going to be all good and fixed then you need a feast, right? A classic feast. And of course you know what's real classic and homey that Alice hasn't actually gotten around to experiencing but shows up in books a lot is a whole roast pig with the apple in the mouth. This is a rare dream on any kind of budget given the difficulty of meat but just imagine. Bartering would be difficult but one could just. Perhaps. Obtain? A pig.

So the problem with this is that pigs typically belong to other people. However, the solution to this is the little guys which are about oven-sized. The suckling pigs, as they are famously known. Pigs make a lot of piglets at once and it's quite reasonable to assume that one would go missing thanks to beasts or something? So you can run in and put one in a sack and run away very quickly and then you have a pig. This is the plan.

That said Alice is not about to rope in everyone and their granny into a mission which is "technically" "a crime". So she's enlisted her shipwreck buddy into it on the grounds that he's not going to stop her. Lucius may in fact have had a part in the plan but Alice is taking credit for the whole thing.

"So this is where pigs come from... smells kind of gross."

A pigsty is pretty similar across worlds. Trench has more severe reinforcement of the pens, because of the beasts, and more mushrooms, many of which have been passed through a pig and turned into parts of the pig and byproducts thereof.

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Lucius did indeed play a role in this plan. Especially the details, like aiming for shortly after the pigs have been fed, so that they're more complacent and the farmer is likely to leave them alone for a while. And just in case it's necessary, he brought lockpicks. The farmer has enough pigs. Neither the graveyard house nor clockhouse have any. They can correct this.

It does smell gross, but he's been in worse. "So let's get in and out quickly." He narrows his eyes at the pigs. "What about that one?" he points to a mid-sized suckling pig near a corner. It seems appropriately nondescript without being too little to be satisfying.

"Good pick, it looks tasty."

They all do, really. It is not hard to do if you are a pig which is basically as she understands it a big sausage that walks around and eats. The big ones look extremely big now that she is seeing them in person, since the conceit of a suckling pig is that there is a bigger pig around upon which they are suckling from. It's like there's a big muddy mountain that breathes in the middle of the pen. Alice leaps over the fence, because she can go ten feet up splendidly easy, and cheats by hovering a little just over the ground because she doesn't want her boots in pig muck. It is also possible that Lucius told her she could do that to avoid leaving footprints but Alice does have her priorities.

"You keep a lookout, and I'll pop it in the sack."

They do all look tasty. This is one of the better farms - it would take a cartload of scavenged mushrooms to trade for any one of these. Good mushrooms.

"Right." Satisfied that indeed Alice is not leaving any footprints (whatever the motivation for that may be), Lucius turns his back to the fence and keeps an eye on the farmer's house. They already have Emrys watching the road to make sure no customers come by and catch them in the act, so the farmer is the main concern. There's still light on in the house, but no indication of movement.

And Alice isn't made of mushrooms! (despite the best efforts of a certain cave)

Step one! Put the pig in the sack!

Step two! Leave with t

The larger pig in the pen does not like step one and comes careening towards Alice making an awful pig noise. She is torn between keeping a grip on this wiggly sack and making a break for it, because she has a very inflated value of her own toughness.

That's not a normal awful pig noise - that's an awful awful pig noise. Lucius turns around to whisper "Alice, get out!" as loudly as he can at the fence, before looking back over his shoulder to see if there's any movement from the house that might indicate the farmer has also heard the noise. You can still project with a whisper, though not as far. Ideally, Alice will both hear and listen to him.

It's just a pig, she's fought monsters before, it's a farmyard animal. It is for eating. Alice sniffs in contempt and gets a good grip on the sack before floating up and away.

"All right, all right, keep your britches on!"

The progress in sack-wrangling is promptly lost when a couple hundred kilos of enranged farmyard animal grabs Alice by the lower leg and digs in. What the fuck, it's got teeth?! Puncture teeth?! What does pork even eat! That's not allowed! Fortunately for the crime aspect of all of this Alice does not scream but makes a shocked small noise barely audible over the squealing.

Someone is definitely moving around in the house now, judging by the shadows. It could be normal indoor activity, or it could be them getting ready to come out and check... What's taking Alice this long? He turns back to the pen.

Oh. Well, that would do it.

He briefly wonders if he has time to get his bow out and shoot the thing, but no, it'll take too long. (Maybe he should learn to throw knives after this.) There is a quick solution here, though.

"Drop the sack!"

Ow, ow, ow - Alice drops the sack instead of getting characteristically obstinate about it. Then kicks the big pig in the nose a couple of times. It lets go for at least one of these reasons, and Alice drifts weakly towards the fence. It's hard to think buoyantly under the circumstances!

"Ugh, owwww, what's wrong with that thing?!"

The sow's face looks almost demonic lit from below and within by the faint glitter of Darkblood, and it looks like it's considering a charge for a second taste.

It's a relief that Alice does actually drop the sack. It's less of a relief that she's not getting out quickly, and the sow seems more intent on vengeance than on checking on its offspring. At least there aren't any doors banging yet. Maybe the farmer really was just cleaning up after dinner, or something like that.

Since Lucius can't float up and over the fence to pull Alice away, it's time for more creative thinking. He picks up a rock and chucks it at the pig's head.

Okay, not actually very creative at all, but hopefully still a distraction.

Violence solves all problems. The pig opens its mouth to do a particularly wrathful echoing screeeeel, and Alice kicks off to flop ungracefully over the fence.

The pig looks like it's fixing to charge.

"Lucius," she's not barking any orders, just saying the name of someone she trusts because she's panicking.

That is more unnerving than anything else. She's badly shaken. How much blood has Alice lost? It's hard to tell with the way darkblood dissipates. Lucius kneels down next to her and gestures towards his shoulders. "Come on. Let's go."

It's her turn for a piggyback ride.

Especially as the actual pig in question has backed up against the opposite side of the pen in preparation to possibly slam through the fence.

Piggyback rides: much safer without a real pig. Alice gladly latches onto a trustworthy steed who will probably know what to do or at least where to go now that they've ignobly failed their mission. She is shedding blood all the blazes over so at least she is a light burden to heft and doesn't have to put any weight on that leg in order to lever herself up.

"Where,"

Where? Where is the closest place they can grab proper supplies?

"Home." In the moment, he doesn't think twice about using the word. He's thinking instead of the distance and the spare clothes and extra food he has stashed in the shed. They can get in there without risking too much notice and bandage her wound. They'll need to clean it, first...he thinks there's a canteen of water in there...

There is a massive thud behind them as the pig starts its attempt at a jailbreak. Lucius tightens his grip on Alice and puts on speed, grateful that she's not as heavy as he might have expected.

Emrys swoops overhead, returned from his post. :I'll let you know if the thing gets out.:

"Good."

Alice's head bonks down onto Lucius' shoulder. She's gripping onto his shirt like a vise which is how he can tell she's not unconscious. She might prefer to be so. She is feeling shredded like a cabbage. Cabbage goes well with pork, but sadly, they have none of that.

Lucius keeps his focus on his grip, on moving as fast as he can without stepping on too many spots that will leave footprints, on the strength of Alice's grip and the sound of her breathing. Emrys can handle the rest. Lucius is stronger than he looks, and makes good time.

He decides in the end to go straight to the house. If there's the chance he won't have all the necessary supplies in the shed, it's better to go immediately to the place with more resources. He does come in through a side door, though, hoping that will draw slightly less attention. Emrys, having confirmed nothing is following, opens the door for them and flies through into the house.

Now, which room...

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First Aid Lessons With Uncle

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